Everything Isn't What It Always Seems

Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight-

I was drifting between heaven and reality. There was a pull bringing be back to earth but I was fighting against. What actually brought me back down was Aiden's voice telling me how much I loved him and if I wake up he'll make it up to me. Even though I didn't want to live part of me would never forgive myself that I would hurt the ones I care about. Slowly I opened my eyes, this place seemed totally unfamiliar. This wasn't a hospital, I didn't know where I was. Was I still dreaming?  Before I had chance to adjust the room, Caitlin's arms were wrapped round me. I felt safe with her arms around me but her tight hug caused me to gasp for air.

"Careful now, they seem to think she could have a few broken ribs"

How did they not know if I had broken ribs, surely they should've done some x-rays. My headed hurt so much with how confused I was, why won't they tell me where I was. I was surrounded by family and friends, Aiden, Caitlin, mum, aunt Kate, Declan, Simon and granddad Joe. I was so glad Dan wasn't here. I probably would've hit him if I could move. What was the matter with me, I just felt so angry all the time. Mum sat down on my bed and put her hand on my leg.

"Why did you do it?"

"Do what?" I snapped. It wasn't even my mum I was angry at so why was I yelling at her. I felt let down the one person who was there to protect me failed.

"Well sweetie, you were found under "Dead man's bridge" unconscious, we thought maybe someone had pushed you but then we found the notes in your pocket"

I didn't have anything to say, I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I wanted to be left alone but I see that's not going to happen, not until answered there questions. I felt so weak and vulnerable and maybe I was so instead of answering my mum I done the cowards thing and turned away pretending I was asleep and luckily enough they fell for it. My mum, Caitlin and my aunt Kate hovered for abit and I could make out their entire conversation.

"Is she going to be alright?"

"Caitlin we're not sure, first thing is the psychiatrist wants to get as much information out of her and I don't think she'll talk to them"

"They can't force it out of her, she needs time. Maybe it was a bad idea bringing her here."

"Well I'm glad Declan found her, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I lost her too"

"What did the doctor say anyways, you know about her ribs"

"Broken ribs, which might be bad because of how underweight she is, she was luck to have no head damage, in fact she's lucky to be alive not that she's going to see it that way"

"I'm a horrible best friend"

I looked up at her and smiled "No, you're the bestest best friend imaginable". They looked over me, feeling ashamed that I was awake.

"Ellia, we thought you were asleep, are you alright"

"Besides the fact i've got broken ribs and have to see a psychiatrist, I'm still not alright"

"Oh, Ellia, we're sorry, we shouldn't of done this, we thought it might make you better but I doubt it will"

The rest of the days i the "Mental" hospital were peaceful, Aiden would come see me with a nice Starbucks coffee that somehow he sneaked in. Caitlin would sit with me and read. Mum would sit and paint my nails. The days were relaxing however the nights were far from it. When the lights were turned off at 10, I could feel the darkness around me. Every shadow seemed to scare me. I was scared of the dark, flashbacks were what kept me awake. When I did sleep, I dreamed of Dan and his cunning face as I jumped off the bridge, how he looked at me when I screamed no at him. When I wake up I seemed to feel like a zombie. My family and friends might think I'm happy but really I was depressed. It was the day I was released to go home when the psychiatrist came in to in to speak to me, he didn't say anything he looked like he was used to these situations, handed me a letter telling me when my first appointment was with him and left without a hello, a introduction not even a goodbye.

I missed alot of school, too much and the thing was I didn't eve feel like staying behind to catch up. Caitlin noticed the changes in me, I seemed bitchier not just to her but the bullies and even the teachers. I started to refuse to do work which caused me to be kicked out of lessons. I was so angry that I couldn't control it and I didn't see how I could anyways. I just wanted to scream at everyone, everything was my fault and I blamed myself so much that I started to torture myself, I starved myself. The truth got out about why I was off, and the bullying just got worse. They left my weight out of it but they started calling me an attention seeker. When Caitlin had to give out the books one day she was just about to pass me it when she stopped herself.

"What is it?"

"Ellia, I don't know who done this but that's horrible"

She was just about to tell the teacher when I pushed her gently out the way. I made sure that she wouldn't tell no teachers and after so many arguments she agreed not to tell anyone. I was so wrapped up in my own head that I didn't even realize that Caitlin had a new boyfriend. She might of told me about it but half the time I was never listening which made her get frustrated at me and that's when we started arguing. I'm not the same girl I used to be. Aiden was the only person who could calm me down when I was having my huge outbursts. It seemed like me and Caitlin were going separate ways and it was killing me inside realizing, I pushed her away too much. Maybe she was better off without me. When we both stopped talking to each other completely the cold reminder sunk in that I had one less reason to stay alive.

I spent most my time with Aiden, most the time we sat in the park but sometimes we would sit at my house reading. Aunt Kate had acknowledged our relationship and she was glad that I was happy. She did notice the lack of Caitlin's presence.

"Why don't you hang out with Caitlin no more, spending too much time with Aiden is the wrong thing to do"

I just looked at her. I did miss Caitlin, I just wasn't sure how to sort things out with her. I could apologize but she deserved more than that. I promised myself the next morning that I would talk to her. And that's what happened. The first thing I noticed about Caitlin was, she had dyed her hair red. This was unusual for her because she loved purple but I suppose she fancied a change. When I looked at her I could see how much weight she had lost. I hope she wasn't becoming too much like me. The thing that stood out the most was her black eye. Was she getting into fights now?

"Caitlin"

She turned to look at me and gave me a weak smile.

"Your eye, what happened, I mean you don't have to tell me if you don't want to but I'm hear for you if you need me"

I didn't expect this she gave me a slap in the face and gave me a huge hug while tears ran down her cheek. We left form to sit in the abandoned toilets while she told me about her boyfriend, how he was a drunk and he started to hit her because she broke up with him. The best news was that her ex boyfriend was moving to Canada. I sat and hugged her till the bell rang for first lesson. I put my arm around and walked silently to the lesson. We were at least 10 minutes late which the teacher gave us a lecture about, I had another rage attack which meant I got sent out. When I calmed down and was allowed back in Caitlin smiled at me. She wrote on abit of paper. Something happened to you before you jumped off the bridge, don't tell me now, tell me when you think you need to. I smiled at her to show that I understood. When the bell rang for home time, I expected my aunt there but instead it was my social worker. I could feel my cheeks going read with embarrassment. People already thought I was an attention seeker, I didn't want them finding out I lived in care, but now there was no way to hide it.

"Ellia, we've got some good news, your dad was found and has being moved to a prison down somewhere South, so that means you can go home now"

She handed me my bags and instead of driving home with her I walked home by myself, since Caitlin was gone. In the end I wish I had've got a lift home because I was being followed yet again. They started shouting "Psycho Ellia" I started running and so did they, one of the girls punched me in the face. I wasn't embarrassed by that, the thing they done that was embarrassing was someone from there gang was filming it. I ran home ad ran straight into my room. I cried and told myself I couldn't do this no more as I held the blade to my wrists. A slight cut and there was blood pouring out of me onto the floor. For those few minutes it took my mind off things.