The Stars (GTOP)

Chapter Nineteen: Losing Hope

~2 months after the shooting~

Seunghyun was sitting beside Jiyong's bed, reading to him. The private room he'd been in since the scare in the ICU was a nice change. Seunghyun liked to keep the curtains open and he made sure there were always new flowers. The private room was brighter and was painted a soft blue and the lights didn't wash everything out. Jiyong wasn't as pale in this room, and it helped his parents and Seunghyun to have more hope that he had a healthier looking complexion.

Seunghyun stopped reading and looked at his lover. He still had a lot of tubes and needles stuck into his body to keep him alive, and his doctor had said that it was unlikely that he'd have normal brain waves again. Seunghyun refused to believe that his lover was brain dead, that he wasn't in there anymore. It seemed like he was sleeping ever since the doctors had taken out the breathing tubes and that breathing on his own meant he would occasionally take deeper breaths.

Jiyong's parents were sitting on the couch by the wall of windows, listening to Seunghyun reading as well. They weren't surprised that he had stopped reading for a moment, as he often stopped talking to Jiyong to just look at him. In that moment void of speaking, the only noises the beep of machines and muffled sound in the hallway, Seunghyun was overwhelmed with emotion. He stood and placed the book on his chair.

"I'm going for coffee, would you like something?"

They shook their heads. He nodded and walked out of the room. He put his hands into his pockets and wandered down the hallway towards the vending machines. He kept his eyes downcast as he walked, wanting to avoid eye contact as much as possible.

He reached the end of the hall and pulled out his wallet. He took a $5 bill and fed it into the coffee vending machine. He enjoyed the silence in that small corner of the hallway. There were a few people standing by the snack machine, but they weren't talking. It seemed like an unspoken rule to not break the silence in the small space.

The machine beeped and Seunghyun lifted the cover to take his coffee out. The steam curled up into the air, and he sighed. He didn't feel like actually drinking the coffee, but he'd needed to breathe. Jiyong's room had felt like it was closing in, which sometimes happened when he began to think too much about what would happen if Jiyong never woke up.

He shook his head and walked away, back towards his lover's room. He saw Dr. Dobbs standing in the hall with Jiyong's parents, a grim expression on his face. Seunghyun walked faster, needing to know what he was saying.

"I'm sorry about everything that has happened, no parent should see their child like this. As his doctor I am obligated to tell you what I feel is best for my patient, but you won't like this. He is still in a lot of pain, his body has healed fairly well, but mentally, all that is there is pain. He is suffering and I would urge you to consider taking him off of life support. He hasn't shown signs of the brain activity that would let us know he's still in there fighting. Please consider it."

"Dr. Dobbs, are you sure? This is best?"

Dobbs nodded solemnly. "Unfortunately yes. I am very sorry that this is something you have to even consider."

They talked a moment, their eyes full of tears. "We'll take him off it."

Seunghyun felt the paper cup slip from his fingers and felt hot tears fall down his cheeks. He stumbled, his back hit the wall hard. He slid down onto the floor, his elbows resting on his knees, sobs beginning to clench his chest. He shook his head in disbelief.

He buried his face in his hands and cried harder, not caring that some people looked. He felt Ji's mother put her hands on his arms. "Seunghyun, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."