He Is, He Isn't

.29.

The green monster reared its ugly head in me for the first time in a shift I worked at the pool with Autumn and Ryan.

I was already jealous of their friendship. Their families had been close ever since they were little.

I didn't like to think about how close they were. I didn't like to picture Ryan slinging his arm around Autumn's neck and whispering to her about how they'd always be friends, as he'd done to me. I hoped he didn't do that to her.

But I loved them both separately in different ways. This shift just happened to make me hate them both for a day.

Ryan kept calling Autumn his girlfriend. A kid would come to the window to order and Ry would lean out the window and say okay that's $1.99! This is my girlfriend, by the way! And gesture at Autumn.

Autumn would laugh and blush and tell the child that she wasn't, and then she'd jokingly smack Ryan.

I sat on my cooler and observed this with envy and bitterness. I prayed that maybe this was an inside joke with their families. I know my little sister has an old family friend who is a boy her age, and we always joked with the two of them and said they were dating.

But my mind wouldn't stop judging.

Why would Ryan say that about Autumn? What about that other girl he'd been texting, Kate? What about me?

Ryan wouldn't meet my eyes that whole day.