Pent up

Home

But that nagging feeling still remained, hanging over me like a dark cloud. 

Suddenly I was replaying our conversation from earlier in my head as Cristina chatted away with her husband.

Why did I start talking about wrestilng all of a sudden? Her dad did ask me about sports, but I went on a whole 'nother tangent running my mouth about Cris... maybe it was because even her mom's name reminds me of him...

To think he was so much thinner that first time I met him... It's quite funny to think how much buffer he's gotten since then, muscle wise.
Well, at least a certain part remained the same size...

I choke on a lettuce as I make myself laugh.

Crap! Weirdo alert?
I freeze

But everyone laughs alongside me. Apparently her dad was telling a story, I realise, as I come back to planet earth... thank god someone said something funny, I would've looked like a maniac laughing to myself.

Speaking of which, stop thinking of him and his dick and focus on the people with you!

"And then Alan and I were half naked, in the middle of nowhere, towels this small-" he gestured with his hands to prove his point "-barely covering us, and a racoon stuffed on one of our backpacks. We were screwed!" But I'd stopped listening half way

Just this morning I'd been hugging a very half naked man in just a towel.

How is he so damn inhibited? Even I was self conscious and it wasn't even me who was the naked one.
Then again, maybe I'm the one who's too shy.

Another round of laughter filled the house, and as I looked back up at the table and its occupants, startled, I noticed the warmth of my skin and the pink embarassed shade that most likely tainted my cheeks.

"It just fell of! And I was right in front of it!"

I fake laughed, trying to blend in, ignoring the most likely state of my face, and everyone followed with another round of laughter. 

We did have sex, more than once, yet I don't think I'd ever seen his bare chest. The little skin I got to see under his singlet was lean and smooth, now he was bulging and strong. His face had also grown more masculine, the young innocence of his bright eyes and clean cut facial hair was replaced by a strong jaw and a light stubble, and underneath a more tan complexion. It was amazing how one summer could change someone so much. 

Gosh, you're drooling...

I compose myself as I stir the rice around my plate.

Stop thinking of Cristopher and focus you dingus.

"That was one hell of a fishing trip" Her dad sighed and I chuckled

"Do you go out fishing very often?" I decide that's an easy subject. Talk about their hobbies, seem likable, look interested.

"Not anymore. I still have the scars" He chuckled as he put another spoonful of rice in his mouth, chewing on it, contemplating something. "We could do a family trip sometime"

I gulp 

Family trip?

"That's wonderful, dear! We haven't traveled in so long" the woman sighed

Am I considered family for these kinds of plans already? Swallow me, earth.

"I can teach you how to catch a fish or two" Her dad proudly stated, winking in my direction and I blanch.

I guess I am. 

Clara laughs "Daddy! Would you do that? I told you you'd like Joshua" She hits him playfully and I feel like I want to vomit

How did things end up like this? And why aren't skipping around in joy? What changed? My leg jumps nervously under the table. 

"He's an alright kid" Her dad reaches towards me and pats my arm "Quiet, shy" 

"He is just really nervous" Clara smiles at me sweetly and I force a pained smile back.

"That's alright, dear. We understand" Cristina giggles to herself, probably remembering how I'd barged into the kitchen and forced the plates out of her hands just to freeze in the foyer a moment later. How embarrassing...

"I- Yeah..." I try to make conversation but at this point I'm a little choked up. "Very"

The rest of the meal was just like that, her parents telling some silly stories, warm laughter, great food, and me freaking out on the inside while stuffing my face with pie. I'd wanted them to like me, but suddenly being the new son in law and being promised a fishing trip around the woods as a 'family outing' was a little more than I could handle. I stayed fairly quiet the whole time, offering small smiles when they looked at me for a reaction, and generally just looking down at my plate, playing with my fork by twirling it around, and when no one was looking, biting my nails. 

Dusk finally came, the sky turning a warm red, and we were saying our goodbyes at the door.

"Come back more often, Clara. We always miss you" Her mom squeezed her tight in a hug as she laughed warmly 

"You know I'm always so busy, mom"

"Have a safe trip" Her dad offered me his hand, and I took it tentatively, shaking it rather limply. He gave me an odd look, but nodded and unhanded me.

"Thank you, sir" 

"Call me Bill" 

So that's what he's called...

"Okay, Bill. Thank you both for having me over"

"Thank you for coming" Her mom bent forward and encased me in a quick hug. "Come back soon"

"Will do" I say, even if I don't mean it.

"Bye mom, dad" Clara waves at them and takes my hand with the other as we back away from the porch.

"Bye sweetheart, Bye Josh" They say in unison, which is a little odd, and we wave at them as we get on the car.

As we close our doors, we both sigh.

"That was rough" Clara says as she puts on her seat belt, and I do the same

"It wasn't that bad" I try to lighten the mood but she just blankly powers up the car and backs out of the parking lot.

She stays quiet the whole ride back to my campus, the radio on a pop station that blasts the same twenty songs every other hour. As she pulls up on my street, I bend forwards to kiss her. 

"I had a good time, really" I assure her, and she turns a sad smile my way

"Me too..." She kisses me once more, and I exit the car

"Drive safely" She waves at me and drives off.

Sigh... Finally over. My stomach churns as the knots dissipate, and I roll my neck to get rid of any remaining tension. 

Now for a good nights sleep...

I climb the stairs to my room, it's quite late already, the lights are off, as I can't see any light pouring from under the door. I open it as softly as I can, and toss my wallet and keys on the table under the mirror, before taking off my shoes. I walk tiredly to my bed, all my energy gone from so many hours of hanging out with miss and mister Johnson, when I see a lump curled up under my sheets.

Who?

"Uh, hey?" I reach for the figure when it moves.

"Hey, Josh, welcome back" Cris stretches and yawns, turning around on the bed to look back at me "Sorry I took your bed, we thought you'd stay with miss girlfriend" 

My breath gets caught in my throat...