Letting Go (NamJin)

Part IX: Stock

(Italics) Past Memory
Namjoon POV

My fingers began to hurt from how cold I was. I was shaking violently, my breathing ragged and uneven. I lifted my head and reached over to turn the water off, silence once again filling the bathroom. My heart was pounding in my ears as blood rushed to my head when I stood. I opened the sliding glass door and reached out to grab a towel. I tried off quickly before wrapping the towel around my waist, tying it securely. I didn't even glance at the mirror as I walked out and into the bedroom. It was untouched, everything was the same as when Seokjin was alive. His skin care products were still laid out on the dresser, and his coat was draped over the back of my chair at my desk. I sighed and dropped the towel, stepping towards the closet. Seokjin and I had shared it, so when I opened it, Seokjin's scent overpowered me. The scent of his favorite detergent lingered in the clothes that hung next to mine. Mixed in with it, however, was his floral, coffee shop scent. It was comforting as I picked out my clothes and dressed myself in them. I closed the doors and walked to the nightstand, picking up the familiar rectangular phone that sat there, next to a dusty red pouch.

I hadn't touched my phone since that day in the hospital. Unlocking the screen,  I came to find 57 missed calls and 103 unread messages. It's not like any of them mattered to me anyway, they weren't Jin. I scrolled through messages, all from Taehyung, Hoseok, Yoongi, and Jimin.  The messages were mostly from Jimin, asking if I was okay and such.  As for the calls, they were mostly from Taehyung and Hoseok. One particular message caught my eye, however.

Unread Text
from: Jungkook
Namjoon, please call me when you can. There's someone I'd like you to meet.

It was sent last night. How weird. They all knew there was no one I would want to meet. So who could it be? I decided to give Jungkook a call.  After a few rings, he answered.

"Namjoon!" He exclaimed excitedly, I could hear a smile in his voice. "We've all been worried sick! Why haven't you answered your phone? Or opened the door? Yoongi and Jimin have been going over everyday and--"

"Hey...stop." I cut the excited boy off, a sigh slipping from my lips. "I just...I needed some time to be alone.. anyways,  I just saw your message. "

"ah, good! Do you think you can come to Taehyung's shop? In about an hour?" Jungkook asked.

"The... flower shop?" My heart fluttered at the mention. Could i actually bring myself to go back there? "Listen, I don't think--"

Now it was his turn to cut me off.
"It's important, Namjoon. I think it'll be helpful, as well. I'll pick you up,if you'd like." Jungkook said, his voice calm.

"No...I can walk." I sighed, chewing on my lower lip. With that, we ended the phone call. It took about 30 minutes to walk to the shop, which meant I could sulk for half an hour. I tossed my phone onto the bed and stared down at the carpet, alone with my thoughts once again.

Stock is a flower which symbolizes lasting beauty and a happy life. Both of which Seokjin would never get to experience. Sure, he'd be as beautiful as always, forever, but he'd be buried six feet under, where no one would be able to admire him.

I thought to myself as we pulled up to the cemetery. The boys and I had piled into the black SUV, which had been following the hearse that held Jin's casket. The funeral procession slowed and came to a stop in front of the main gates of the cemetery, and everyone began to shuffle out of the cars. Taehyung sat next to me, his hand lightly squeezing my knee reassuringly before he got out. I waited for a moment before following behind him. Yoongi, Jimin, Hoseok, Taehyung and Jungkook..they were all standing near the rear doors of the hearse, which were open to unload the casket. I approached them, and together, we pulled and lifted the casket onto our shoulders. It weighed almost nothing...Or it seemed that way, to me. After all, inside was the man I loved. Jungkook and Taehyung were holding the front of the casket, Yoongi and Jimin in the middle, and Hoseok and I at the back. Together, we walked slowly through the gates.