Fallen Angel {Shawn Mendes}

Chapter Nineteen

(WE ARE GONNA PRETEND THAT ALEX AND SHAWN GOT ALL THEIR CASTS AND WHATNOT OFF, BECAUSE I SPACED THAT THEY STILL HAD THEM ON OOPS)

~Shawn's POV~

We were all just sitting around in Alex's living room. Doing absolutely nothing. No socializing. Just sitting there on our phones.

"We should do something," Alex blurted out.

"Yeah, this is really boring," I agreed.

"Okay, what do you guys wanna do?" Nash asked.

"We could go to an amusement park?" Alex suggested.

"Yes!" Bailey yelled.

"I'll do whatever Bailey wants," Hayes said, then shrugged.

"Okay," the rest of the boys said.

"Shoot, I don't have like anything cutw ro wear!" Bailey said.

"C'mon! I have stuff you can borrow!" Alex motioned for Bailey to come with her upstairs.

~Alex's POV~

I grabbed my favorite purple bandeau out of my top drawer, along with a light blue one for Bailey. Her eyes got really big.

"What?" I asked confused.

"I'm not wearing that!" Bailey refused.

"Why?" I asked still confused.

"I am way too fat!" She whisper-yelled.

"You are not fat!" I said. "Please, just try it on, you'd be surprised!"

"I'll try it on, but if I don't like it, I ain't wearing it!" She said snatching the bandeau from my hands.

"Yay!" I cheered. She glared at me and rushed into the bathroom. I slipped my bandeau on and put a croptop that said 'You're not Shawn Mendes, so stop singing' And lightly washed Hollister shorts. I stood in the mirror for a minute or two, debating whether or not I should put on a cardigan to cover the scars that were barely there, up. I decided against it.

I then grabbed my phone and started playing 'She Looks So Perfect' by 5 Seconds Of Summer. I started singing really quietly.

-Baileys POV-

I slipped on the bandeau that Alex gave me. I was disgusted. I looked at myself in the mirror. 'Why the hell does Hayes even like me?' I thought to myself. I walked out of the bathroom holding my waist because I'm insecure. Alex's mouth dropped revealing her braces.

"You look so pretty!" She said.

"No, I don't, I'm ugly!" I blurted out. Alex looked at me and shook her head.

"Bailey, you're so gorgeous. And if we were talking about who's ugly, it'd be me, because I am ugly. And I really honestly don't see what Shawn sees in me, I'm fat and I have acne. Nothing is pretty about me, but you on the other hand, you are freaking gorgeous! I'm so jealous of you!" Alex said looking at her feet.

"I'm not pretty, Alex," I said back.

"But you are. You're so gorgeous," She said fiddling with her bracelets. "At least you don't have scars from self harm," she said, I think she thought it was too quiet for me to hear.

"Those scars make you who you are. They define what you've been through," I said turning around to look at myself in the mirror. "C'mon, let's go see the guys!"

"Kay," Alex said. She was sad. She's always sad. But I guess that's how depression works.

We walked down the stairs. All the boys' heads whipped in our direction.

~Shawn's POV~

The girls have been upstairs for, like, twenty minutes.

"Girls take forever," Matt said.

"Amen!" Hayes said.

After Hayes said that the girls walked down the stairs. My jaw dropped when I saw Alex. She looked stunning, as per usual though, if we're being honest here.

"I like your shirt!" I said putting my arm around her waist.

"What's wrong, baby?" I asked her.

"Nothing! I'm fine! Let's get going to that amusement park!" She said pretending like nothing was wrong, something I've picked up on, is I know when she's actually okay and when she's faking it. We all got into two different cars.

~Alex's POV~

Gah, I'm so ugly. I just want to look like Bailey. She's literslly drop-dead gorgeous, and she doesn't even see the beauty she possesses. I want to be thinner. I want people to like me. I want my mom to genuinely love me. I want my sister to accept me. I want a normal life. I don't want to be this person. I want to like who I am. I want to wake up in the mornings and not hate it. I want to be about to look at a sharp object without thinking about how much damage it could do to me. But in all honesty? I'm not sure I'll ever get that satisfaction. Just because I'm clean, doesn't mean I don't miss it. Just because my arms or legs don't sting in the shower anymore, doesn't mean I'm better.

"Are you sure nothing is wrong?" Shawn asked, snapping me out of my train of thought.

"I just want to be pretty, Shawn," I said. I instantly covered my mouth because the car went silent. Dead silent.

"Guys, play music! I have to talk to Alex," Shawn said. It got louder again. "You are the most gorgeous girl I have ever met, Alexis. I seriously don't get why you think you're ugly, because you're not!"

"But I am, Shawn. I don't understand what you see in me. I'm not a good person. Good people don't intentionally harm themselves!" I said and almost crying.

"Shush, it's okay! You're gorgeous just the way you are, please don't cry. It makes me sad seeing you so sad!" Shawn said hugging me.

We arrived at the amusement park shortly after. Shawn went ahead and paid.

"Ya know, Lexi, you're not ugly," Taylor said.

"I really am," I said back.

"You can say whatever you want, but you are drop dead gorgeous, I know this may sound weird, because I'm like your older brother, but you are seriously so beautiful! I love you Lexi!" Taylor said wrapping his arms around me.

"Thanks, Taylor," I said.

"Any time Lex," he said messing up my hair.

I giggled. Awe. Tay is so sweet.