Not in a million years -Jihope [COMPLETED]

Chapter 10

Jimin

I looked at Namjoon and saw his stare, it was menacing, but it made me feel scared, and caused it to leave a mark on me, it's as if he was threatening me with his eyes? What did I do wrong?

"Sorry Jimin, but he actually wants to talk to me."

What? No he doesn't. You just walked up to him and started talking to him and now you wont let me talk to him? Am I missing something here?

Hoseok loves you.

Why can't I talk to Hoseok.

He's scared of your reaction.

What is this feeling again? The feeling of being left out, the last resort. I haven't felt this bad in a long time. The last time Ifelt like I was just there without a reason was when I was with my family. They hated me. My dad, he was an alcoholic, every night he'd come home staggering through the front door holding a beer bottle. He'd make his way, wobbling, strutting, up to my room, he'd open the door and he would tell me how much of a waste of space I was, how much of a useless child I was. He didn't care, he'd hide things from me, secrets, important secrets, if family passed, if people moved away from home. He didn't care and neither did he care for my mum. She did nothing to hurt him. Absolutely nothing, but he hated her and wanted her gone. For a while I wondered how she let her own blood and genes be hurt by some imposter of a dad. He didn't even tell me that my own mum fled and left him until 3 years after it happened, he always lied and said she was on a business trip, and i'd always wait for her, that slight hope lingering, the thought of her maybe entering my life again, only to realise that she was never coming back, not while he was around. He was not a dad, not my dad, he was a nightmare. And I wanted to rid of him. But this slight little emotion of feeling something being hidden from me, from my friends, the new people I see as my family, it makes me insecure all over again.

Abandonment.

I looked right at Namjoon, staring him in the eyes. Im weak, and I know I am, but I wanted to cry. But I didn't, I can't, not now. Hoseok's the important one right now, not me. I pushed the thought to the back of my head.

"No no no, i'm who he wants to talk to."

I held still onto Hoseok's hand, and I started to walk again, but I felt a hurtful tug be released from Namjoon, and I could see that he hurt Hoseok. Why would he do that, what's the point. I saw Hoseok move his hand out of mine, to comfort his other one.

"See, he wants to talk to me."

I wanted to let my lungs scream out with anger, but I didn't.

Do it.

"You're only making it worse!"

"You're only making it worse!"

I then realised what I had done, I yelled at him, I yelled my thoughts out loud, I didn't mean to say it but for some reason, my mind only produces words it likes to shout with rather than words that i'd like to apologise with.

Unexplainable.

I saw the two males stare at me, both of their gazes digging into my soul, I just wanted to talk to Hoseok, why is this a problem.

"Woah Jimin, calm down." Namjoon replied.

I felt anger boil up in my bloodstream, why is he being like this. We are friends. We were friends.

"No! I wont calm down! I just wanted to talk to Hoseok, and you.. You're.. You're just trying to stop me! I just wanted to know if Hoseok was okay! I know your his best friend, but.."

Their glares were still pin-pointed on me, I felt pressured, I felt scared, I didn't know what I was doing.

"But what?"

It was not only anger growing inside of me, it was fear aswell, fear of spoiling my friendships. I know it's just an argument but I have never had an argument or yelled at any of my friends before.

"But.. I'm just.. Trying.. To be a good friend... But.. I guess I'm just in the way.... Right?"

"What? No!?"

Hoseok spoke, after being so quiet. His words made me sad, I made him angry. I never wanted this.

I softly chuckled as a response.

"It's not the first time that i'd be in the way, I was always in the way with my parents. So how is it any different now."

"Namjoon, please, leave? I.. Need to talk to Jimin, please?"

I saw through the corner of my eye that Namjoon gave a small nod, then he left.

I looked down, ashamed with myself. I've never been angry with anyone before, or i've never shown it, so why now?

"Jimin... Please... Don't feel like that... It kills me to know how bad you feel, it really does.."

I looked up at Hoseok, meeting with his eyes, they looked sad, and hurt, i've never seen him sad before, so I was surprised.

"Does it... Because it also hurts me to see you sad.. I've never seen you sad before.."

Hoseok shook his head, and he gently grabbed my hands, holding them, he drew circles in my palms with his thumb. Somehow this gesture made me calm, and relaxed, not angry. The anger was gone, it was merely a hallucination that once bothered me but was now caught and taken away.

"..Jimin.. You don't need to worry about me, right now... In this very moment, you're the one who needs to be cared for.."

I shook my head reluctantly.

"You tell me not to worry about you, but I still do... Hoseok.. For some reason-"

{sorry I haven't uploaded in like two days, but I made this chapter longer, and i'll be posting another one after this so I hope you're excited~ I'm excited for this chapter.}