[CLOSED FOR SUBMISSIONS] Stronger than You 2017

Part 22: Finally Free

Written By: Anonymous

I don't know how to put my story into words, to be honest. The memories are so painful, the emotional scars so deep, that writing them would mean reliving the hurt, the pain, all over again.. But this project encouraged me to write, to give a voice. So here goes nothing...

My story goes back 20 years when I got married and came to live with my mother in law and husband in Ahmadabad. I was 22, came from a Mumbai, naive and full of dreams. Being from a different city meant that I had a broad, international, outlook on life in general and my in laws were very conservative. The first six months were spent in settling down and learning the ways of society and how to be a good daughter in law. Little did I know that these six months would be the last peaceful six months of my life..

The trouble started when my sister in law, who was married at the same time as I was, got divorced and came to live with us. Her ex-husband was related to my family in a way, so she thought that I was the cause of her divorce. She slowly starting harassing me in small ways, starting with taunts and minor insults. But I thought that since she's upset with her divorce, it's okay. She started poisoning my mother in law's mind, finding fault with everything I used to do. The harassment grew stronger day by day. Repeated complaints to my elder sister in law, fell on deaf ears.

The best part- they would do all this in day time, when my husband was on business, and would stop the moment he came home. They'd just become sugar sweet, appeasing my husband, who would suspect nothing. Whenever I used to complain it was always "How can what you are telling me be true, Nabeela? Look at them, they are so nice".

Defeated, I gave up for sometime.

With my parents in a different city, whenever I used tell my parents the bare details, they would ask me to compromise. Little did I know that my mother in law had threatened them with my divorce, if they interfered in my life.. And divorce is looked down upon in our Indian society.

And then, I got pregnant. In a woman's life- the most wonderful phase, the worst phase in mine. Visits to the gynaec were rare, with excuses ranging from "no time" to "no money" [My husband is well off]. When I learnt that it's a girl, I was thrilled. I always wanted a girl.. My daughter.. They pressurized me to abort my daughter so much saying that they want a son instead. Since sons were rare in their family. I was adamant with a firm "No". With pregnancy sapping most of my energy, they found new excuses to harass me every day.

I had no option, but to leave for my parents' house for delivery much earlier than usual [In Indian society, a girl's first delivery is done at her parents place]

A beautiful girl was born, and I was back to my in laws in a couple of months. The harassment went on a slower pace, but never stopped. The threats of divorce were now openly said. And now that I was a mom, I had to think for my baby's future too. I didn't want her to grow up without her father, whom I loved dearly. My husband tried his best to diffuse the situation, only to resume, when he left for work. I was left to fend for myself and my daughter. At times, my baby was accidentally pushed or dropped off her bed by her grandma and aunt. With a mistake covering everything up.

And then, they tried a new tactic. They wanted a boy this time. And I wasn't ready, with my baby only one year old.

My sister in law used to assault me on the slightest pretext just to force me to comply with her whims and fancies. Complains to my mother in law and elder in law would be brushed off with "Since you caused her divorce, you have to bear with her tantrums and insults." I was so helpless.

They forbade me any contact with my parents' after my daughter's birth. My maternal grandma and my mother's sister- my aunt were living just down the road, but I was forbidden any contact with them. Never felt so lonely before...

I got pregnant for a second time. My in-laws tried their best to determine the sex of my child, failing miserably, with me not going for check ups. Then they tried to cause a miscarriage- I was repeatedly punched in my stomach, pushed down the last steps, to show the world that "It was an accident. Nabeela is clumsy and doesn't know how to take care of herself". I was starved or given very little food, with them gorging on the food, while I looked on hungrily..

I prayed so hard for a savior. I feared for my life. This time, against my husband's wishes, I left for my parents house for the birth of my son.

My inlaws were overjoyed on their heir, but on my elder sister in law's instigation, contrived to give him for adoption to her, as she had only three daughters and didn't have a male heir.

They blackmailed my husband, but he put his foot down, finally standing up to them, confronting them and exposing their farce.

The assault continued to a point that I stopped crying.. I had no more tears to shed.. I was defeated in body and soul.. I had nothing left in me.. I become like a stone, accepting my fate.. Going silently about my duties, and not complaining.. I stopped believing in God, praying.. I hated everything positive, 'coz there was nothing positive in my life except my two kids..

I was severely depressed.. Tried committing suicide four times, every time my daughter crying and pleading me not to cut and hurt myself.

I didn't want to live.. Death was so welcome with open arms..

The final straw came when my cousin expired in an accident and I wasn't allowed to attend his funeral with the words "We would send you if he was your brother. Since he's a cousin, there's no need to go." It was after the elders intervened, that I was allowed to go, only to miss her funeral and his last rites.. I was devastated..

My cousin's death was a great lesson for me.. It showed me that life is temporary, death is eternal..

He was a beloved cousin.. My younger brother's best friend- his bestie and our life.. The best part of our memories.. I changed for the first time in 10 years.. Learned to fight back..

I still regret that day.. Wish I had fought back, so at least I could see his face, his only memory was snatched away from me..

I never forgave my laws for this breach.. They didn't even care for the dead! They had broken all limits and were now beyond the changing for the better stuff.

I learned to fight them with the tactics that they had used on me, only for them to brand me wicked, crazy to the society. I didn't care a damn..

I fought them tooth and nail, every single step of the way. I had great support from my husband. They did the only best thing they could think of- They started to use an oath on the *Quran* to verify their false claims, only for me counteract with an oath of my own on the *Quran* [For the uninitiated, a false oath on the Quran,is tantamount to getting punished by God for false claim on his holy book, and a true claim is rewarded with virtues]

My sister in law got married, finally. Ending her reign at my house, but not without me promising her that " You are welcome here till your mother lives. Otherwise, this home is closed forever for you."

My mother in law died of stomach cancer two years ago, My sisters in law took away all my jewellery as revenge for throwing them out of my house.. I didn't care for material things. I was free for the first time in years.. Like a bird finally breaking it's cage..

I was free.. In the real sense of the word.