Fragile // MYG

二十 | twenty

"she always loved naps," yoongi sighs. "now she can take one forever." he takes her hand in his. ice cold.

"you did it sooyun," yoongi says to her, hoping her spirit could hear him speak. "you made your final exit. the grand finale has taken place, and we were all affected by it."

"excuse me."

yoongi looks up from his seat next to the now lifeless sooyun. "yes?"

"are you mr. min yoongi?" the doctor asks.

"yes, i am. did you need something?"

"sooyun wrote this during the short period of time when she was awake addressed to you." the woman gives him a slip of paper before saying her condolences and exiting the room.

yoongi holds his breath as he unfolds the note, eyes watering yet again as he reads the words printed in black ink.

"so, this is the end i guess. i, baek sooyun, have officially done it. gone with the wind. forgotten forever. erased from all minds. in other words, i'm dead. as i'm writing this, i just woke up from my coma. my heart is barely strong enough to keep me awake, but i need to finish this note.

i wouldn't consider this a suicide note (i mean, since i failed again and all), but more of a goodbye letter. a compilation of words and phrases i'd like you, min yoongi, to share with others.

and it doesn't matter how long my sentences are. i've already maxed out my life span. it's about time I lengthened my dialogue as well.

also, yes, my birthday passed. sorry i never told you. sorry that time played out in a way that this day was on yours.

oh, and make sure i wear something comfortable for my funeral, but not like sweatpants and a tshirt comfortable. dress me casually."

he chuckles at her last paragraph as he continues reading.

please tell emi i'm sorry. visit her at the asylum. tell her that you're a friend of mine and that i went on a trip and won't be back for a while. she'll forget about me eventually. her voices will keep her company.

please tell namjoon and hoseok sorry for bombarding their home like that. although, i'd like to thank them for being so cool about it. and tell namjoon thank you for the pizza.

tell taehyung and jungkook that it was nice meeting them, and that they should just date already. it's about time.

tell seokjin that i'll still be attending his meetings, just not in human form. tell him i'll be visiting from heaven or héll, wherever i end up

tell my aunt that i'm with grandma now and she doesn't have to worry about her anymore since i'm here with her.

and yoongi.."

he pauses to wipe his tears, being careful not to let any spill onto the delicate paper.

"i heard your words. i heard you at the playground when you thought i was unconscious. i felt you rub my hand in the hospital. i know how horrible you must feel from seeing me like this. or, how i was.

it wasn't your fault, yoongi. it never was. don't blame yourself for it. this is all my doing and you don't have anything you should be sorry for. the river flows where it wants, and this is the direction it chose. it's all the work of nature.

why did i end up like this, you may ask? you're probably either mad at me, sad because of me, or both, which i can understand.

even if you didn't see me as a burden, i saw myself as one. someone who couldn't stand up for herself. someone who can't even support herself financially. a problem just waiting to be created.

i am, or was, a catastrophe waiting to happen. a storm brewing in the middle of the ocean. a ticking time bomb counting down to an explosion. and that's what i did. i exploded. i filled too much on my plate and got this.

i'm me. i can't be contained. i'm an epidemic that can't be cured. there's no stopping me once i have my mind set on something."

yoongi lets out a shaky breath, his vision blurring with all the tears filling up his eyes.

"you once said that everything has an end to it, even infinity. and in my case, the end of my life is here.

i'm fragile like glass. in fact, i'm broken glass. you touch me and you end up getting hurt. you have me involved with something, anything, and everything, and we both shatter in the end.

i try pushing you away and rejecting your help because i don't want you to get hurt. i've been planning this since before i met you, and i didn't want to take you down with me, but fate led it to be that way.

i never wanted to make you sad or angry or humiliated by me. i never planned on having anyone mourn for me, that is if you're mourning for me. i never thought i'd make friends from when i planned my exit to my actual grand finale. i never planned on meeting you. but i'm so glad i did."

yoongi places the paper down on the side table next to her bed as he used both his sleeves to wipe away his tears before continuing reading.

"i may act like a bítch, but i'm just gonna blame that part on mental illness and how i can't think straight most of the time. i'm just connecting it to my diagnosis, but in reality, i'm just naturally a bítch."

yoongi chuckles slightly at her phrasing.

"the point is, referring to you as a stranger, even after months of friendship, was me trying to push you away. that way, when i finally blew up, you wouldn't get hurt. but it seems that only made us closer. you doing nice things like those all the time didn't help with my feelings towards you. it only made me fall harder."

he has to go back and reread that paragraph.

"i'm sorry for making you worry about me. i'm sorry for making you sad. i'm sorry for angering you. i'm sorry for causing such destruction to your casual lifestyle. i'm sorry for ending it all. i'm sorry for loving you.

min yoongi;

i, baek sooyun, must confess something.

i lov"

the note ends there.

"it can't end there, you can't end mid sentence, sooyun," yoongi panics.

"is everything okay in here, sir?" a nurse walks in.

"do you know if the patient was still writing this when her line went flat?"

the nurse thinks for a little. "i recall her hearing the pen drop on the floor and her paper in front of her on the table."

yoongi's heart sinks. "okay, thank you."

he turns back to sooyun. "you really used your last of your will power only to write a sentence half way?" he shakes his head as he chuckles.

"i love you too, sooyun. i always have and i always will."

-

i didn't know how to end it aaaaaaahhhhhwofnskcndlmf
but yeah that's the end of the book. epilogue coming out soon. do y'all feel attacked?

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~ -yoongied-