Letting Go (NamJin)

Part VI: Begonia

(italics) Past Memory

(Namjoon POV)

The Begonia flower represents a warning about future misfortunes or challenges. It is said to bring forth dark and unpleasant thoughts that distract you from your happiness and joy.

That was the first thought that popped into my head as I watched the pair on long-tailed tits fly away from the branch they had been perched on. The beautiful garden that once bloomed in this very yard was now only twigs and dead leaves, not a trace of the life it once held. I stepped out into the grass, the cold ground sending a painful chill through my body as my bare feet touched it.

I remember that day like it was yesterday.

The memories were vivid in my head then, and I stood, frozen, allowing them to consume my mind.

Jin was beautiful at every angle. I could get lost in his beauty. Right now, he was at my side, and I carefully took in his profile view, admiring his features. That's when I heard it.

First, there was screaming. Then, there was the deafening, metallic cracks. The crowd around Seokjin and I began to scream in panic. Bodies began ducking, some decided to run, and others stood there, frozen. I was one of the frozen ones. My brain couldn't make sense of the chaos, but the noise...the noise sounded like gunfire.

I was pulled out of my daze when a man grasped my shoulders. He shook me hard, screaming something that I couldn't make out. The sounds around me were muffled, like I was underwater. The man kept pointing at the ground, and at my torso, and back to the ground. Was he crazy? I couldn't understand. Maybe Seokjin would..

I turned my head to him, only to realize there was no one there. My gaze shifted to the ground where the man had been pointing. That's when I saw it.

The blood...there was so much blood. Crimson red against the pale cement of the sidewalk.

And there was Seokjin...

His body was lying there, the source of the blood coming from wounds on his upper and mid torso. His once coral lips were pale and parted, I couldn't tell if he was breathing. I began to hyperventilate, my ears ringing as my vision began to blur. I sunk to my knees as a sharp pain shocked my stomach and radiated through my entire core. Had I been hit as well?

It hurt like hell, I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. My entire focus shifted to Jin, and I crawled my way to where he was. I grasped his hand and squeezed tightly, tears welling up in my eyes as my other hand push his hair away from his pale face.

"Seokjin....Jin..." I pleaded, my voice hoarse as I struggled to speak, "Jin...please open your eyes...! Please look at me....PLEASE!" I used what little strength I had to try and wake him. Tears ran down my cheeks and landed on Seokjin's body. I shifted my gaze from his face to his wounds..

Blood...so much blood...

I shrugged off my coat in hurry and placed it across his wounds, letting go of his hand so I could use them both to apply pressure on the bullet wounds. Blood quickly seeped through the thin material and stained my hands. This wasn't good...there was too much.. he was losing too much blood...

A warm sensation began to flood my lower abdomen, I glanced down briefly and gasped at the sight. Blood was spilling from my own body, it had soaked through my shirt almost completely. I couldn't see for sure how many times I had been hit, and I didn't care, really. It had stopped hurting a while ago, My body was cold, and numb. All my attention was on Seokjin.

I applied more pressure on his torso, my arms shaking as I struggled. My vision blurred and my head was spinning...I wanted to sleep, now..

A loud, booming voice kept me from falling unconscious. I heard it, but my eyes never left Jin. He was breathing, although it was very faint.

A million memories flashed through my mind then. Seokjin...my one and only...my love, my life...my flower. I leaned down and placed a kiss upon his pale cheek, it was cold, very unlike my Jin. I was surprised when I felt an icy touch on my cheek...

It was Seokjin's hand, his eyes were open and there was a weak smile upon his lips.

"Namjoon-ah..." He choked out, his voice barely a whisper. "Please stop crying, Namjoonie. I'm fine...nothing to worry about. I promised forever, right?"

I looked at him, astounded.

"You're fine?! How dare you say you're fine?! Jin...you're not fine..." I sobbed, tears freely falling from my eyes. Jin's hand lightly wiped them away, his fingers brushing my lips.

"I promised forever, Namjoon..." He whispered softly now, no strength left in his voice. His eyes fluttered closed, and his hand dropped from my cheek into my lap. His lips parted again, a small sigh leaving them before there was nothing but silence.

"Jin?" I shook him gently, no response. "Jin! Wake up! Don't sleep...please! Wake up, Seokjin!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, my bloody hand grasping his and squeezing it tightly. Still, no response. I don't know for how long I screamed and cried, my head on Seokjin's motionless chest.

The loud wail of sirens grew close, flashing lights and barking voices surrounded us. Someone pulled me off of Seokjin, I screamed and thrashed around. Please...don't take him from me...save him.

In seconds, Seokjin was loaded onto an ambulance, three or four paramedics at his side. I wanted to go with him, too. That was the last thought in my head before I lost consciousness, the world around me growing dark.

When I awoke, I was lying in a bright room, the smell of disinfectant bleach hit me like a wave. I sat up, wincing and grasping my side. A hospital ward, curtains separating individual beds. I looked down at my body, my shirt and pants were still stained with blood, I lifted my shirt to find gauze and bandages securely covering my wound. I had survived.

But Jin...Where was Jin?

I pulled myself out of bed, grimacing as my wound pulsed painfully. I held onto the railing and began to walk towards the door, holding on to what ever I could. My legs felt like they would give out at any moment, but I had finally reached the door. I pushed it open, falling to my knees as I lost whatever strength I had left.

A pair of strong hands pulled me upward and held me upright. I looked up to find Taehyung there, his eyes and nose red, from crying, I assumed.

"Taehyung...What are you doing here?" I questioned as he led me to a nearby chair. I sat in it with a small grunt, holding my breath as a wave of pain made me shiver.

"You shouldn't be up yet, Namjoon. You're weak.." Taehyung sat in the chair next to me, leaning his head back against the wall, his finger and thumb pinching the bridge of his nose before he answered my question.

"I heard everything.." He spoke in a pained tone, as if he were holding back tears. "You were only a few feet from the shop...I heard it all..I was right behind you when you passed out after Seokjin.." He paused, "After they loaded you into the ambulance. I came with you." Taehyung turned to me then, fresh tears glistening in his eyes.

"Where is...Seokjin? He survived...right?" I shifted around to look at Taehyung, grabbing his arm.

He turned his gaze away from me and spoke softly.

"I called Hoseok on the way over. He told Yoongi and Jimin, They're on their way..I told Jungkook,too."

"That's not what I asked!" I yelled, standing and grabbing a fistful of Taehyung's shirt in my hands. "Where is Jin?!"

Taehyung slowly removed my hands from his shirt, squeezing them before he sighed. "Namjoon, please sit down...Jin is..."

The sound of multiple footsteps suddenly came down the hallway. It was Yoongi, Jimin, and Hoseok. They wore sullen expressions. I turned back to Taehyung, waiting for him to proceed. His voice cracked as he said these dreadful words...

"Seokjin is gone..."