Poems from the Right Brain

Vacant

Bombed a test.
Tired of people. Of life.
Standing in my invisible prison.
Shaking.

Rock back and forth,
Self-control is key.
Plaster a vacant look on my face.
Can't let them see hell reflected in my eyes.

Breathe in. Breathe out.
Continue to shake.
Can't control it.
Worse than it has been in months.

A soft knock, knock on the window beside me.
Startled. Look up.
Hadn't known you were there.

So far gone. So lost in my head.
Even your smile can't save me now.
Playfully you wave.
I wave back. Half-way. Vacant.

Return to my mind,
The unseen prison cell rises once again.
Shake even harder.
Face no longer expressionless, but writhing.

"Boo."
Whip around.
Ready to shout.
But it's you. I refrain.

I instead glare at you and turn my back.
Not angry. Just startled.
Your face pale.
My withering stare hurt more than I meant it to.

A moment of silence.
Awkward.
Solemn.
Everlasting.

You come 'round to face me.
Offer me what I need. A break.
"I'm fine," I say.
Lying through my teeth.

You don't believe me.
"You sure?"
I'm just tired,
I say.

Once more you insist. "Please."
More silence.
Fine.

I acquiesce, giving up what I thought had been a brave facade.
Masterful.
Cold.
But you saw right through me.

I nod. Defeated.
Mumble my thanks.
You probably didn't hear it.
I stumble outside.

I sit, meekly.
The underdog, the victim.
No phone, no music.
Nothing but me and my thoughts and the busiest road in town.

Gather courage, collect my thoughts.
Someone else sits. A stranger.
I go inside.

Pass to my prison without a glance in your direction.
Don't think I can handle it.
Stand in silence once again.
Painfully aware of your distracted gaze that flickers back and back again.

I sigh.
You're walking over.

No bombardments,
None of the usual prying questions.
Just two people.
Not even talking.

At last you speak.
"You better?"
Answer yes. Multiple times.
Just the one question, again and again.

"Are you okay?"
No. But I will be.

Nod and thank you.
Several times.

No words in return.
Just a knowing smile.
And it's more than enough.