The journey to here

10

A/N- I am so sorry this is so late! I left the last chapter on a cliff hanger and it took me forever to write this! I've been so busy lately, I barely have time to breathe. I'm hoping to have another chapter up for Sunday, maybe even a double if enough of you want it. Thanks so much for reading, please vote, comment and follow!! -Daisy

For a week, Meredith chased me around the hospital, asking to talk, begging me to give her just a few minutes. I ignored her, every damn time I ignored her, and I did my absolute best to avoid her. Anger embedded itself in me, and the last thing I wanted was to talk to Meredith.

At first, it hurt me to have to ignore her so harshly. This was someone I'd shared my most intimate self with, someone who knew me inside and out. Quite literally. But I'd kept on thinking of her with Derek, of her kissing him, I played the scene over and over in my head and felt my blood pressure rise higher and higher. I thought about it at work, during lunch, at night. I couldn't sleep, bed almost felt like a death sentence, sitting there for hours, picturing Derek's mouth on hers.

The hurt for her suddenly turned into hurt because of her.

"Addison, for fucks sakes!" Meredith cornered me in an on call room, as I was about to catch a nap before my morning shift began. It was about four am, I'd gotten to work hours before rounds and I was exhausted. Sleep was not coming easily to me, and it wasn't hard to guess why. She must've followed me, and figured that this was the perfect opportunity.

Well, she wasn't wrong. It was.

The door clicked behind her as she demanded my undivided attention. "Addison, you've got to talk to me" she begged "let me explain, tell you what happened" her voice was weak, almost breaking, and her eyes pleaded with me. They were tired, similar to my own, and hurting. I could recognize hurt in someone's eyes, and her baby blues looked damn near broken.

"You kissed him!" I exclaim "you let him kiss you! And I shouldn't be mad, I know, you and I were never official or exclusive or whatever the hell we were. But the idea of you hooking up with Derek at the same time, maybe to compare notes or to mock me secretly" I was shaking with anger and hatred. How could she betray me like this? With Derek of all people?

"Addison, you know it isn't like that" she lowered her voice dangerously. She was getting angry herself.

"Was this all just a joke to you?" I ask her, unsure and hurt. Before I could even blink, she was kissing me, hard. Nothing about her kissing me was a joke; it was hard and sure, and so very real. If this was a joke, then Meredith Grey was one hell of a comedian.

I groaned, despite myself. It felt too good to feel her against me after a week of being alone. Her warm mouth was welcome, even though her presence was not.

"I wasn't hooking up with anyone but you" she murmurs against my mouth, hot and breathy "Derek caught me in an on call room and kissed me. He thought I wanted him back, but I don't" her lips trailed down, down, down, and she was pushing me onto the bed. "I can't sleep with Derek again, knowing that I could be sleeping with you" she kissed my lips again, and I knotted my fingers in her hair roughly.

"And how can I trust that that's the truth?" I gasp out, as she grinds down onto me.

"Because" she takes my hand and slips it down her scrub pants, letting me feel how wet she was already "he can't do this to me, baby girl. Only you can make me this wet just by kissing"

I felt proud at this; proud at the fact that I'd ruined anybody else for her.

"Have your way with me, Mistress" I whisper, smooth as silk into her ear "it's been far too long"

"It has been longer than I ever want to go again, darling"

~

I wasn't really sure how to react after; three rounds of sex later, I wasn't mad. She explained herself, and I knew she was being honest. There was something about the look in her eye that I couldn't call lying.

We were lying in the bed in the on call room still, on our sides facing each other, legs and sheets tangled together in a clump. Our knees touched, and her hand caressed the hair that had stuck to my face with sweat.

"You're so beautiful" she mumbled absently "I could sit here and just look at you for hours"

Something stirred in my stomach; I wasn't sure what, and I didn't know what to think of it. I was content, lying there with Meredith, I was at peace with myself and the world. For a moment, it was just us, and that was okay.

I was still uneasy, as content as I was, I was scared. Just the day before, Meredith had hurt me beyond repair, or so I'd thought. Yet, here we were, seemingly closer than before. The idea that she could have such an effect on me was terrifying; she had more control over me than I'd ever thought of giving her. Unwillingly, she made me dependant on her and that was something I did not want to be.

Getting close to her was like the calm before the storm; I knew this wouldn't last forever and we'd be at each others throats again within the hour.

Hesitantly, I untangled myself and sat up, retrieving my underwear and scrubs from the floor where they'd been carelessly thrown. I needed some space, because space meant I wouldn't feel everything that I was feeling. I needed to get away from her to keep myself from falling for her.

"Where are you going?" She asked me, a slight frown on her face. She sat up, pulling the sheet around her bare body and
leaning against the wall. I was never much of an artist, but looking at her like that was something I'd die to paint.

"We've got work, Grey" I tell her, pulling my scrubs on over my head "patients to treat, lives to save. We've been in here for at least two hours" my mind was buzzing with things to think and to say.

"Do you think you'll have some time again tonight?" She asks me, moving to get her clothes as well.

"I don't know-" she cuts me off before I can even answer.

"I wasn't asking" her voice was hard and firm, but not cold or cruel.

I understood the tone, and I understood what she meant. Despite myself, I flushed and nodded obediently. "Of course. My hotel at eight"

She smiled, and began to pull her clothes on quickly, before throwing her hair into a messy ponytail.

"I'll see you tonight, then"

I looked at her smile as she left, and I knew I was hooked. She was a drug, everything about her was deliciously toxic in the most addicting ways. I wanted more, more, more. One was never enough with her, and I knew I'd keep coming back for more.

Despite all the reasons I knew she was a bad idea, I couldn't help but keep going back.