words put together

i keep listening to the same song trying to write this for you

april.
you were hurt,
i could tell-
your eyes were all i felt.

may.
you shrugged it off.
i noticed it all.
admiring you from across a friend,
across a table,
in front of your arms,
but never in them.

i noticed it all.

june.
i admit it,
i did it,
i pushed you aside
because i never thought you'd ever get it.
you were too beautiful,
too blinding,
too not mine,
my heart began unwinding.
i couldn't hold it-
i was annoyed with my mind.
my body,
my heart,
the sense i couldn't find-
i really
wanted
just you.

july.
do you need anything?
i took a deep breath
and i closed my eyes,
reminding myself that i knew what's inside.
i straightened my back
and i cleaned up my act,
headed over to your house
to try and gain you-
your smile, in fact.

just your smile.
that's all i needed to send me home happy.

and i got it.

watching star wars,
you so close to me,
my heart beating fast
and my eyes growing watery.
i played it off,
i wanted to be cool.
i never told you what i said after school.

she's just so... great. i just don't think she'd like me, though. it doesn't seem likely, but i want to take care of her. and he didn't deserve her. i want to hurt him.

august.
i told my friends,
i told myself,
i started to pretend
that i could ignore what i felt.

i couldn't.

my heart only wanted you the more i saw you.

and i saw you so often that summer.

it grew worse.

i'm sure you already knew, though.

september.
you've been mine for some time.
and i'm going to take care of you.

i promise.

october.
i love you,
i promise,
it's okay to be nervous.
i'm nervous like april,
but i don't want to waste any time.
i have you here,
and i want to take advantage of that.

i want to accept every moment with you.

even if my hands shake like may.

november.
you're still the best thing to happen to me,
and it's still been a short time.

i love you,
i know this.
it's okay,
i promise.
we're alright,
i love you,
i adore you like august
and i'll never get tired of you.

just your presence.
just you.
nothing else matters.

just be here with me when you are.