disconnected | r5 & selena gomez| rewritten version

30 // therapy

Brendon took my home in the morning and comforted me. He said if I needed anything I should call. I was so grateful. He's such a good friend.

Cole was awake when I came home. I got ready and then we sat on the couch together and had some alone time.
"Your so strong Mom" He says.
"Like you. You're doing so well" I punched his arm lightly. We talked more and then he had to head to school. I got the kids ready and took them too. I was in a horrible mood.

I made it home and cried. Depression and anxiety sucks. Why can't I turn back time to me and Rikers marriage? I got proper ready into a Dodie hoodie, black leggings and black vans. I brushed my hair and looked in the mirror.

Ugly played over in my head.

on another note, i forgave riker. again.

why? WHY EMMA?

We stopped outside a clinic.
"What's going on!?" I started to panic a bit. Hey don't stress. I just need to get something" he says. "Come with me. I don't want you to drive off without me" I giggled at his joke and we walked in holding hands. He started whispering to the lady in the front.

I sat down next to a girl. She had blonde hair and looked a lot like Maisie. But I knew it wasn't her. Maisie was gone. Forever. She was crying her eyes out, scars on her wrists.
"I can move if you want" she whispers to me.
"No it's okay. Let it out" I told her gently.
"Wait. Are you Emma Gomez?" She asked me.
"Yeah" I say.
"You knew my parents" she says.
"Really? Who are they?" I asked.

"Tommy Cavanaugh and Maisie Elizabeth"

Holy shit.

"Y-your their child?" I whispered. She nodded. I started to cry. They had a child. Tommy and Maisie had a daughter. And they died because of me.
"I-I'm so sorry I-I didn't know-" she stopped me.
"You killed them! It's all your fault!" She shouted.
"Maddie enough!" A nurse came out and put her arm around her.
"She killed my parents!" Riker pulled me back.

"They have a kid!?" He exclaimed.
"I killed them" I whispered.
"It's all your fault! I have no one!" She shouted. The nurse pulled her away and she cried and cried.

"I killed them" I whispered.
"Hey it's okay. Come on let's go" he held me close as we went through a door.
"What did you need to get?" I asked him.
"You some therapy" he opened a door and gently pushed me in and shut it.
"Riker!?"

"Hi. You must me Emma!" I turn around and saw a girl. "I'm Maya. I'm your therapist" she smiled.
"M-my what?" I stammered.
"Have a seat" She said kindly.
"No. No I cant do this!" I exclaim.
"Emma don't worry. We don't have to rush. Take your time" She says.
"No I need to get out of here I don't want this!" I started to cry.

i wasn't ready for therapy again.

"If you don't wait to do this then that's okay" she says.
"I don't want this!" I cried.
"Then you can leave. That's okay" She says. I didn't want this. I was scared for my life and my heart was pounding. But something in me was telling me to stay.

"I feel like I'm drowning" I whispered, sliding down the door onto the floor.
lDo you wanna sit?" She pointed to the chair.
"I like the floor" I said shyly.
"Whatever you prefer" she smiled. "What are you scared of?" She asks.
lI don't know" I whisper.
"Are you always this scared?" She asks. I nodded.
"It sucks" I mumble.

It actually went okay?? She didn't force me or anything. She let me take my time. She didn't judge me for crying. But then she asked me something.
"So, can i ask you about your childhood?"

I ran. I bolted out of the door and out the centre crying. I sat on the sidewalk crying. I didn't even know why.
Riker ran after me. "Hey what's wrong?" He wrapped his arms round me while I sobbed my heart out, regretting everything.
"I am so fucking mad at you" I cried.