Mute Voices: Spoken Word

Outlet 17

              You were my world

My whole world came down on me like an earthquake. I couldn’t run for shelter because it happened without me ever knowing how, or why. I can’t tell you how deep this pain goes. It’s just lingering inside me. Not to many people understand the way I feel for you or even how great this story goes.

I’m sticking to my instinct. As much as it hurts me, I’m letting you leave. Now go far away from me. Don’t worry I’ll be fine eventually. You never even got a chance to know me: Not the me you met; but the real me.

   You were always too busy pushing outward and never pushed in not one time. I guess you could say that’s how you dealt with your pain. Moments captured I have nothing left to save. You said so many things that broke me; Into a million and one shattered pieces. I have no more and no less in me. You stood your ground, told me you didn’t love me.

  You told me that this time I invested was a waste of your life. That cut me deep worse, than a bladed knife. I stood there in total dismay. What could I possibly have to say? I fought so hard to hold back all my tears. I didn’t want you to know that words hurt more than walking away.

  A beautiful life growing inside me. You wanted this; it’s on its way. Only for you to tell me: I asked for this and it never was something you wanted. I’m not attracted to you is what you told me. God how can that be my final story. One day your son will be here. I’m going to love him, squeeze him so tight. Let him know just because you didn’t, Momma put up a fight. My fears of all the things I told you, came true you left me when I needed you.

   The most took over my life, and thought this whole pregnancy was a joke.  I can’t bring myself to sleep. The things you said to me are weighing so damn deep. I can’t let go of the thoughts, or even the moment I looked at you and you were cold and unbothered by my tears. Who are you that’s not the person I knew. That person was never untrue.

   I’ve been hurt a million times by men, but never by the one who was my best friend. It takes a willing heart to forgive. If I go any further into time I’ll be right back to where I started from, it’s not a women’s place to run after you, you're suppose to be my field and run after me!

   But I forgot this is my story! If god can hear me I’m asking him to open up my heart and take away all my pain. I don’t even want to scream out your name.

  Many days have gone by now, I’m building up my whys now, I can’t go on like this. Playing myself like I’m just any chick. This man he doesn’t know what Love is, or even how it feels to be hurt, kicked down or falling in the dirt. There’s no need for me to keep going on and on about him. I took my heart and went out on a limb.

  I’ll be ok maybe even turn out stronger than before. I loved him but he loved life even more. I’m going to pray for a better future. Keep my faith and I know god will nurture me into the women I am suppose to be. I guess this is it... the end of my story.