Making BIG moves
"What type of house are you looking for" the Realtor asks.
Killa and I decided we needed to move out that house it holds too many old and negative memories. We want to start off on a good foot, so finding a new place seems right.
"MTV cribs style" killa say causing me to chuckle and shake me head.
He has it in this mind that we going to live in the big ten bedroom house, with all that extra stuff. Me on the other hand I want something smaller and secluded.
"Not to big, but big enough to host parties and I want it secluded. I don't want nosey neighbors" I explain especially in Killa's line of work.
The Realtor writes everything down, while nodding her head "Price range?" she asks.
"There is none" killa spits out.
"Under one million please" I say.
All he does is spend money without looking over prices, one day his ass going to wake up broke. Than he going to want to kill somebody.
"Okay" she looks hesitant but nods and write the information down. "How about extending the family" she asks.
"Excuse me?" I asks confused by the question.
"Any kids in the future?" she asks "I asks because I have to get as much information as possible to find the perfect house to fit your present and future. Assuming you would want to extend your family" she explain.
"Excuse me" I say as l get up.
"Did I say something wrong" I hear the Realtor asks killa as I walk out and go to the bathroom.
I don't know what is wrong with me but I break down, at any thought of killa and I having a baby together. Considering I lost our first baby, it don't matter if I have 30 kids not one can replace the first. I'm tired of crying all I want is to be happy, but how I'm going to get there with the lost hovering over me.
Do women ever get over the lost of their first child?
I'm I ever going to get over the lost?
After a couple minutes of getting myself together I walk out and find killa standing waiting with a blank look on his face.
Without a word we walk out the building and to the car, the ride was silent. It was awkward seeing as though we are never silent, the radio wasn't even playing.
"What happened" he asks while at a red light.
"Nothing, I just lost it for a second" I explain looking out the window.
"Was it about the baby" he asks, I simply nod "I've tried to talk to you about this before, you said it was fine" he say sighing.
"Well I'm not, I lost a baby. I can't get over that, you didn't carry the baby I did. You didn't have to experience that fear I had, you didn't see all the blood. God there was so much blood" I cry "waking up I'm the hospital and finding out that I was beat so bad I lost my child. That child depend on my for life, I don't even know I was pregnant" I cry into my hand.
"How was you going to protect a baby you didn't know you was having" killa asks.
"It doesn't change the fact that my baby is gone" I snap.
"OUR baby…I lost a baby to" he snap back "not a day go by ion think about my seed, whether it was a boy or a girl, if it had your smile, how our life would have been different. I lost just like you did, I just didn't carry it" he explain as he makes his way back to the house.
