Reservations- A Joshifer story

It happened again

Annoyed muchly. There is no-one to talk too.

Jen's POV

I wake up with a arm drapping over the back of me as I lay on my front. I can feel the soft of the duvet against my bare body. We have a bedroom in are trailers as for naps during the day on set. I move the arm from my back. I didn't want to wake him. My dressing gown is on the door so I qucikly put it on. It was too cold. My phone started to ring in my pocket of my coat. I ran towards the coat and answered it.

"Jen, where are you?" Francis was yelling at me. Shit I meant to be at the stylist. 

"Sorry i'm coming now"

"Ok" He hangs up.

I looked at my phone it was 12:39. OMG. I had nineteen missed calls from Francis, 5 missed calls from Nick and 2 messages from Nick.

So Josh is in my bed. Naked. I'm meant to love Nick but can't. I open up the messages. The first one said

Nick's message~ Haven't talked in ages. Hope you are okay? Call me later when your not at work. Love you xx

Nick's message~ Me again. Hope your not upset with me, talk soon xxx

I couldn't reply as needed to get to the stylist. I found my underwear scattered across the room. I slipped on my joggers and vest. I literally ran out the door and to the designer room. Francis sat there.

"I'm so sorry"

"It's fine, as long as your here now"

I smiled at him. I got given a bunch of clothing I had to try on for mockingjay. I walked over to the changing rooms. I realised I hadn't covered my scars. At least the costume was long sleeved. This costume was for the war against the capitol. I found it really hard to put the costume on. The costume was really tight fit. After ages of trying to get it on. I finally did. As I came out of the changing room. Josh was there in his costume for the capitol. Even though tis part is mockingjay part one but we are filming it all as one. Josh smiled.

His smile though.

It feels like,

Every time I see his smile,

I'm falling in love over and over again.

Jen. What are you thinking. Your meant to be with Nick. I don't give him a smile back. He looks hurt in his eyes. I felt so bad. So I walked away.

"Jen"

"What?...we shouldn't of done what we did, I don't love you" What did I just say.

"I was just giving you your keys" He says handing me my trailer keys. "It shouldn't of happened" His shoulder skimmed mine.

"Josh" He just carried on walking. I turned back into my changing room. Took the clothes off and put my own back on. I ran out of the changing room.

"Jen where are going?" Francis yells behind me.

I just kept runnning. I found my trailer grabbed my coat from inside which had my car keys and purse in. I had my phone in my pocket. Where is my car now. Found it. I jump init and set off to Jessie my agent. I need my friend Laura but she is busy. Jessie is my agent but a good friend. She wil listen to me and gives me advice.

I parked the car and rang the doorbell. She came to the door. jessie holds her arms out for a hug. Bet she has realised I am crying.

"Come in" She holds the door open for me.

"Thanks" Her house is very small but so pretty.

"Do you need a drink before you tell me what's hapening?"

"I'm ok, thanks"

"Right come and seat down then"

I walk over to the black leather couch. Her dog Jet was sat in her bed near the fire. Dogs are so cute but I can't really look after them with my job.

"Right Jen tell me, what's up?"

"Well you know me and Nick are not on track with are realtionship, well I have realised i've had feelings for Josh" I sigh "Today we kinda..." I couldn't finish my sentence, I felt sick as i'm cheating on Nick.

"Jen, you didn't, did you?" I nodded at her.

"Worst thing is I actually love Josh"

"Jen you have to date Nick for the public it will distrupt your life, really it will. Also you stil have one more scence to film with x-men then you got premiere's and then mockingjay"

"Yeh, well that means I don't have time for Nick" 

"Jen you have to stay with Nick" 

I screamed and walked out. I can't take this anymore.Paparrazzi are in my face. So annoying. I sat in my car. The scars start to fade but the urge to bring them back becomes stronger and stronger. It was the longest journey home ever.

I'm in the bathroom. The raser I found in one hand. I look in the mirror and I see a ugly women. No matter how may times someone call me beautiful, I always know there lying. As the razor hits my soft skin. I don't feel physical pain as my wrists are numb but the emotional pain. I need to stop this. I won't get anywhere doing this.

I tell people i'm tired but in fact i'm depressed,

I tell people i'll be fine tomorro but I know tomorrow will be worse,

I tell lies everyday and I know i'll not be able to stop myself.

I clean up. I walk back down the stairs to find Nick standing there. I forgot how good he looks in the doorway wearing his ralph lauren top I bought him for christmas. I run up to him and give him the biggest hug ever. To fill his arms round me, felt like I was protected. The blood which hadn't dried up, was all over his top.

"Why is there blood?" He looked at me but holding his shirt.

I couldn't tell him. He looks at my wrists he gets them with his hands. He started to cry. Nick crying. Never.

"I will take you to the doctors tomorrow, ok?"

"Fine"

"Anyway, we will forget about that. Who ordered pizza!" He has a bag with pizza and beers in.

What a great boyfriend. I have to think now. Jessie was right. If I stay with Nick, my life will be ok. I'm not being selfish because I have realised Nick is a great guy. Josh wasn't going to take me to the doctors. He dosen't care. I sit on the sofa with my pizza and beer. While Nick put in "Dumb and Dumber" which was one of my many favourite films. It was perfect. My man. My favourite movie and my favourite food.

Perfect night, why did I hurt myself when I have this.

Still annoyed. I don't know why at all anything can set me off. I need a good cry might watch tfios trailer and clips. Just to have a good cry, Anyway Hull tomorrow with my nan and grandad.

xoxox