words put together

if you're my friend then why do i feel so alone when i talk to you

dear friend,

what am i to you when i cry?
when i'm at my worst and i can't form words, what am i to you?

what am i to you when i cry?
when my legs have failed to function
and my eyes are growing red,
when i can't express my thoughts
and when my words are dropped and dead?
when my hands are shaking rapidly-
my brain is taking shots at me-

what am i to you?

do you deem me as the dead?
my thoughts knocking at my head?

or do you see me as that boy;
do you see me as a lack of joy?

what am i to you when i cry?
when i cry,
do you cry?
do you look into my eyes
and see what my tears can no longer hide?
do you try to figure me out,
or do you leave me to become a drought?
do you let me weep about,
weeping,
sulking,
seeking doubt?

what am i to you when i cry?

perhaps you can't answer that right now,
as i'm not crying.
but next time i cry,
i want you to try-
to look me in my eyes
and find out what my tears were trying to hide.

when you cry,
you're still my friend.

-him