How To Love | Daniel Seavey AU

7 | affection

IT HAD BEEN A while since the last time I was hugged. I refused to show any form of affection towards my mom as she rarely did it herself, and I chose to not show any form of affection towards my dad from his behaviour in the past. I had been fine without hugging anyone—without being comforted besides comforting myself. It has always been me, myself and I, for the past eight years...

I never knew how much I needed a hug until Daniel did so.

I didn't break down on his shoulder when he hugged me, I still didn't want him to see me cry and be weak. I still barely knew the boy. The walls I built up had become higher the second he wrapped his arm around me, and cracks had begun to form within the bricks of it, but I clenched my jaw, pulling away from him, wanting the walls to stay up. "Why did you do that?"

He sighed in frustration, running his hands over his face, "Can you stop asking why and just go with it?"

"No," I shook my head, a crease between my brows, "you're caring, we're not friends—"

"Yes we are, Logan," he gripped my shoulders, his blue eyes looking into my brown eyes. He was determined, more than he was before. "We are friends and you, right now, need one."

"No I don't," I mumbled, shaking my head, pushing his hands off me, "I don't need friends—I'm fine on my own." I walked past him, wanting to go back to the apartment complex and hiding within my covers in my room, in the comfort of loneliness.

Then I remembered my dad was there and stopped mid-step.

You can't go back. "I can't go back."

"What?" I turn to face him, feeling the panic rise within me as I choked on the words. "You walked quite far from home, you know."

"I– I can't go home," I uttered, loud enough for him to hear.

"How come?" I only shook my head, raising my shaky hands to run them through my hair in panic. I don't want to see him, I've dealt with being around him back in Ontario, I don't want to deal with him anymore. He's not my dad anymore, he's someone I used to call my dad. He threw our relationship away, he made everything crumble for me. I'm like this because of him.

He made me not trust anyone. He made me scared to socialize. He made me feel incompetent because of that one sentence. Eight words but thousands of emotions. It affected me in ways I didn't know it could, and I grew to be self conscious. If I was a regret to my dad, then I must be a regret to everyone else around me. I'm irrelevant, I'm not important.

I'm the world's biggest regret.

"Logan, hey, hey," Daniel comforts, holding onto my shoulders gently and leaning down to make eye contact with my panicked eyes. "Breathe, you're not breathing properly." He informed. "Follow me," he instructed. He took a deep breath and I mimicked him, exhaling at the same time as he did and we did it a couple more times until I closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath.

"Come, we'll get something to eat," he offered, and I wordlessly followed him. His car was parked in front of the bench I was sitting on earlier, so how he found me was connected. I sat in the passenger seat in silence. My earphones were in my bag, but I didn't make a move to grab them since the radio was on. It was silent for half the drive, until we reached a stop light and Daniel faced me. Immediately, my nails dug into my palm, anticipating for the question.

"Are you hungry for anything specific?" He asked, and I was taken aback. What the fuck? I turned my head to him, confusion prominent in my features. "You heard me, want anything specific?"

"Uh... pizza?" I answered, still unsure.

"Paulo's it is," he grinned, heading to his part-time job. We arrived at the pizza place, and Daniel was able to get the employee discount on a medium sized pizza for the both of us. I insisted on paying, which he only nodded to, and took the ten dollars I handed to him. I found a place to sit which was the corner booth, far from most of the customers and he sat across from me, sliding my drink to me.