Letting Go (NamJin)

Part X: Daffodil

(Italics) Past Memory
Namjoon POV

I picked up my phone from where it sat on my bed. Tucking it into my pocket, I slipped on my shoes and headed to the door.

My hand lingered in front of the door knob hesitantly. What was I doing? I hadn't left the house since I was left alone... since I lost all I cared for. If people hadn't known better, they would assume I had died right along with Seokjin. Because that's how it had felt, that's how I had acted.

And now, as I grasped and turned the cold metal knob, my heart began to pound quickly. Yet, I'm not sure if it was from the anxiety of going out without Seokjin's hand in mine, or out of excitement of actually going out again. I wanted to believe it was the first one.

I pulled the front door open, a cool breeze instantly refreshing my cheeks. Stepping outside, the front yard of the house looked utterly...new. The tree out front had small green leaves growing from the brown barren branches. Even the sky seemed more clear, more blue.

I tucked my hands into my pants, my left hand curling gently around the pouch that contained Jin's ring. Somehow, the action soothed my anxious heart.

I began to shuffle slowly along the street down towards the shop. After walking past a few houses, I entered the shopping distract.

It was busy today. People were out and about, gathered at the small markets along the street or browsing the shops. As I passed the bakery, the scent of warm, fresh-baked bread drifted from the open door. I took a moment to peek through the window, staring at all the beautiful pastries displayed there. It felt nice, to just admire..

I resumed walking, slowing again when I saw a small old woman sitting on a wooden box near a shop window. In front of her where buckets filled with colorful flowers.

As I walked closer, the old woman gave me a warm smile, her eyes hiding within the wrinkles on her face. "Hello, young man. Would you like to buy a flower?" She said, her voice was kind. She reached forward, carefully looking through her flowers before selecting three bright yellow daffodils. She extended her frail hand, offering me the flowers with a sincere smile.
"Here you go, I think you need some light in your life."

The Daffodil is a flower that symbolizes rebirth, new beginnings, and eternal life. These woman seemed to have known how I was feeling...How though? I wondered to myself as I received the flowers, raising them to my face to take a sniff. They were lightly fragrant, like a sunny day.

"Thank you...How much do I owe you?" I asked her as I reached into my pocket, fumbling for change.

"Nothing, dear boy. Take it, and please, smile." The old woman smiled her crinkely-eyed smile and waved me away, humming as she rearranged some flowers. I stood for a moment, stunned, and a bit confused. I gave her the best smile I could and shuffled away from the stand, the flowers held gently in my hand.

I thought about a lot of things. Like how these flowers symbolized new beginnings. Maybe it was time to begin again, to learn to live without him, to accept it.... the flowers also symbolized eternal life. It was fitting, in a way, because although Jin was no longer with me, he would live forever within my heart, within my memories. The rebirth part stumped me, I couldn't find a way to associate it...

My thoughts came to an abrupt halt as I realized where I was. Chills ran through my body and I felt panicked. I was at the spot where Jin and I had been shot at. It was at this exact spot where my world came crashing down.

I tried to control my unsteady breathing, grabbing onto the nearest wall. I leaned against it, my hand over my eyes as I inhaled, and exhaled. Jin's face was all I could see, his smile, his kind eyes...It was all I could see.