See My Tears
We're fearless We're stupid We're dealers We're killers We're orphans We're addicts We're stealers We're shooters So Kill Us
- Machine Gun Kelly
After We ate Brunch I got Matt to pick me up so we can talk. Better sooner then later, He hasnt said a word since he picked me up and Ive been at his house for 30 minutes. I dont wanna say anything first cause he will explode & I hate when he yells at me. I guess I have to the bigger person
"Matty....." He looked at me
"Dont Call Me That. Its Matthew"
Fuck I really Fucked up Im pretty sure he knows I was at Brians last night & I never texted him back.
"Dont Do That ...Please I know I fucked up Badly Im trying really hard. It wasnt that long ago and I still get caught up" He cut me off
" What Happened has Nothing To do with it. First you didnt fucking tell me you were going with Sebastian! Then You Didnt fucking Call Me When You Left Him & You Went To Another Guys House WTF Leilani!!" Im teary eyed but I cant cry . I wont Cry Im not going to
"It wasnt my fault. Wait yea but Sebastian Keep annoying me so yea I went with him but he was being stupid so I called Brian. We didnt do anything I just needed somewhere to hide from Sebastian but then I fell asleep."
He got up and left , It feels like Im going to Hell . He is the only one to ever make me feel this bad.
He came back 5 minutes later With a T shirt
" Remember This?" He didnt sound angry anymore , calm.
The T shirt looked familiar very familiar its uhmmm Omg
" Thats Colson's ..." It was the only thing I ever had of His. It was from that night he saved me from myself and Them, him Colson saved me from himself, his lifestyle. I tried my best to forget but I cant& Matt just brought it back up.
" why do you still have that .I thought you burned it. You lied, You said you burned it." He put the shirt down on the couch
"I kept it. I knew I shouldnt get rid of it. Its memory of that night. That life you thought you wanted" I wish I was dead . I just stared at the Shirt its bittersweet. More Bitter than sweet
"Are you going to say anything. Do I have your attention now." I could feel his eyes on me but I refused to look at him. He took it to far but I have nothing to say Colson has always left me breathless . Colson was the first guy that I really liked, he was about 5'10 fairly light skin he was mixed black and white, had beautiful deep green eyes& dirty blonde hair. He was built but that was typical for a 17 year old. His many colorful tattoos always had me in a trace like they beckoned me Everytime I saw them. but I havent seen him in like 8 months. People said he moved, but I dont think he did. Matty did everything to keep him away from me & He happily wanted to stay away..
"Are you listening ? " I feel as though my soul has left my body motionless speechless, He took my one weakness and brought it back to the surface. When I first met Colson I was a month or two from 15 I know thats young but its reality . He welcomed me to his friends and never looked down on me because I was so young. Of course I liked him who wouldnt he accepted me. But When I confessed that I liked him he changed, became distant . When I woukd hang out with the mutual friends we had he never seemed to be there. Its like he started to disappear and it was all my fault. I felt terrible unwanted so I thought if I smoke & drank like them than he would accept me again but that was foolish.
"I-I wanna go home. You've proved to me that even though Im about to be 16 In a couple of days Im still young. I dont wanna talk about it anymore, That was really low Matthew. " I got up and began to leave when he grabbed my arm
"BabyGirl .... you have to stop this you arent that girl. You still have your innocence. Just stay the girl you have always been. For Me"
I just want to sleep& never wake up
"I have no innocence, they took it from me , Hell I practically gave it to them." I walked to the car and waited for him to take me home
before I got out of the car Matty reached for something in the backseat . It was Colson's shirt, it had Fuck School Get High written in big bold red letters
"Here, You should keep this. I should have let you keep it in the first place. " I took it and hugged it
"Ma! Ma! " No answer I guess she left with my little sister probably to get dinner. Home Alone , Alone at last. I changed into the T shirt to feel close to him again. I miss him
It still smells like him after all these months. I need sleep a break from living.
I woke up to my phone ringing and Brian freaking out .
"Calm Down What Happened?" I heard him take a couple of deep breaths
"Can I come over or something " I looked at the clock 7:45 am
"Yea Come over"
10 Minutes later Brian was sitting on my couch, rambling about how His Mom had cheated on his Dad with Someone from her past like a boyfriend or something but all I can think about is how Colson is doing.
"Dang Brian Im sorry to hear that happened, did they say who he was or why she was with him?" His face was red with aggravation and his fist balled up. I took his hand in mine
"Dont stress over this. I dont want you angry okay?" His face regained color and I noticed how long his eye lashes are. Like twice the length of mine gosh
"What ?" Damnit I was staring
"Nothing its just your so adorable"
Then I pinched his cheek and he swatted my hand away
" Dont do that unless you Friend Zoned me already . " I laughed because his cheek redden when he said friend zone
"Nahh Your Good. The friend zone doesnt want you. "
He has been on his phone for about 5 minutes & I want entertainment . I snatched his phone from him .
He was on twitter & Dm-ing this girl
"Brittany huh ? Thats cute, yall talk or is she 'just a friend' "
He reached for his phone & I ran
"Stop Just Tell Me Im not jealous"
"She wants us to talk but I said no to her" Thats great! He turned her down
"Why you say No is she ugly or something" Please say yes, but then again it wouldnt matter he said no
"Cause I dont can we not talk about this" I love it when he blushes its the cutest thing I just wanna kiss him .
"Fine I-" I was cut off by my phone ringing
"Yea. Hey Ma, When are you coming home. Oh Okay Bye Love You Too." I hung up " Well I have a free crib til tonight"
"You dont act 15 . You act like my age why? " Well right now we were currently playing 21 Questions while eating pizza & a movie was playing.
"I experienced alot for my age? I dont know , Ive always been like this. Why are you always blushing" All Ive been asking are questions that might make him blush & its working. Im glad that I met him
Tonight should be fun but he has to leave before 9 but till then I have his company for today.
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