Letting Go (NamJin)

Part II: Sweet Alyssum

(italics) past memory

(Namjoon POV)

The rain caused the last leaf to fall of the Zelkova tree in the backyard. The little red leaf fluttered to the ground and landed in a puddle of mud, disappearing beneath it as it was pelted with rain drops. How easy it was to disappear...just like that leaf. It made me wonder how hard the tree had tried to hold on to its precious leaf... But alas, the leaf had fallen, leaving behind a sad, empty tree. However, the tree would grow new leaves in the Spring, and it would be happy again. That was something I couldn't do, no matter how hard I tried. Oh how I envied that tree. I turned away from the window, glancing down at my hands. They held multiple scars, from rose thorn pricks and cuts from the scissors I used to trim flowers. Those scars were a painful reminder of when I last felt happy. I pulled on the sleeves of my sweater and tucked away my hands, hiding the scars. I closed my eyes and focused on the sounds of the rain...

"Oh, I did it again...." Seokjin's worried voice came from behind the counter where he was trimming flower stems. After I had finished up ringing up my costumer, I glanced over my shoulder to see why he sounded so down. In his gentle hands, he held a light red carnation, the stem cut too short to use in the arrangement he was making. Seokjin put his scissors in the pocket of his apron and turned to where I stood, a slight pout upon his handsome features. We'd been working together for a little over two weeks, and I felt comfortable around Seokjin, almost as comfortable as I felt around my flowers. After all, he was one of them. Still, he was having trouble properly prepping flowers for arrangements.

I chuckled lightly, taking the small carnation from his hand and putting it at my eye level, inspecting it. "Hmm...too short again, huh? We'll have to throw it away...but this one is really perfect..." I half spoke to Seokjin, half thought to myself as I casually twirled the flower with my fingers. The bright red coloring would look nice with Seokjin's light honey skin...

Without thinking, I took the carnation and placed it in the chest pocket of Seokjin's long sleeved shirt. It fit comfortably there, I thought to myself before realizing what I had just done. With a gasp, I covered my face with my hands and groaned, peeking out from between my fingers. Seokjin stood there, his full lips formed a surprised "o" shape as his chocolate eyes stared at me. I mumbled quietly, "Seokjin, sorry...I--"

Seokjin's snicker caught me off guard, he held up his hand, palm facing me as if he were telling me to stop talking. I obeyed and looked warily at him, chewing my lower lip. "Why do you call me Seokjin? That's too formal! Call me Jin." Seokjin...Jin smiled warmly at me, his fingers lightly grazing the petals of the flowers in his pocket, "And you don't have to apologize for putting this guy here...I love it. Thank you. I'll try not to mess up again...or maybe I'll keep doing it, who knows..." Jin beamed before he turned back to his flower project, leaving me dazed and confused. Did Seokjin...did Jin just show interest in me? Could it be?

I stood, smiling like an idiot as I watched Jin's broad shoulders move as he trimmed and arranged. A costumer cleared her throat, and I was pulled from my daze. I apologized for the wait before she began to speak quietly, sadness in her voice as her puffy red eyes refused to meet my own. "I placed an order last week...for a funeral arrangement." She choked back tears as she finished her sentence.

"Oh, yes I remember. It's all ready, I'll get that for you," I told her gently, pressing my lips together as I walked to the back of the shop to fetch her arrangement. How I hated funeral arrangements...The flowers were beautiful, but the occasion was not. Jin helped me make this one, it held a single white rose in the center surrounded by white carnations, baby's breath, lilies, and Jin insisted on adding a few daisies, so we did. I held the vase and carefully made my way to the front counter. I paused for a moment as I heard breathless sobs coming from where my costumer was. I quickened my pace but paused again as I heard Jin's soothing voice trying to comfort her, I could hear the sympathy in his voice. With a final sigh, I walked to the front counter and placed the vase of flowers down, just in time to watch Jin place a corsage around the woman's thin wrist. Jin had made it a few days ago, using daises that were too short or left behind from other projects. He had put all his effort into carefully crafting the corsage, and here he was, tying it around the woman's wrist. Jin smiled sympathetically at her, and she nodded and returned a sad smile. The woman then turned and picked up her vase, thanking us before walking out into the crisp Autumn morning. Jin sighed and looked out the window of the shop, a look of concern on his face. He spoke quietly, though I'm not sure if it was to me or to himself.

"Death is so sad...not for the person dying, but for the people they leave behind. That poor woman lost her husband..." Jin's voice trailed off, before he turned to look at me, shaking his head before he gave a small smile, "It must be hard. I hope my daisies provided even a little comfort.." He then walked back around the counter to his unfinished project. I toyed with a small petal that was left at the counter. I learned two things just then. One; Jin was not only beautiful beyond words, he was kind and selfless. His soul was gentle. For all I know, he could be made of sugar, that's how sweet he was. And two; I feared nothing more than loosing him. He was my Sweet Alyssum, a flower that blooms in all conditions, creates peace and comfort, and has a lot more worth than just its beauty.

Sweet Alyssum...a flower with a heavenly scent. Light, tender, and comforting. The scent of it reminded me of Jin. I opened my eyes, the rain had stopped and it was dark out. I must have fallen asleep. With a small groan, I stood and walked to turn the lights on, the room flooded with warm tones once again. There were no traces of flowers in my home, the one thing I loved so much. It's funny how the things you love the most can hurt you so badly. My stomach rumbled, I guess I'd forgotten to eat, again. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to. I walked heavily into the kitchen, dragging my feet as I made my way to flick on the lights. It was empty, like it had been for a while now.