Letting Go (NamJin)

Part I: Amaryllis

(italics) past memory

(Namjoon POV)

The sky is gray again today. It's been that way for the past few months. At least, that's how it feels to me. On the days where the sun does shine, I hide behind the curtains. The brightness brings back too many memories, of warmth...and comfort. And, happiness. None of which I want to remember. It still hurts, like peeling away the scab on a wound already starting to heal.

The first time I saw him, it was like the whole world stopped. There was nothing else more important than him at that moment. Hair the color of lightly roasted coffee, eyes the color of sweet, sweet chocolate. And that smile, oh that smile...it was perfect. The bright morning sun made his honey skin glow, only adding to his beauty. I could feel my heart flutter within my chest, like a tiny butterfly called Love had decided to land on the flower of my heart. And this beautiful man, he had become my flower. He, was my Amaryllis. I was too shy to approach him at first, so I was glad when his gentle wrist waved at me first, that dazzling smile welcoming me towards him. From between his plump, coral-colored lips, slipped the first "Hello."

His voice was smooth like satin, it made my spine tingle. "My name is Kim Seokjin. I just started working here! What's your name?" Seokjin smiled as he spoke, extending a hand towards me. In my dazed state, I had forgotten I was even at work, I was a part-time flower arranger at my friend's shop.

"Me? Oh, I'm..um...well, I'm...uh.." I took his extended hand, my own was cold and clammy, but I couldn't resist the temptation to touch this beautiful man. My voice shook, it was faint and cracking at all the wrong moments. However, I wanted to make a good impression on him! I cleared my throat, composing myself with a deep breath. I offered my best, yet nervous, smile, his hand still in mine. I squeezed it gently before letting it go and finishing my introduction, "I'm Namjoon, er...Kim Namjoon. But you can call me Namjoon. It's a pleasure to meet you, Seokjin."

"Oh, the pleasure's all mine! I'm excited to learn all about these flowers. I love them.." Seokjin's excited voice filled my ears, it was pleasant, and it eased my nerves the more he spoke. "My dream is to have a garden full of flowers, but every time I try growing them, they die! So, I thought maybe I need more experience.." He laughed then, scratching the back of his head. It was the cutest gesture. An unexpected chuckle rose from my throat, his laugh was contagious. I coughed into my elbow to hide my blushing cheeks before building up more courage to speak.

"Oh, you like flowers..? M-me too..What's your favorite? " I asked him curiously. Flowers were the one thing I was comfortable around, so naturally, I was more at ease talking about a familiar subject. Not to mention, I was genuinely curious about Seokjin's preferences, you know...for future reference.

"I love daisies, they are the only ones I have successfully grown." Seokjin smiled his dazzling smile, shrugging his broad shoulders. "And yours? Which flower is your favorite?"

I was actually shocked at his answer. He liked daisies, out of all the flowers in the world, he liked daisies. The daisy represents innocence, purity, and loyal love, and it just so happens to be my favorite. Such a simple flower, yet it was beautiful. Like this man in front of me, It had to be fate. My voice came out in a whisper, I was still processing his words. "Daises are my favorite, too..."

"Really?! Wow! I can't wait to talk about the other flowers, you'll teach me, right? I'm excited!" Seokjin's satin voice filled the shop with the most beautiful music. His eyes were sparkling, I could see he was passionate about this. His passion would become my passion, that's how it had to be.

At that moment, the bell above the door jingled as the first costumer entered, the cool autumn breeze slipping through the open door. I grabbed my green work apron and tied it around my waist, picking up a spare one from behind the counter and handing it to Seokjin, chewing on my lower lip nervously. Our hands brushed as he took the apron, and I could feel a blush creep it's way up to my cheeks. "Um...put this on. It has everything you'll need.." I couldn't face him, my face was burning with shyness. Seokjin only smiled brightly and quickly tied his own apron on, excitedly greeting the costumer as he walked towards her. I watched him from where I was, sighing heavily as I shook my head. I was in love with this man, there was no doubt about it. It was love at first sight...

The quiet pitter-patter of rain on the window sill brought me back to reality. I don't remember crying, but my cheeks are wet, and there are splatter marks on my gray shirt. The blanket I was holding fell from my hands while I was thinking, that must be why I was cold. I looked down and sure enough, there it was. A red, fleece blanket crumpled on the floor. I picked it up carefully and folded it, setting it on the recliner before sitting in it. From where I was, I had a perfect view of the rain falling on the porch. The potted daisies I had put there were dead, just dry leaves and fallen petals. I'd neglected them, like everything else outside of this home. But it didn't really matter to me. Nothing really mattered to me anymore, not even my own life.