words put together

we were just fine yesterday

i'm sorry i couldn't speak
when you demanded me to answer.
you know it's hard for me to speak
when all you want is to go faster.
i need to pace myself-
go slow-
before my thoughts ball up and blow.
and before i could even speak,
my eyes began to water
and you stared with this look-
this look that told me the time
and your mouth the alarm,
and all i could do was hope i could speak
before you blamed me for all the harm.

you know my brain takes time to work.
i'm not smart like you-
i'm not easy to lose.
i needed a moment to justify
the reasons why
i made you cry
without sounding like it was a lie,
because it's true,
i left to stay.
i left to come back
so you wouldn't have to wait.
i wanted you to see how great you are
without a guide.
i know i tell you every day
and i know you need my eyes,
but i know you have your own
and i wanted you to see it,
but you yelling makes it worse
and all i wanted was to help
so you can see how i see you myself.

i'm sorry i couldn't speak,
but started to cry instead.
you got too deep inside my head
that my words got scared
and fell short of dead.
i tried to speak-
my hands were shaking.
i wanted to say that i love you
and that i'm aching.
aching inside
and all over
and all i wanted was a hug
and to cry on your shoulder.

i'm sorry i pulled away so much.
i can't help it-
i'm used to getting hurt.
and i know you wanted me to explain,
but you know that's not my brain.
you know i need slow,
and you demanded fast,
and all i asked was just a moment
to gather my thoughts and
i'm sorry i couldn't speak
when you demanded me to answer.
i was trying to force my brain
to work a little faster,
but i started to cry instead
and you replied with painful laughter
and all i did was stutter faster
and you left and shut the door after.