Letting Go (NamJin)

Part III: Bird of Paradise

(Italics) past memory

(Namjoon POV)

This kitchen held so many memories. The small potted plants along the window were dead now, too, just like the daisies outside. I couldn't remember what the specific plants were, and now there were brown and crumpled beyond recognition. Again, I didn't really care. They were just another reminder of the past.

I walked over to the sink, reaching out to turn on the cold water. I must've not checked what I was doing, because the next instant, hot water was scorching my hands. I winced, more out of habit than of actual pain. It didn't hurt. There was no pain greater than what I had suffered already. The steam of the hot water rose and lightly caressed my face, bringing along a little bit of warmth. It felt nice, but there was no greater warmth than that of what Jin had once provided me with. This was nothing. I shut off the water and dried my sore hands on the dishcloth next to the sink. They were still warm, almost as warm as they had been that day...

Seokjin and I had been working together for almost two months. The weather was growing colder, Winter was around the corner. I walked down the sidewalk towards the flower shop, my arms wrapped around my body for warmth. If I hadn't been wearing my mask, my breath would have surely been visible. Luckily, Taehyung, my close friend and owner of the shop, had given Jin and I a half day. We'd close the shop early.

Before I knew it, I had arrived at the front entrance of the shop. Hesitantly, I removed the glove from my right hand, quietly cursing under my breath as the cold breeze pricked my skin. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the shop key, unlocking the front door and stepping inside. I sighed in relief, it was pleasantly warm in here. But, not too warm, the flowers had to be at a cool temperature. I flipped the 'closed' sign on the door to 'open' before I removed my coat, mask, and glove, hanging them on a coat rack behind the door. It was quiet in here, since Jin hadn't arrived. I was so used to having him around, the quiet and empty shop made me uncomfortable.

With a heavy sigh, I picked up my apron and tied it on before picking up a broom and sweeping the floor, the brush of the broom's bristles on the tile was the only sound I heard. I looked up as I heard the bell on the door chime, and my day was instantly better. Jin stood there, shivering yet smiling as he walked towards me, two cups of warm coffee in his hands. I could see the steam rising from the lids. His voice was heavenly as he spoke to me, " Good morning, Namjooniiiiie! Sorry I'm late, I picked up some coffee on the way, to keep us warm and toasty!" Jin grinned and offered me the drink in his right hand.

His cheerfulness made me smile, I could feel it creeping upon my lips as soon as he said my nickname, given to me by none other than himself. I gave in and smiled genuinely at him, taking the drink from his hand. "Thank you, I appreciate it. Nothing like warm coffee on a cold morning." I agreed with him, though I thought to myself that his eyes were the warmest thing here. The cup felt very warm in my cold hand, which tingled as heat spread through it. This was the same feeling I got whenever I was near Jin, there was no better feeling in the world.

I held his cup for him as he removed his coat and hat, placing them next to mine on the rack. He ran his fingers through his hair, leaving him with adorably messy locks of coffee brown hair. He gracefully tied on his apron and then turned back to me, just as I extended my hand which held his coffee. He took it, and our hands met. They lingered there for a while, his skin was soft and warm, it was perfect. I looked up to meet Jin's eyes, though it was his cheeks that caught my attention. They were red, were they that way from our hands touching? Maybe not...maybe they were just red from the cold weather. Either way, they were cute.

Neither of us moved. We stood there in silence. Somehow, he had moved the coffee to his other hand and was holding my hand, our fingers intertwined. My heart began to race as I realized I had been staring at him the whole time, and I began to chew my lower lip nervously. Suddenly, Jin tugged at my hand, pulling me closer to him, only a few inches between us now. We were almost the same height, our eyes held each other. In that moment, there was nothing I'd rather be looking at, nothing I'd rather be doing. Jin began to lean in, I could feel his warm breath upon my cheeks. It was shaky, was he nervous?

And then our lips met, in the softest and most tender way. My eyes fell closed, his lips were velvety soft against my own. They were hot, comfortably hot. Most likely from the coffee he had been drinking. He tasted that way as well, like the richest, most delicious coffee in the world.

The moment he pulled away, I felt cold again. When I opened my eyes, he was blushing, but there was a happy smile upon his lips. His voice was tender, and loving as he spoke, "Thank you, I've been wanting to do that.." With that, he sipped his coffee and walked behind the counter, humming to himself.

I stood there, my mind reeling from what had just happened. Jin had just kissed me. The man I loved so dearly had just kissed me...that meant he must have feelings for me too. It had to be! I resisted the urge to squeal. I was beyond happy. I wanted to laugh and cry, to desperately grab Jin and kiss him with all the passion in the world. But for now, this was enough. The smile on my face was huge, I knew it. I licked my lips, savoring the taste Jin's lips left on mine.

It was then I decided that Seokjin would be mine. He was my Bird of Paradise. He brought me warmth, and spread joyfulness wherever he was. That was all I needed. He was all I needed.

He tasted like sweet coffee...maybe like a caramel macchiato. Everything about Seokjin was appealing to me. By now, my hands had returned to their normally cold state, and I realized I was alone. My mind had once again transported me to the past, to memories of warmth. Why did it like to torture me? What had I done wrong to deserve this? All of our friends had ended up happy...Taehyung had met and married Hoseok in America, Jimin had been together with Yoongi for as long as I can remember. And Jungkook, he was married and expecting a child with his wife.

They were all happy now, their happiness should have made me happy. But it didn't. It made me even more miserable. Why couldn't Jin and I end up like they did? I would forever feel guilty for it. I cut off whatever little communication I had with my friends a long time ago, I couldn't bear watching them talk about the joy of life. This was my life now, sitting and watching time pass, as it would do, with or without my Seokjin.