Everything Isn't What It Always Seems

Chapter Ten

Last 2 chapters. Proud to say these might make you abit happier.

Chapter Ten-

Instead of doing my usual when I had an appointment being late, I was on time for a change. I was scared. I kept biting my nails. Last night was another one of them nights where I stayed up all night, having flashbacks, tons of questions running through my mind. My head hurt with how much stress I was going through. I sat in the cold white waiting room, basically loosing my mind. The clocks hands ticked inside my head. I pressed my hands to my head which automatically concerned the receptionist. She walked to me smiling. She crouched down to my level and offered me a drink of water. Her kindness shone right through her, maybe she was used to kids being like this? I accepted her drink, I realized that it helped just a little bit, the queasiness was going abit but my head hurt more than ever. When my psychiatrist finally came out of his office he looked at me with sudden distress.

"I am shocked, you're early"

"Well, can we get on with it"

We sat down, it was silent, I could hear the cars driving past. Eventually he broke the silence, it seemed like he was trying to find the exact words to say that wouldn't make me angry or upset.

"Can we talk about what happened with Dan, you don't have to go into to detail, I just want to know how you feel about it"

"What if I don't want to talk about it"

"Listen Ellia, you might not think so now but you need to talk to someone about it and not just lie and say you're fine, because I can see that you're not fine, you're far from fine and you haven't been for a long time"

"So what'd you want me to say? That it's my fault"

"Is that how you feel?"

"Yes"

I was getting frustrated and I felt bad for shouting at him so I sighed an apology which he smiled at. Throughout the session I cried. I told him about me not sleeping properly, how I can stare at the walls for hours and feel empty. I don't feel anything most the time when I'm not angry. I just feel lost, like my souls missing. I told him about how I self harmed which he didn't look surprised. We planned to see on ways to not to self harm. I told him how I'm on my last warning too at school for fighting which he laughed about. After the session Caitlin and Aidan planned to meet me in town and we were planning on going to McDonald's. I was starting to eat more, but I was still doing exercise and being sick afterwards.

After McDonald's and immature behaviour round tow me and Caitlin wet home. Usually she would sit in mine but something stopped her. There was a police car outside the house. I slowly opened the sitting room door and all eyes where in.

"Officer this is my daughter Ellia"

"Ellia, nice to meet you, we want to talk to you more about what happened about the rape incident"

I wasn't ready, not yet. It was too soon, but I wanted things to get better and the sooner I talk about it, the better I'll feel so I sat inside the kitchen talking to the officer, going into gross details. I was shaking like a leaf in a windy day. I kept taking huge braves and reminding myself I can do this. After the officer had gotten enough information he informed me there will be a court case. After a few hours of me and my mum sitting in silence we had a knock on the door. It was Kate all alone she grabbed hold of me and hugged me tightly apologizing. Why was she apologizing?

"Dan confessed, I'm sorry sweetheart I didn't think he'd ever do such a thing, after everything you've been through as well, can you ever forgive me"

I was too shocked to speak so I nodded. He had confessed. Why did he do that? Maybe deep down he realized how much of a monster he was. That night Kate stayed with us until she had to go to work, she promised me she wanted to make it up to me. I didn't think there was anything she could do to make it up to me. How would she feel if she felt like everyone didn't believe me. I ignored her constant promises and left her and my mum to go see Caitlin. I fully told her about what happened. She told me how proud she was but she had some bad news and it killed her thinking about it. I could see the emptiness in her eyes. She was moving back to the UK and I might not see her. She was waiting till the end of next week. It might seem selfish but I needed her. Her news didn't sink in and I don't think it was going to either until she was gone. I felt numb. We sat and talked about why she was moving back to England and it was mostly because she hardly got to see her dad. When I left I had yet another sleepless night. I kept thinking about everything today and about Liam and how soon I was going to be alone again. I feared that, I didn't trust myself. Anything could happen.

The next day at school was just as dull. We had drama and today we were working in groups. Of course me and Caitlin were a pair but we didn't have enough people so I tried refusing to do it but the teacher shouted at me and threatened to split me and Caitlin up so I suffered in silence. I hated drama anyways so I didn't take part and no one really offered us a part. Caitlin didn't really join in either. After drama, we had break so we sat outside just chilling when we saw numerous of people pointing in his direction. Some of the girls even looked attracted to him but he was mine. What on earth was Aidan doing here. I freaked out as he headed towards us. Girls were whispering through their hands to each other. What was going on?

"Ellia, thought I'd stop by"

"Aren't you supposed to be at school?"

"School's for losers, you want to go?"

I looked at Caitlin, her face looked exactly what I was thinking what if you get caught. I felt bad if we left and left her behind but I wanted to go.

"Caitlin, I'm going with Aidan"

"So am I"

"What if you get caught?"

"What if you get caught? Listen I leave here soon so it's not as if it's going to make a difference if I get caught and you're on your last warning and I suppose you don't care about that"

After she said this we both looked at each other with stupid smiles on our face and ran out the school feeling carefree. We ran all the way to the riverside, hardly anyone goes here so we were less likely to be caught down here. We lay on the grass laughing and messing around until all out stomachs were grumbling. We had a slight problem none of us had any food. Luckily enough we all had some change so we sent Aidan off to the shop for some snacks. The rest of the day was perfect.

It was the last week, Caitlin would be leaving on Sunday and I finally realized soon, it was goodbye. I was sat in my room with Caitlin when my mum came upstairs looking ill, she was carrying Simon.

"Ellia, we need to talk?"

"Go ahead"

"I knew you ran away from school the other day, I don't blame you, I know you hate it there and it's going to be hard when Caitlin leaves but we kinda have some bad news"

"What is it?"

"They've dropped the case, nothings going to court and Dan won't admit it now that the police have dropped it, I'm so sorry"

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't breathe my chest was hammering to quick. I thought I was going to die. Caitlin looked scared. I tried breathing slowly but it wasn't working. I was like that for half an hour and eventually it stopped. It then soon hit me that I was having a panic attack. It was Tuesday and me and Caitlin were late to school. But we weren't alone. There were others. They grabbed me from behind at first and started shoving me. The teacher stared ad didn't do anything. The stupid teacher didn't do anything while I was getting punched right into my ribs where I had broken them. Caitlin was screaming at the teacher to help but she didn't move. Were they going to kill me? Maybe they were but I wasn't going to die like this so when a hand was aiming towards my face I grabbed hold of it and twisted it ignoring the girls cry of pains and pushed her into the wall. I started kicking into her. Finally payback for the past years of her bullying me and Liam. Her friends started screaming and still the teacher didn't do anything. The girl fell to the floor, blood dripping from her nose. I stopped myself. What had I done?