How To Love | Daniel Seavey AU

33 | not-date

IT WAS 2 AM and I hadn't fallen asleep because today was the day that I'll be, well, going out with Daniel—as friends. Until now, I still have no idea how I feel about this. Do I like it? Am I uncomfortable with the idea? I'm not sure because I've never had to face this situation before in my life, and Daniel—as usual—changes everything I've ever done in my life.

Looking over to the window sill, Ellie was staring outside. I called after her, and she faced me, hopping off the seat and onto my chest, pressing her paws against my chest for a bit before sitting, staring down at my face. "I have a... date with Daniel," I whispered to her, but knew that she wouldn't respond. "I don't know if I truly like him in a way that... well, that way."

But that means you like him, even if it is platonic. Of course I do, he's been nothing but kind and caring and sweet to me when I've been cold. How can you not like him?

Then again, how can I not like him that way? He kissed me... twice! I've been kissed twice now, and after the second one, I couldn't help but want to kiss him more. His lips were just so... gentle—

"Logan," I whispered to myself, ridding of the sappy thoughts. "He's taking you out as a friend because he feels the need to do so because your lack of a love life is sad." But why do I feel so giddy? I've known Daniel for—how long? A little over seven months? How is it that I was able to hold these feelings back for him during those times?

Most romances start off as strangers and denial. Can you stop being right? It's confusing not only me, but every singe idea I had of love.

No. I'm not in love with anyone—love isn't real. Love is an illusion, and this is simply... infatuation, nothing close to love.

You can't love something that doesn't love you back.

At some point of my jumbled thoughts, I had fallen asleep and woke up to my alarm blaring from across the room. Dragging my feet lazily, I remembered what today was and a rush of energy entered me, all signs of drowsiness gone as I looked at the time. 9:00 AM. I have an hour to get ready, and my lack of clothing items wasn't going to make it easy since Daniel has seen me in most of the pieces that hang in my closet.

I don't want you to be uncomfortable, his words echoed in my head. I smiled.

I peeked outside my window to see dark clouds covering the blue skies, and I'm not sure if the weather will stay like this later in the day, but I didn't want to freeze. I prepared a white graphic tee, black skinny jeans with a few rips and a distressed jean jacket. Simple, but that's all I could do at the moment—I haven't done a shopping spree since, well... I'm not entirely sure. I've saved most of my allowances for things I might want later in the future.

"Should I have my hair up or down?" I asked, exchanging between holding my brown locks up and then down, turning to face Ellie who was lying down on the window seat, her head hanging over the edge, a bit of her tongue sticking out.

"My lack of girl friends is finally taking a toll on me," I muttered to myself before eyeing my figure in the mirror. My hair has grown since summer last year, reaching just underneath my breasts, and even my eyes seemed a bit more... lively. Closing my eyes, I sighed, "he's already affecting me physically."

Heading to the shower, I took my time. I had already washed my hair last night—at midnight, to be exact. My brown hair was still a bit damp, but it fell in soft waves as I tried using a blow-dryer to dry it a bit. I pinned one side of my hair back, trying to make myself look presentable, only to give up and blow hair away from my face. Wow, trying to look good is hard.