How To Love | Daniel Seavey AU

36 | emotionless

A WEEK HAD GONE by, and I hadn't spoken to Daniel since our fight. Marissa and my mother have noticed how my expressions have begun to go back to how they used to; blank and stoic. No emotions were detected, not even during a clip of a funny moment that played on TV. I had lost all senses of feeling, and it was odd because I didn't mind it. I've spent a long time being emotionless; it was having emotions that was supposed to be considered weird in my life.

I was emotionless like how I was before meeting Daniel, and right now, it was like he never existed.

Of course I spot him in school, especially in the class we shared, but we ignore one another and we don't bother sharing glances. We were back to being strangers—not like we were in the beginning of the school year. It felt as if he never delivered pizza to my place and I had moved here without knowing anyone in the school.

Because of this, I had also avoided Anna, even though she wasn't at fault in this whole predicament that I had placed upon myself. She tries approaching me a few times, but I'd merely shrug it off as if she got the wrong person—it was hard watching hurt etch across her soft features, but after that, she never tried again.

I was back, to put it shortly. I was back to being cold and alone; I walked through halls with my earphones in and a hood over my head, looming past everyong like a shadow as I avoided conversation with each and everyone, until the week ended, and the weekend came.

This weekend was different. I had a lot of packing to do, and to finish a lot of the school the work the teachers had given us. Not only that, but I had to take my SATs and ACTs, and whatever standardized exam that was, before everyone else so everything will be ready before orientation week in college. I wasn't completely stressed out since the syllabus was all complete and accurate to what was given on the test.

But apparently for my mother, it seemed stressful.

"Are you sure you don't want to join us for a spa day?" She asked as I was placing glue on a popsicle stick for art class. I shook my head, not bothering to say a word as she grumbled in response before letting me be.

This was actually the first time she left me alone since the fight I had with Daniel. As I heard the front door slam shut, I looked up from my structure of popsicles and to the door, the fight involuntarily coming to mind.

There was something that ticked me off with that fight. Not just Daniel, but what he said before he left—how he said it. It plunged a knife into me, and the way he asked me, as if, making me doubt myself caused not only anger to emerge, but pain. An internal pain. The same pain I had felt the night that my dad said those words about me without knowing I was there to hear them.

Only difference, I was there to hear them and he had looked directly into my eyes as I said it.

Why did that hurt me? It's not like actually believed what he said. I couldn't distract myself right now, as much as I could with studying, the words are barely processing through my head. I can't distract myself with Ellie because she's at the groomers and vet to check if she's safe for travelling. Going through social media is a waste because nothing interests me with my current state of boredom with everything.

Glancing around my room, my eyes stop at my unmade bed, the messy covers and pillow with the dent of my head seemed inviting. Lazily, I carry myself towards my bed, sinking within the mattress and letting the covers swallow me as I hug my pillow to my chest, letting my body rest and my eyes close, sleep enveloping me and I drift into a dream.