I fell to my knees and grabbed a fistful of my own hair with both of my hands.
How could I let this happen?
I'm such a horrible person.
Matt came over to me and tried to help me up, but I wouldn't budge.
"Soph please, it wasn't your fault." Matt pleaded. I looked over to everyone else. They were all in tears.
"I can't believe this." I mumbled to myself. Matt fell next to me and wrapped me in his arms. I sobbed and screamed and kicked as he held me tighter in his grasp. "Please!" I cried. "Please bring him back to me!" I sobbed begging the doctor. I jerked forward, and got out of Matthew's grip.
The doctor's eyes contained of sorrow and guilt. He delicately placed his hand on my shoulder. "I am sorry, we can't do anything at this point. You're too late." I felt my knees weaken and my chest ache.
"No no no," I mumbled to myself. I pushed him away and ran towards the stairway. I didn't know what I was thinking at the moment. My mind was a complete mess.
"Sophie!" I heard people scream my name. I ignored it and trudged on. I kept on going until I reached a door. I opened it and felt the cold air hit my skin. The wind blew my hair out of my face.
I was at the roof.
My mind was completely lost. I sat at the edge of the building. I looked down on the streets, my feet dangling over the edge. My vision blurred as I looked up at the sky.
"Sophie!" I faintly heard. I looked back and saw Matthew. He was on his knees screaming my name, but I couldn't hear a thing. I stood up and looked at Matt. "Please," I heard him whisper.
"I'm sorry." I said. With that, I let myself fall back.
"Sophie!"
"Soph!"
-
I screamed and sat up. I looked around. I was panting and sweating. I felt a hand on my back and I jumped.
"Soph relax, it's just me." Matt said. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. "Come here," he said opening his arms, and motioning me towards him. I nodded my head and began to cry into his chest. "Everything will be alright." He said and buried his face into the crook of my neck. We pulled away and sat against the headboard of my bed. "So what happened, in your nightmare?" he asked nervously. I honestly didn't feel like talking about it but I knew he was just trying to help so I gave in.
"Well to summarize it all up, when we got to the hospital, Aaron already passed away." I began and watched the color drain from Matthew's face. I sighed and continued. "I got really mad and I didn't know what I was thinking. I went up to the roof and," I paused not wanting to tell the rest of the story. He slapped his hand over his mouth and looked at me.
"Sophie?" Matt said hugging me tighter.
"Yes?" I looked up at him.
"I want you to promise me that you will never do that." He stated in a serious tone.
"I-" I hesitated and just nodded.
"Pinky promise?" he held out his pinky for me. It reminded me of when I promised Aaron I wouldn't cut ever again. I let out a deep breathe and wrapped my pinky around his. He smiled and kissed my forehead. "Okay let's go back to sleep." He said and we crawled back under the covers. Matt wrapped both of his arms around me which made me feel more secure. I rested my head on his chest. His steady breathing made his chest slowly move up and down. I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.
