to much of a good thing wont good for long, although you made heart sing to stay with you would be wrong- Sam Smith
Sebastian finally told me and if i could take it all back to before that dinner i would. I dont know what to believe anymore but i need to suck it up Darrayan called me to tell me that June just started having contractions and they are heading to the hospital. I wouldve been there by now but the thought of seeing Colson is too much for me. He is a monster.
I dont want to see him again i dont care how much my heart aches when he tells me he misses me
i force myself not to reply. i know why ari of all people cried, but i cant seem to cry its been days since i found out and i havent shed a single tear.
is it cause i knew in my heart what he was capable of, did i secretly know he was toxic for me. i feel worst than before, more miserable than anything.
"Leilani come right now! Why didnt you tell me !"
"Yes mom?" My mom just rushed out the door with my sister i guess i have to go too
"June said she was waiting for you, she just now started going into labor. you dont seem too excited"
i just sulk and look out the window
"Ma why are you speeding."
she turned the music on and up loud so i couldnt talk to her. She understand my moods yea she hates it and usually yells at me but at least she understands it.
June made Darrayan come get me so i could hold her other hand. I pray Colson isnt here yet. After this i might just leave, ive been feeling really selfish lately or thats what ive been told.
"OMG LEILANI WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN OW FUCK IVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU!"
every time it hurt you could clearly see it on Junes face. No sign of Colson so thats good.
The doctor told June to push and breathe and push and breathe.
Thankfully June was only in labor for about 10 hours, some are in labor for at least 16-20 hours.
Turns out the baby is a boy i kinda wanted a girl instead. he has a head full of hair already, he is so beautiful. His cry didnt even bother me oddly is was kinda soothing to here a loud cry
when the doctors let everyone come in before the baby and June went to bed Colson showed up. Oh was June angry, she told him off. she was so upset that he wasnt there to see his soon baby boy Maurice. what made me mad was that Colson had an accuse, he had to get the baby bag darrayan forgot it and he went to pick up more clothes for both June and Maurice.
"I need help bringing in a box, leilani you wanna help?"
now everyone is staring at me and if i should say no im the bad guy. i really despise this.
he didnt wait for my answer he just left out of the room.
"why would you do that"
i cant even say his name anymore
im not that dramatic type of girl thats gonna yell and cry and call him a monster, thats wasting my time and energy.
"Why arent you answering my calls or texts, whats occupying your time now thats it not me"
should i lie to make him mad
"Nothing, I just sit at home and watch tv now that you arent 'occupying' my time"
the truth is best right its better to just be short and honest
"You barely even watch fucking tv, what have you been doing that you cant contact me"
wow i guess the truth doesnt help that much either. He has the wrong one, i dont do controlling possessive people.
"I really dont have time for this, i just became a God mother and i should go tend to them"
i was always told not to stay in an area with a person that has severe angry issues, although a month or two ago i would hug Colson and tell him to calm down i dont know him any more and it hurts like hell
"Dont fucking walk away from me Leilani" in his tight grip if i were to pull away itll cause more damage.
is it bad that im not afraid, he cant hurt me anymore than how badly he shattered my heart.
"Im sorry baby im so sorry please"
this is only making everything worst im in pain so much im speechless Colson is breaking down and its killing me more than its killing him.
"Please Colson, just please dont stop"
Why cant he listen to me, the sobs i hear are mine but he's crying to
How can a whole world just crumble that fast how did i get here to this place. its just a cycle all we do is hurt each other
but without him i feel like im drowning i cant function without him but i guess this works both ways, i notice the pain in his eyes and the sorrow laced in his words
i just wish we werent so lethal
i feel so numb but at the same time i feel every emotion
this is so far from being right but it doesnt feel wrong. he still has my heart and after all this shit i hope i still have his.
I dont know how to fix this
is this even fixable
