Stay with me, i want you to stay with me, i need you by my side- Michael Jackson
I stood here for quite a while awhile before he turned around and noticed me. He immediately smiled at me but didnt say a thing.
"Awhh shit, i didnt think youll come back for me." he took another shot and patted his lap indicating me to sit on him, so i did. I still havent spoken, im just running my hands through his hair.
"Baby whats wrong you not talking to me, did i do something?"
He looked in my eyes but i looked away. It hurts seeing him like this, but i cant say that this isnt him cause it is. I know that i could never understand the hurt he is going through, but i want him to at least know that im here for him even though he is never there for me.
"stoopp look at me"
he grabbed my face so that i was looking at him. this doesnt look like the guy i love he looks the complete opposite, his hair is all matted down from him sweating his eyes are red his smile seems more of a frown and when he is drunk he has this thing where he shakes his leg like tapping his foot
"Is this what you love?"
no of course not i hate it. i love the way his eyes glow and his cheeks puff up and his teethy smile i love how energetic he is his outgoingness how his hands and feet are bigger than mine how he is tall i love all the good traits, but i guess thats bad i should love all of his traits good and bad.
Caleb helped me put or lets say helped me drag him to the car.
"Where we going, im not i cant go home"
"Why" i looked at him to see if he ever opened his eyes, nope
i dont think ive ever seen him this bad the only person that i took care of that was this bad was matty, i kinda miss him. i havent hear from or seen him, funny how everyone keeps disappearing from me. "my brother there right, he cant see me" alex is probably sleep by now anyway
"Then where should we go"
"I uhm yours ma home. fuck, my dad has a hotel room like 5 minutes away"
Turns out it was 20 minutes away but took us 45 cause i didnt know where it was it and a drunk person can only help so much. I put Colson to bed and went to take a shower.
"Fuck" why must i be so stupid, i have no clothes and refuse to stay in this towel even if colson had already explored my body. i wish he wasnt drunk so he could buy me clothes
"Hey you know i always keep gym clothes in my car."
awh i hope i didnt wake him
"Thanks but how will i get to the car, im naked" he sat up
"I'll get them in the morning leilani, come lay down babe"
what does he think he think this is
"No" i then preceded to fold my arms and make a angry pouting face. im such a little kid
"Why leilei" then he made an even better pouting face. i hate this wtf
"Go to the car, and im not asking"
you know what, fuck it ill just put my clothes back on ill just have to take another shower later maybe two.
I couldnt sleep, not that i was worried about anything cause i wasnt. Colson wouldnt shut up he just keep talking about nothing
im pretty sure he cant sleep so he wants me to stay up with him but my eye lids are so heavy right now i cant last another minute i need sleep.
I woke up to clean clothes and breakfast but no colson, i doubt he would have left me but what if he did the clothes and food would be an apology for leaving but i still doubted that was true. I havent seen these clothes in the longest wtf, how did he get these they arent even at my house cause i couldnt find them. thats weird as fuck
maybe he really did leave me
the bathroom door opened, good thing i wasnt talking out loud.
"Hey uhm" he, matty, rubbed the back of his head. why was he here and colson wasnt, i wasnt mad at him i cant hold grudges but its weird to just say sorry for what i said and expect it to be all better so i never did. but the weirder part is how did matty get in here without talking with colson first. i thought they hated each other.
"hey were these clothes at your house?" he nodded no wonder i couldnt find them
"so wheres colson"
he walked over slowly like to take caution. " he went to talk to his mom, he didnt want to leave you by yourself without a ride soo he called me" I feel like im 6 cause he is talking slow like he is hinting at something or i dont understand him
"Matthew im not mad at you, you know that right?"
he sighed and dramatically wiped his forehead.
i showered and put my clean clothes on. "Matthew..."
he cut me off " yes mom" ok for him to be this way right now isnt what i want. but i guess he is just trying to distract me from the elephant in the room. i dont even know what it is but he obvious does he is acting nervous like he is with holding something from me
"So whats up"
i know just how to get him to talk.
"Nothing is up why? is there supposed to be something up?"
"Matt you know that i know, so why dont you just tell me everything i only know some."
he gave me this questionable look like to see if i did know or not. i dont but i didnt lie i do know some i know it has to do with him and or colson.
"Matt i know it has to do with Colson. why wont you tell me, hiding things arent good"
he started to move towards the bathroom. i hope he doesnt run
fuck he ran i hate running even if it was only like 3 steps. the locked the door, i hate this
"Alright whatever dont tell me, but im leaving and im taking all the food with me" i faked opening and shutting the door then i hid beside the bed. after like two long minutes matt came out the bathroom and just sat on his phone. never trying to look for me or to call me or anything thats fucked up. i stood up and sat on the bed
" damn you didnt even try to find me i see how it is "
his face changed
" you had to come back you have no where to go. and btw it does have to do with him"
i kinda feel trapped, i dont have anywhere to go.
I dont understand and i dont think ill ever understand why anyone thinks itll be better to keep me in the dark about something. it never is, it never will be.
"I cant tell you leilani."
"you cant or dont want too."
"Both, why do you have to know everything"
matt left when colson came back and we are in the car going to nowhere as said by colson
"Did you even go see your mom"
he smiled, he probably didnt he thinks it cute when i can tell when he is or was lying its not cute tho.
"Ok so if you werent with your mom who were you with."
"Are you getting possessive leilani, thats cute on you"
colson irritates me so much
"No im not and dont call me cute if you cant tell me"
"Ahh angry is really sexy on you, i like it better."
"Ill give you a riddle, or something like that. okay so people refer to it as a bundle of what i dont know some say its the sunshine to any rain . what it is"
sunshine something happy bright vivid wonderful and a bundle like a bundle of hair a bundle of candy that doesnt even say right
"A bundle ? " he nodded
"Yea, at least thats what i was told" a bundle of happiness whats a bundle of happiness
happiness excitement joy oh omg a bundle of joy someone pregnant or has a baby.
"Who had a baby"
"No one had a baby buy June is like 4 months pregnant."
Junes pregnant ? how didnt i know or realize. she must be just starting to show to. wait what does that have to do with me or colson.
"Theres more right ? "
"Yea, she doesnt want him but darrayan does. so she called me this morning to tell me that its going to be mine..."
"you fucked her ! "
he laughed " no oh god no, she wants me to adopt him darrayan was okay with that somewhat cause at least he'd close. but im not staying here to raise him, if i do decide to raise him. i didnt want you to know cause June wants her pregnancy to be a secret"
"Why did you say it like that ' oh no god no ' is something wrong with her?"
"You really are possessive, i dont know about you anymore" then he laughed a little and smiled alot
