I Want To

Scars

     "No, no, no, no, no, no," Dean's eyes teared up. "How could this have happened? This is all my fault." 

Dean stared at the lifeless body in front of him and began to cry. How'd it ever come down to this? He never wanted this. What did he do to make God and the Heavens hate him so?

     "Dean, what the matter?" Castiel asked Dean who was curled into a ball on the sofa.

      "I didn't record the latest episode of Dr. Sexy M.D. It was the first episode of the newset season!" Dean wiped his face and got up from the sofa, falling onto Castiel's chest. Cas rolled his eyes but took Dean into an embrace anyways.

     On the television was Dr.Sexy's body lying in the middle of a hospital hallway with no one knowing he was there. Cas chuckled.

"Dean, everything's fine; I have everything backed up for you on my laptop. I've downloaded all 13 of the Dr.Sexy M.D. seasons." Cas heard Dean exhale in relief and rise in panic once more.

Cas and Dean had been seeing each other for about a week now and they were closer than anyone's ever seen a new couple... then again, a new couple didn't have sex before they even went on a proper date. 

"Cas it was the first episode of season 14!" Dean began to cry and Cas walked him over to the bedroom. 

Cas laid down on the unmade bed with a flop and Dean still in his arms. He tried to think of the best way to comfort him while rubbing tender hands on his back.

     "Hey, why don't you let me be your Dr.Sexy? I'm pretty sure one that's not dead would be so much more... entertaining. " Castiel said suggestively.

     Cas felt Dean's sniffles stop and his head tilt with interest. Dean's glossy green eyes looked into Castiel's savory blue ones and fell back onto the bed with his legs spread. Yes, he was a little sore from the day before yesterday but it's not as if he didn't like the reminder.

     "Hmmmm, I don't know Cas. Maybe we should test this theory of yours. Go along with the scientific process," Dean giggles out.

     Cas chuckles and leans over Dean, a hand on each side of his body. Cas kisses down Dean's neck, sucking fresh marks onto old ones.  Cas nibbles Dean's ear and feels Dean's dick twitch under him.  

Cas removes Dean's shirt for the first time in the actual light and quickly jumped off of Dean. Dean stared at Cas in confusion and looked down. His scars.

"Dean, w-what happened to you?" Cas asked in a stiff voice. 

Tears filled Dean's eyes. He knew this would happen eventually. Someone like Cas could never want someone like him. He was broken, used, a piece of someone else's trash that they forgot to pick up off the street.  A single tear fell out of Dean's eye and Cas glared at Dean.

     Dean knew he could never keep a guy like Cas. Cas was amazing, he has a nice job, nice apartment, and a very nice body. Dean had a one-room apartment,  was still waiting for his approval letter from Masters Inc., and his body wasn't in shape. He had a little chub on his stomach, not Castiel's full set of abs. He had pale skin, not Cas's beautiful ocean of tan. He wasn't worthy of Cas. Why'd he even get himself in this situation.

A tear slipped past Dean's eye and he wipped it away, hoping that Cas didn't see it fall. He shut of his emotions and stiffined. Angling his body toward Cas, he quietly spoke.

     "A while before you, I knew I was a sub. I had bad people around me at the time and they recommended me to some places. I had a dom, Allistar," Dean cringed at the sound of his name coming form his throat. "He said that he'd take care of me and things went to far. He was interested in bloodplay but I was not. But back in those days, I was desperate to please him so I went with it. He started with small knives at first, assured me that they wouldn't scar.  Then they steadily got bigger, and more jagged, and he would cut deeper. I never thought that anyone else would ever want me so I thought it wouldn't matter if they scarred anyways. Then I reconnected with my brother Sam and I wanted to change my life around. This didn't sit well with Allistar and he strapped me down to some sofa in a dumpster and, a-nd he... h-he h-hurt m-" Dean broke down into tears. 

    Castiel rushed to Dean and pressed his lips to Dean's roughly. The kiss held so much and Dean croaked out a sob. 

      "Dean, don't you ever think that something like this would make me love you any less, I am so lucky to have someone as beautiful as you. You're amazing, in sex and as a compainion. You make everything so much happier and lovable. Sometimes when you're sleeping, I watch and try to count all of the freckles on your face before you'd move or wake up.  You make all of my cold, empty, life full, and bright, and warm."

Dean stared at Cas with watery eyes and stumbled for words, "Y-You l-l-l-love me?"

Cas smiled softly and looked towards Dean nervoulsy, "Yes, Dean. I love you. I understand if you don't feel the same or if it's too soon. I can give you time and space and we could--"

Castiel was cut off by Deans lips on his. Dean pulled back and the two stared into each other's eyes. "Yes, Cas....... I love you too."

The two made love that night. Slow, steady, and hot. It washed away any doubts one had about the other.  They laid in bed just cuddling and staring at each other, taking things one step at a time.