This took way too long to do
A strange elating feeling stroked the underside of Squidward's skin as soon as he woke, making the affected skin more vulnerable to a ticklish feeling. The sensation brought him great joy and he smiled, for he knew what was causing this. He decided that if this feeling was to linger, he'd rather wait it out in solitude than lying next to his girlfriend in bed, who was not the source of the sensation, to Squidward's indulgent joy. The instrument through which his celebration would arouse great disapproval from the woman he’d been sleeping with for the past three months- she pushed to get him to drop the habit of smoking to no avail, though she was not aware of her shortcomings. Squidward took the pack of cigarettes and stepped outside.
He took a seat on the sand, making sure to face the pineapple in which his object of affection lived, and proceeded to light it. As the smoke disappeared into the water, Squidward began to notice that his lover's house was obscured by a thick fog. This did not impede his smoking because of a faint yellow bleeding through the gray clouds. The source of this light came from Spongebob's bedroom. As soon as the light appeared, so did the trademark obnoxiousness that was his fog horn alarm clock. A few years ago, he would have cringed at the sound of that clock, and simply regarded it as the terrible set that would trigger a chain of equally miserable events that amounted to yet another horrible day that made Squidward hate his life. Now, however, he learned to anticipate the noise and appreciate its annoyance. The unceremonious event could be considered the one joy that would trigger a series of sublime events that made Squidward chalk his life up to good. His life had improved since he learned to embrace Spongebob's characteristic antics.
As he reflected, the fog began to lift and the smoke produced by his cigarette was noticeably less pronounced. His time of contemplation was over and now the seemingly infinite workday would begin. But first, Squidward buried his cigarette in the sand, the resting place of all his early morning smokes. He took a glance at his watch- five minutes before his girlfriend's alarm was due to go off.
The potted plant right by the door was Squidward's choice hiding place when wanting to conceal his cigarettes. He tucked his box away, leaving it for tomorrow's reflection. To fool his girlfriend into thinking that he hadn't been smoking, he made no haste to shower and hopefully mask the clearly evident smoky odor that rested in the fiber of his clothes. She'd leave while he was showering and not question it. His crime would go unnoticed and the miles between Squidward and his girlfriend would become only slightly longer. This consequence meant nothing to Squidward, and he was sure it was reciprocated.
When he finished showering, he dressed in his trademark brown shirt and saw their shared empty bed. The thought made him less than sad, and SpongeBob inevitably returned to mind. The strange elating feeling returned under his skin. He smiled and walked out the door- careful to examine and make sure that his pack of cigarettes was still in its hiding place. The pack was undisturbed.
Once outside, he made the pilgrimage to work, which was not a long distance. Sometimes he'd hoped to walk with Spongebob, but he did realized that when he was showering, Spongebob already left for work. He was a punctual one. For such an insignificant detail of Spongebob’s personality, Squidward realized that he'd spent a great deal of time admiring it. This would seem like desperation to an outsider, but to him, this was his default state. He often found himself in a state of lofty adoration while at work, all of it directed toward the overenthusiastic fry cook in the back.
The formerly unwelcoming Krusty Krab soon became a place of refuge, where he found the peace he sought after for so long- though he'd been too blind to see it prior to falling in love. He took a seat behind the boat artfully decorated as a cash register.
“Good morning, Squidward!”
Squidward perked up immediately as the complimentary phrase was spoken to him. He knew right away it was Spongebob deeming him a good morning.
“Good morning, Spongebob. Lovely day, isn't it?”
“It sure is! Are you ready to serve up some smiles?!”
Squidward nodded and nearly became enveloped with the utter fascination he felt toward this sponge. However, the presence of the Krusty Krab’s first customer alerted him to do the task at hand and not focus on the yellow fry cook behind him; though that was a difficult thing to do when he's whistling as loudly as possible.
“Welcome to the Krusty Krab, what do you want?”
The customer smiled and let out a small chuckle.
“I hope I'm not disturbing the two of you,” she remarks. “You two seemed pretty involved in that conversation back there. Especially the yellow guy.”
Squidward felt his heart stop for a few brief moments as he froze in silence. Of course, the silence itself was a clear indication of his feelings. The customer continued to smirk at him. Spongebob couldn't have possibly returned Squidward's feelings? Sure, he'd imagined their life together in great detail- Squidward and Spongebob confess their undying love for one another in some theatric way, they have a wild and exciting courtship that makes all the other Bikini Bottom couples jealous before finally marrying, settling down where they both live subliminally, the only way to live. The romantic thought belonged to him, to his embarrassment. How he yearned for his pack of cigarettes at the moment.
“I'll come back later,” the customer remarked. She left the restaurant, prompting Mr. Krabs emerging from his office almost immediately, as if on cue.
“Mr. Squidward! Did you just let that customer with perfectly good money leave?”
He snapped out of his trance at the harsh words. “It appears I did.”
"I'd fire you if I could afford it," he growled. "Anyway, back to work!"
Mr. Krabs went just as quickly as he arrived. Squidward sighed and sunk into the lifeboat where he was positioned, staring at the empty restaurant on one of its many slow days. Just then, Spongebob emerged from his kitchen and leaned against the side of Squidward's station.
"Hey, there, Squidward."
He tensed up and forced out a reply. "Hi, Spongebob."
"I saw you smoking this morning and I just wanted to tell you to stop. It's bad for your health and you won't live for very long like that. You're my friend, Squidward. I can't lose you."
This caused him to tense up even more. Touched by Spongebob's words, he smiled and let out a simple "can do". However, Spongebob's expression seemed very grave as he leaned against the lifeboat in silence.
"Hey, is something wrong?"
"Well, yeah. Yeah, there is something wrong, and you know what it is?"
"What?"
"I don't know what engagement ring to buy for Sandy!"
With those words, Spongebob had taken a needle to Squidward's balloon like heart and allowed it to pop. All his fantasies, all his aspirations about confessing those feelings to Spongebob in hopes of a new life, was stolen from him by Sandy Cheeks, the overachiever of Bikini Bottom. Deflated, Squidward was sure to stop smoking now. He didn't have a good reason to anymore.
"Get her something flashy," Squidward said, reverting back to his normal, cynical state and lying down in the small bed he'd made for himself in the bottom of the lifeboat.
