Christmas was around the corner and I'm pretty sure I've worked myself to death. I had no energy to fight. Argue , or be alive.
All I knew at this point was work. Kids and barley sleep or eat.
I don't regret my kids though.
I just hate that I can't provide better for them. I want them to have better.
I want them to look at me and be proud.
" Kade , do you know what you want for Christmas?" I asked him as we walked down the road.
" I want us to get a car so we don't have to walk everywhere. I want us to have more money so we can leave this place. " he said kicking rocks
"I know buddy. Me too. I'm sorry. I wish I could do more for us" I said pulling him close to me
He didn't talk much on the way to daycare . I've noticed his behavior change. He isn't as happy as he use to be.
" We will be closed tomorrow and the next couple of weeks due to it being almost Christmas and then New Years!" The daycare worker said.
I nodded my head and kissed the kids.
I took off to work.
I got there a few mins early and I relaxed. It felt good to just sit down and relax and just breathing .
We were a little bit busy but nothing to serious..
I began taking orders and giving people their food.
Waitressing is great money . It just gets old after a while. I've been doing it for so long.
I want better. I want different.
But since Christmas is coming up. I gotta go hard for my babies. Even if Madi doesn't remember most of it.
I want to make sure Kade smiles and has a good time.
So far I have about 100 saved up. It may not seem like much but when I'm the only one providing for my kids and taking care of them. I'm pretty proud of myself.
I finished up at the job and went to go get the kids. I made sure to save my free meal for them every day I work. I want to make sure they eat.
Even if I don't
" Did you have fun today?" I asked Kade as we walked home
" Yeah, it was okay. " he said shrugging his shoulders
The cars passed us coming from both ways . It was so dangerous walking at night with Madi and Kade. Its starting to get cold . Great.
I walked into the house and seen more people here than usual.
I looked in the living room and seen that Chad and his girlfriend was holding a baby.
Aww she had her baby.
I wanted to see the baby closer but I didn't bother.
" Congrats on the baby" I said as I stood in the entrance of the living room
Chad and the family ignored me . Of course.
I slowly walked away . Not sure what the problem is with me now.
Not sure what I've said or done. I'm just not meant to be around anyone. No one likes me .
I gave my kids a bath and then myself one. And we all fell asleep.
**************
I looked out the window and seen the ground covered in snow.
Great
Just my luck
Now how am I going to get to work.
I found an old jacket of Kades and a blanket of Madi and wrapped her in it
I walked into the kitchen were Chad and his new family was.
" I don't mean to bother anyone but I was wondering if someone could possibly take the kids and I to work. " I said
No one answered me.
I got closer.
" Chad..... I don't ...
I felt the air knocked out of me as I was shoved into the wall.
" Stop fucking talking to me!" He said snapping
I held crying Madi and Kade held on to me.
" I was just asking could I get a ride. I'm trying to get away from this family!! No one wants me here!" I said as I cried.
" Damn, right you fucking slut. You think you were so smart. Huh.. pretending that Madi is mine?!. " he said
" What are you talking about!! I took a DNA test . Kaitlyn read the results. Is this why youve been treating me this way. Cause you don't think she is yours" i said confused as everyone starred at us
" I know for a fact she isn't mine you fucking slut. I got a DNA test done when she was born." He said pacing back and forth.
" I hate your guts . You lied to me and I defended you. I actually defended you" he said staring at me.
I was shocked.
How could this be possible. Did Kaitlyn read the results wrong.
" You're lying Chad. You're the first person I slept with" I said
" But I wasnt the only one you slept with. " he said handing me the paper
I looked over it and collapsed. Madi isn't his..
The whole time I thought I was further along than what I was...
" if she isn't yours. Then.... she's......but he can't have kids" I said more to myself.
I was shocked. I was confused. Oh God no...
It can't be
I got pregnant and had a baby by my rapist.
