I know I haven't posted anything in a while, so here's a rant that takes up three pages in a document about Severus Snape:
I like Snape please help
His name is catchy, his voice is amazing and his hair??? Conflicts me?? It looks good sometimes but sometimes it’s just like can this man wash his hair for once
And like the black robes are on point
He’s got worry lines and the biggest nose I’ve ever seen on a human being but like yES
And he’s so done with life all the time
He says things like insufferable know-it-all and three drops of this, and you-know-who would spill his darkest secrets and you have your mother’s eyes as he dies against a window
And he’s all cold and emotionally distant and you’re like “gee I wonder what somebody like that looks like when he’s in love” and PLOT TWIST: he is in love but it’s just underneath all the brick walls he’s put up to literally everyone else walking on Earth that isn’t Lily Evans
It’s a Harold Finch all over again except Finch could smile and show emotion if he tried hard enough
Nah fam that’s not the Snape way
I understand Snape’s plight but I can’t sympathize with it
You sTEPPED over your old childhood bully’s dead body to go cry over your crush’s dead body, completely ignoring her child that’s still alive and a completely helpless infant sitting in a crib
And by the way, your boss did this to Lily and then you take your anger out on that infant that you paid zero attention to as you cried over her dead body when he inevitably gets accepted into Hogwarts and winds up in your potions class
But then you’re conflicted because he’s Lily’s kid but he’s also James’s kid
So you love and hate him and you basically spend the entire series acting shady as hell and doing semi-evil things while Harry suspects that you’re a bad guy because you act shady as hell and also do everything the exact wrong way
But as you die against a window pane and you’re like “you have your mother’s eyes”, Harry likes you and ends up naming a kid after you
No one wants your name, sEvErUs
Who named you Severus?? Why did someone look at a baby and say “your name is Severus”
He’s got all kinds of reasons to be insecure and that’s why he’s all emotionally cold and on top of that, you’ve got his incessant grudge against a dead man and against a child who can’t help where he came from
I want to fight Snape
I love him but I want to fight him
Snape and I are gonna throw hands because he’s done some things that are not cool
He can catch me outside about the Goblet of Fire but you know despite that, I still love him
Have you seen the way he walks?? It’s graceful as hell, which is incidentally where he came from?? Idk fam I’d be terrified of him at Hogwarts because he does things like hit Ron in the back of the head with a goddamn book every time he makes a noise in your class
Let’s be real: Ron probably deserved it
And that somehow makes him better, crushes are the gifts that just keep on giving
He’s flawed but he’s also flawed u feel
I forgot that “always” was important and ya boi Snape said it
