Confidence || Jikook

xiii

Hoseok hates himself.

He hates the situation that he's in. He hates that he hates someone else's happiness. He hates... his heart for betraying him. He can't stop the muscular organ from beating uncontrollably whenever he sees the red head smile. Or the heart break when he follows his line of vision to the blond. He can't stop crying himself to sleep when the younger chooses to spend all his time with Jimin instead of him. He can't stop hurting. He doesn't know if he's always felt this way about Taehyung, but they've never been separated long enough for him to find out.

Hoseok and Taehyung have been inseparable goofballs ever since their kindergarten days, their friendship lasting well into the last year of high school. But Jungkook had to ruin everything. The dancer knows that Jimin is only dating Taehyung out of spite. Only to push the young brunette to realize his true feelings. He supposes it worked, considering Jungkook no longer had that glow to his face.

He was talking with Jimin when he found out, the bunny smile dropped immediately, a small nod given before he congradulated them. He hasn't spoken of it since, only tiny glances to the giggling couple before resuming his meal.

Was Hoseok that obvious about his feelings? Did Jimin notice Jungkook's? Did he care anymore?

Part of him wanted to tell Taehyung. To let it spill about all the cherished memories they share that keep him sane. He wished he could hold him again, to breathe in the strawberry scent that matched his hair. He missed his friend so much he felt like he was going to explode. He had to tell him. He has to be as brave as his friend, like Tae told Jimin, he's going to confess. 

¤¤¤

"Kim Taehyung, I like you."

Hoseok shakes his head, pacing more.

"That doesn't sound right, too formal." He kept shaking, his hands no longer his own when he tried to hide them. They acted like they were going to fall off from fear. He texted his friend earlier to meet him, a garden that was conveniently located halfway in between their houses was the safest place to be. They hung out there often, mostly to play in the mud during spring or ride their bikes before they played 'Ninjas' when no one was looking. He chucked, thinking back to the mud pies they dared each other to eat before chickening out and having a mud war instead.

It was a peaceful garden, lasting throughout the winter, the frost breaking apart before melting into a sludge on the ground. The seasons came and went, their Christmas tradition broken when Taehyung invited Jimin over for dinner. It seemed as though there was a full table that Hoseok couldn't attend. In all reality, he wouldn't want to see the lovebirds feeding each other. He wished he was important to his friend but that doesn't seem to be the case. It was hard enough to find a time to get Taehyung over here, the younger too busy nowadays to see him. "Taehyung, I've fallen for you... I- no... that's too much. He'll run away immediately."

He tried to formulate the best confession in his mind, one that could possibly sweep Tae off his feet. But he felt nauseous. He felt he was going to see his breakfast again before he sees Taehyung. "Hyung!" Or he could arrive before. "What's so important it just 'couldn't wait'?" The red head giggled at the dramatic text, stumbling over some fallen branches before he stood in front of his friend.

But the elder couldn't process anything, surprise surprise. A light frosty crown adorned his fluffy red hair. His cheeks dusted with a slight blush from the cold. Taehyung looked spectacular. It only made this that much more difficult.

"What? Cat got your tongue?"

Hoseok coughs, looking away. "S-something like that..." How would he even start? "Kim Taehyung."

"Jung Hoseok." He giggled again, not a care in the world. Of course he never had problems speaking with his friend in private, it was only public speaking that scared Taehyung shitless. Hoseok wouldn't admit it but he loved being the onl- one of the- only people Taehyung deemed worthy to speak in front of.

"I-I have something very important to tell you but you have to promise you won't... laugh." He was so scared right now.

"Laugh? Okay, you know I'm going to laugh if you say I shouldn't-"

"I love you." Simple. Short and to the point. Taehyung's lazy smile dropped, his foot stepping back.

"What?" Amazing how having your heart ripped out of your chest could be just as quick. "You can't." Hoseok that if he was told straight up 'No', he would feel better than being lead on.

"I do. Taehyung I love you." Hoseok steps forward, Taehyung another step back. No, leading him on would have been less cruel. Especially when the red head's mortified expression accompanied his rejection.

"You don't know what you're saying. I'm with Jimin now, I've been dating him for months. What makes you say that now?"

He didn't want to answer his question, instead he stepped closer again. "He doesn't like y-"

"Shut up." Taehyung was on the verge of tears. Why was this happening to him? "Y-you don't know anything."

"I know that I love you." Now that the dancer said it, he never wanted to stop.

"Stop saying that!" Who was Hoseok to think that this was some happily ever after, that Taehyung would accept him, love him. "I don't think of you like that. Please, let's forget this happened. We can continue being fr-"

"Taehyung. We both know that can't happen. I'm... sorry to burden you with my feelings but I can't keep them hidden any longer."

"I-" Taehyung felt hurt. He didn't want to reject the person he's known the longest but he can't... he won't accept him. "Jimin-"

"He doesn't love you like I do. He's only doing this to get a reaction out of Jung-"

"Shut the fuck up Hoseok! I've listened to you for long enough! I-... I have to go. It's getting colder." With that, he leaves their secret garden to hide his tears. Taehyung couldn't afford to show how distraught he really felt. Especially when he saw how broken he left the dancer.

Hoseok's hands were still shaking. He looked down to see his vision worsened, blocked by misty clouds he couldn't escape. He slumped to the snow, pulling his knees into his chest. He remembers the last time he cried here, Taehyung was there to comfort him. He could even feel the ghost of his hand rubbing circles on his back. It made the dancer cry harder. He was sobbing to the point where he was gasping for thin puffs of air.

He felt ugly. He knew he wouldn't get accepted, knew that he was still second place in Taehyung's eyes. He wanted to fade away. If only Taehyung could realize how much Hoseok loves him, how much he cares for him. But he hates that Jimin stepped in the way. He hates that he let it happen. Worst of all, Hoseok hates himself.

BTS AT THE AMAS????? AND CONQUERED EVERYONE THERE????

Please vote y'all 💕💕💕