Help (Narry Storan)

Chapter 21

Heyyy lovelies, I got a new cover!

I lost a lot of readers...why won't you love meee

I know that my chapters have a lot of them thinking to themselves, and I realize that some of you might find that boring, but that's how I write. I like to try and show what's going on in their thoughts. Please don't leave me tho I'll give you bacon if you stay.

Enjoy xx

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Niall's Pov

The next week passed fairly normally, Harry and I were on better terms, but he still kept a close eye on me, making sure that I didn't do something stupid. I can tell that Zayn is becoming more attentive as well. He's always been one to notice what others don't. I'm sure the other boys have their suspicions too, because it's really quite obvious at this point. It's clear that I'm depressed, but they probably don't think that I would ever go as far as to hurt myself purposely. Well, they're completely wrong in that aspect. I wish they weren't, but they are.

My arm slowly started to heal, but was sore a lot, so I didn't do much. I could already feel the itching come back, but it didn't come as fast as it did last time, considering that my arm was badly hurt and the pain from that distracted me. 

We got a phone call the other day on the only phone in the house, an old one on a side table, that can only be used to recieve calls. In this case, management. They had called to say that they could only afford to give us another week of vacation before we had to go back. This was both a relief and another thing to stress about. A relief because, sure it's nice to rebuild my bond with the boys and all, but I feel trapped. Mending friendships takes time, space, and patience. We've got plenty of time, but I'm running low on space and patience. And Liam gets upset if I leave the house for longer than an hour. So when we get out of here, I'll be able to function better, I hope. 

It's also a huge stress factor because I promised Harry that I would tell him everything by the end of the vacation. I've been holding it off, and now time is limited. I can see how badly Harry wants to know, but he never mentions it, because he knows that if he pushes me for an answer, he won't ever get it. Which isn't fair, I know, but I'm trying to stall as much as I can. Now stalling isn't really an option, so I have to think of a way to tell him, in the least horrifying way possible. Which'll be difficult. Very difficult. 

Another thing that'll be difficult is trying to gain back Harry's trust. Telling him my entire back story from the past six or seven months will probably open his eyes to it all, but I want him to trust me enough to be able to fall in love with me. Which is a hard thing to do, I know. I'm broken, and it'll take a long time before I can be fixed, if ever, and I'm not sure if Harry is up for the challenge. I mean, he is the strongest person I know, and the most determined, but I hurt him. Badly. He deserves a man who is stable, who can care for him and love him without obstacles in the way. He doesn't need someone that has to constantly be looked after, and not to mention, if we were to ever come out to the world, my nightmare would come true. That same man who, um, raped me, would come after Harry and do much worse to him. And that can't happen. Maybe I should give up on this happy ending that I have set up in my mind. 

But I can't. No matter how hard I try, I can't get Harry out of my mind. I can't imagine watching him get older, me having to forever stay his friend. Maybe best friend, if I'm lucky. But just thinking about him marrying and having kids with another person gives me chest pains. At first, I thought that I was just confused, and a hormonal teenager who doesn't know who he's interested in. But as time went on, my feelings for the curly-haired boy didn't fade, only got stronger. My 'rapist' said that I was gay, but that's not completely true. I had thought so at the time, but now I think I'm only gay for Harry, as cheesy as that sounds. Sure, I appreciate good-looking males every once in a while, but really, who doesn't? I also can be interested in females, so I've decided that I'm bi. But even though I made that decision, it doesn't change anything. I'm madly in love with Harry. 

I'll tell him everything. I will. I won't leave out a single detail. He deserves to know. I just really hope that he can handle it, and won't freak out. Or hate me. If he were to ever completely hate me, I don't know what I would do. Nothing good, obviously.

"Niall?" I hear Harry and look up, seeing him standing in the doorway with a worried expression. 

"Yes?"

"Nothing. You were just staring at your bedsheets, and looked to be pretty deep in thought. It didn't look pleasant, so I thought I'd rescue you from that." Little does he know that my thoughts were on him. 

"Thanks, Harry." I say with a small chuckle, trying to act as normal as possible, despite the fact that I'm trying to mentally decide when would be a good time to spill everything.

I thought that he would leave, but he didn't, just pushed himself off of the doorframe and walked over to me, sitting on the end of my bed. The distance between us is a lot larger than I would like it to be, but I have to remember that he only thinks of us as friends. 

"Niall? You're spacing off again." Oh. I didn't even realize. I don't think that I was even thinking about anything, just glaring angrily at the space between us, wishing it was nonexistent.

"Sorry.." Our conversation is still careful and formal. I already know what he's going to ask though, just by looking at his eyes.

"Do you want to talk about what you were thinking about, or is that pushing it?" I can sense the slight sarcasm lacing his voice, but I brush it off. 

Now would be the perfect time to tell him. I've got his full attention, and I'm pretty sure the other boys are outside or something. I could tell him right now. All I've got to do is-

"Actually, Harry, it's not. Meet me tonight at the beach. I'll tell you everything." 

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