words put together

giving myself up in multiple parts

i give myself away too easily.
i allow myself to bleed too quickly.
i jump at attention
and i leap at affection.
i trick myself into letting go
and i throw away all the things i know.
i ruin days for weeks
and weeks for moments,
and i confuse what i have for what i deserve
and what i deserve for what i should earn.

and it hurts.

it's beginning to reel me back in.

a part of me says be alone
and another says to let it go,
but the part that hurts
is the part i know
and the logical part
seems to just put on a show.
it only seems to show itself
when things are going it's best
and when i need it the most,
it turns into a ghost,
and it forces me to realize things on my own.

things that i've never known.

but now i know some new things.

i know a day for a week
and a week for a moment
and i know how to prove myself
and i know how to show it.

i know when to shut up
and i know when to scream.
i know when to prove myself
and i know when to use what's best.

the only thing i don't know yet is how to tell if someone really cares for me or what i can offer.