Four years later......November 3, 2014.
Life's empty and worthless when the one you love doesn't exist. It seems as if all reason escapes you in one big breath, it's like being dead-alive. You know you're there, but not completely. I don't care for myself anymore so my mother deals with me now.
To an extent that I'm going to get married to a guy she considers a good man. I've spoken with him three times, maybe four. But nothing happens when he's there. Everyone talks and it feels as if I'm invisible, non-existent. His name is Nicholas Neal.
He's a guy with not much to say and I do like that of him. He doesn't bug me the way mother does. Nicholas just isn't very patient and that's going to get me killed. He promises to be kind with me but something tells me he won't. But does it matter anymore?
I get out from under my covers realizing today is my birthday. I turned twenty-two today. To say the truth, I use to be afraid of death. I dreaded the moment where I would close my eyes completely and never open them again. What would it feel like, sleeping forever? Now its the only date my soul has to look forward to. My own death.
Of course I could always speed it up, go in the kitchen and get any knife. A simple butter knife could do the job if I used it right.
"Natalie!" my mother screamed. "Get up!"
I climbed out and changed into clothing I didn't give any second look to. All I knew was that it covered me up, that's good enough for me.
"Why don't you put a little more effort into your appearance now that you're going to get married?" she asked when I sat down on a chair.
"It doesn't matter mother" I said plainly, looking out the window where her eyes couldn't hurt me.
She blamed me for my own disgrace. Says I ended my own life when HE died. I didn't like seeing her eyes because it was like she was screaming it right at me. And what was worst of all, is that she was right. I didn't want to move on, she just set her foot down and I refused to argue. That's the only reason we are now on our way to the bridal store.
"Can we just leave?" I asked.
"Sure, whatever."
I got out the chair, my appetite gone.
My mother had came in a few months ago to turn in the design she had drawn for me. My measures had been takin' then so all I had to do today was to try it on. It was waiting for me patiently in its own corner. The white material sparkled under the protective plastic bag.
My mother motioned me over to a dressing room where I stripped down to my underwear. The lady there helped my mom slip me into the very elegant white dress. It was strapless, a sweetheart neckline with a satin basque bodice and scrolling floral vines designed in beads on it. The skirt was made from extremely bouffant French tulle with bead appliques and a cathedral train. It was beautiful.
"How do you like it?" the woman asked.
"Its alright."
"Well come and look at your self in the big mirror." she encouraged.
I stepped out and all eyes went on me. I felt like blushing but nothing happened. I turned towards the mirror and saw myself in a dress I didn't belong in. I looked beautiful and that was the problem. I wanted to look like this but for HIM, not Nicholas. Tears began to roll down my eyes.
"Aw how adorable! Don't cry honey" the woman said.
My mother stood to the side, signing a check. She knew me good enough to know these weren't tears of joy.
"Can I take it off now?" I asked.
"Yes" my mother answered." You wouldn't want to wrinkle it now."
When I came out the dressing room, she placed a veil. It was long, probably as long as the trail on the dress. My mother studied me then handed it over to the same lady.
"We'll take it."
I walked to the car, what a birthday. Spent my whole morning on a wedding I don't want. A wedding that would be in exactly two months. January the third.
A light thud on my window made me jump.
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Nicholas' s POV
I knocked softly on Natalie's window making her jump. Her eyes brightened with the startle but fell immediately when she saw me. It stung, her rejection should make me give up but it only makes me want her more.
"Hey, how are you?" I asked her.
She looked straight down at her hands "Fine I guess."
The sadness in her voice was still as fresh as the day of Anthony's funeral. I wished I could make her love me so she wouldn't be so depressed all the time.
"Where is your mom at?" I asked, trying to make conversation.
"Inside"
She was so distant, I always wondered how we even got to this point. Our conversations always so awkward. She felt like a stranger. I wanted to scream at her and make her realize he wouldn't be back. Not ever.
"You need to get over him." I said out of the blue, it was my desperation.
Her eyes watered but went rock solid. The beautiful marine color going dark.
"Don't tell me what to do Nicholas. You don't get it, no one does and I don't expect them too because no one knows how greatly I love him!"
She began to sob as soon as she got out the car. "I still love him with all my heart, he can't be erased Nicholas. Because it would mean my death."
He words were like knifes, cutting me.
For her to forget him, she would have to be dead. Maybe not even then.
Suddenly Natalie's mom came running out the bridal store.
"What's going on here?!" she demanded.
I shook my head as I walked away, hearing her begin to cry. What kind of guy had I become? Making a girl unhappy by marring me when she was still in love with a dead guy. If I wasn't selfish I'd cancel it all, but money calls higher than anything else.
