[The South Park Elementary Library, night. The Goths and Vamps are gathered at table there, complete with candles]
Mike: We call upon the creator of all that is dark! The godfather of Death and Despair! Edgar Allan Poe, your followers in darkness beg for your help! [everyone looks around, but nothing happens] We summon to the world of the living the great Edgar Allan Poe! Knower of all that is misery! Your children need special guidance! Per se.
Pete: This, is your plan?! Try to summon Edgar Allan Poe back from the dead?!
Mike: Edgar Allan Poe was the original Vamp kid.
Pete: No, he was the original Goth, but he'd been dead for 150 years!
Black Vamp: Ey, look man! All genres of Gothic subcultures are derivatives of Poe's work. Muthafucka!
Pete: Look, we came to you for help, and all you've done since then is waste our time! [a violent thunderclap and lightning immediately follow, and a vortex opens up on the ceiling]
Cowlick Vamp: Holy shit look!
[Edgar Allan Poe appears and the vortex vanishes]
Poe: Where am I? What is this place?
Firkle: It's him! It's Edgar Allan Poe.
Poe: Why have the living summoned me from my rest? [Mike taps Pete to signal that it's his turn to speak]
Pete: Uhhhhh okayokay, listen: there's this camp for troubled kids, right? Only they aren't helping kids, they're, they're purposefully turning them into Emos.
Poe: Emos? ...Ew-oh my God, Emos are such wannabe conformists.
Mike: Yeah, oh yes!
Pete: Right!
Poe: Children of Darkness, I would help you, but I fear I cannot be seen with a bunch of douchey Vamp kids and their poser-ass plastic fangs.
Pete: Thank you!
Mike: Hey!
Pete: I'm just saying it's nice to know that Edgar Allan Poe agrees wth us.
Poe: Agrees with who? Is that red dye in your hair or did a blood demon take a shit on your head, poser?
Black Vamp: Ah ah! He got you there, nigga!
Pete: Okay, look, we're running out of time. You have to help us stop the Emos.
Poe: Why should I? Just 'cause you summoned me doesn't mean you're the boss of me!
Pete: Uh, yeah, it kind of does.
Poe: [floats away, mocking] Oh okay, Mom. Let's go fight the Emos, Mom.
YOU ARE READING
South Park Goth Kids: Dawn Of The Posers
RandomI found the script of the ENTIRE episode on Google guys 💯 I made another one but for some reason I can't write/ edit it anymore 😕😟
