Not making love
As the Dean says my name I walk up and my family go's crazy, it's embarrassing but I love them. I smile and wave as I walk across the stage and he hands me my certification paper.
Walking off I seat back in my seat "Congratulations to all" he smile.
After a long applause we exit to our families. Today is suppose to be happy but I can't help the void in my heart for Killa.
He didn't come, which was expected but it doesn't make my pain hurt any less. We are like totally strangers we live in the same house but different rooms. He come and change than live without a word, my mother moved in to help me. Making sure I eat, take my pills, and go to my therapy sessions, I love her being there but who I really want, doesn't want anything to do with me.
It's perfectly understandable I lied now I'm paying for it.
"I'm so proud of you" my mother embrace me smiling.
"Thank you" I smile as I hug each and everyone. "Now I'm ready to eat" I whine.
"When are you not" Kailey joke.
"You used to always eat to" King add.
"This not about me" Kailey say causing us to laugh she is a trip.
We make it back to my house where my mother cooked a feast and all I can think about it digging in.
We are all seating at the table laughing and having a good time when we hear the front door slam and also some giggles. It beta not be.
"Don't" Lula says, I ignore her and stand up walking to the grand entrance, where I find killa with his tongue down another bitch throat.
"How fucking disrespectful" I yell grabbing a vase and throwing it nearly hitting their face.
"What the hell" Killa shout moving away. The girl looks scared as hell.
"What the fuck are you doing" I shout.
"What the fuck you mean we are not together" her snap "come on" he pulls the girl.
"I'll beat both y'all asses if you take a step on them dam stairs... I dare you" I snap.
"Sit yo pregnant ass down somewhere" Killa chuckles taking me for a joke, the moment he step foot on the step, I run over pulling ol'girl hair dragging her to the door while punching her at the same time. She try to swing at me, but misses every hit.
"Let me go hoe" the random shouts.
"Oh my God, your pregnant" I hear Lula shouts.
"Don't fucking touch me" I yell as I see King move over to me, he immediately step back.
I open the door and drag her down the stairs pushing her out. I walk back in and all eyes are on me.
"You a dumb petty as hoe I swear" Killa laughs.
"Me. Killa really your a bitch made as nigga. Bring some random into our home, have you fucking lost your mind? Please let me know, so I can help you find it" I yell.
"Jennifer your blood pressure" my mother warns.
"I'm good" I say.
"I'm done with this bullshit" Killa say walking up the stairs.
"Done with what bullshit? I'm pregnant with your dam child you can't be down with nothing stupid. What happened to you'll always be here?" I yell at his back "Huh? what happen..."
"You fucking lied" he shout turning to me, "you lied, you knew all along that you were lying claiming you didn't know. You knew, you ain't no beta than the girls I fuck, you a fucking lying money hungry as bitch" he state.
"Don't disrespect me like that, I work I neva asked you for a dam thing. Anything you got for me it's because you wanted to. I didn't need any of this shit all I need was you" I snap pointing him in the face "I'm not one of those basic popcorn bitches, I always been down for you" I tell.
"Fuck you" he snap.
"Fuck me, no fuck you Damien you always try to make me feel guilty for something. You never accept responsibility for what you done, you claim to be a man. Than own up to your shit" I snap getting in his face.
"That's enough" my mother says.
"Own the fuck up Damien. You can't, can you because it's easier to put all the blame on me isn't it. I know what I did I leave with the guilt every fucking day." I cry pushing him in his chest "you pushed and you pushed. You did this, I hate that I love you to much to hate you" I cry punching him in his chest.
"Keep your fucking hands off me girl" he snap grabbing my hands.
"Let me go" I snatch away, which cause me to stumble backwards on the stairs.
I hear the girls scream as I'm about to fall but killa catch me just in time and I fall on him. He just hold me as I sit in his lap and cry.
"We can't live like this" he say into my hair.
"Don't leave, I can't live without you" I cry.
"We can't keep hurting each otha, it hurts me just as well as it hurt you. But we have to do what's best" he say, I simply cry. I get up letting him up, knowing he is right but it don't hurt less. He stand and walk to his room.
Moments later he come back with two suitcases "if you love me you won't do this" I cry.
He place a gently kiss on my forehead "it's because I love you I'm doing this" with that he walks down the stairs and out the door.
My mama and the girls rush to my side "I can't be without him" I cry as the hold me.
"Let's get you in the bed" my mama instruct as they lead the way to my bedroom.
After making sure I'm good they exit leaving me alone. As I cry I finger my engagement ring, love is so complicated. I had everything with Killa our relationship wasn't perfect but we loved each other.
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"When is love enough Doc?" I asks Dr. Wright.
"When it's all you have, love is something that never leaves, it never dies. If you love someone hold on to them and fight for them" she explain.
"I'm all out of fight, I tired but I know that the little energy I have left I'm use it to fix what's broken" I tell her while rubbing my belly.
