Confidence || Jikook

xiv

He should have said something. When he found out from Jimin personally, he shouldn't have kept quiet. He has a restless feeling of nausea that won't leave ever since he found out.

He misses Jimin so much he can't breathe. At first he thought it was a joke, seeing how amused they were with each other. The way they pranced around annoyed him, usually he would turn away from their childish giggles. Jungkook found it hard to talk with Jimin anymore, not that they had time to anyways. Taehyung always caught their conversations mid sentence, casually slipping in and pulling Jimin to another topic.

Jungkook hated it. He knew their group felt unbalanced with the two lovebirds taking up each others time and the single members of their group found themselves empty. He felt like he was wasting away without his little ball of sunshine. Food was bland, skies were gray and he had no interest in any of his studies.

The winter was the hardest on him, a time that was meant to be the season of togetherness only made him feel lonelier than ever. His family asked about Jimin who no longer worked at the shop, too busy he said. The younger told them that exams were coming up so he had to study. He didn't want to say the blond was dating Taehyung. That would make it all too real, make it hurt just a little bit more.

His grandmother knew right away that something was wrong. She pulled him aside after Christmas dinner while everyone was celebrating and hid them in a room. "My little sugar kookie." He could have cried right there. Jungkook had no one to talk to about his feelings, why he felt so tired all the time, of everything he came across. His world had no color without Jimin and it seemed his grandmother was the only one who noticed. "I don't know what happened between the two of you but you need to make it right." They sat on the guest bed, side by side, hands linked for comfort.

"I-I don't know what I'm doing nan..." Flashbacks of high pitched laughter rung through his ears. He wanted to scream to make it go away, to make the pain go away. "I miss him so much."

The weight of his sadness caused the tears to fall so effortlessly. Little drops of heartbreak sinking into his warm sweater. He found that everything reminded him of Jimin, a type of irony that made him miss the blond even more. His grandmother soothed her healing hands across his back, comforting the lost teenager. "I know it doesn't help that you haven't grown up with other kids your age, you haven't had enough social experiences. You were always so mature ever since you were little, I admired that about you. But now it's time for you to grow in a different aspect, an emotional one. Although it will be hard for you, you need to sort out what exactly you are feeling." She was right of course, she always is.

"I..." What is he feeling? "I don't like it when Taehyung and Jimin are together. It makes me feel... I don't know." He sniffled into the back part of his sleeve.

"Does Taehyung hurt Jimin?"

"No! Oh god no he-" He shakes his head, feeling unable to describe his emotions. "He makes him so happy, it makes me sick to my stomach. I hate that I want to shove Taehyung out of the room when they hold hands or that when they feed each other in front of me I want to yell. I hate... that I hate them. They're my friends. I should be happy for them... Right?"

"Oh Jungkook..." Her sigh made the younger want to take everything back. He knew he shouldn't be feeling this way, knew he wasn't thinking clearly.

"I know, I know. They deserve each other, who am I to get in their way? I- I'm just some comic book outcast that thought he could..."

"Could?..."

"Be happy." She didn't know how to respond. She always thought of him as a cheerful, loving boy. She didn't know he felt like he was lacking something. "But I'm not good enough." The tears push against his eyelids, colliding with each other as they fall down. "I was never good enough."

Happy thanksgiving! 💕💕💕