Will To Live [Jensoo] ~DISCONTINUED~

i

My eyes widen with what she's doing.

She's holding a cutter, which I don't really know if it really is because of the dark, and she is pointing her to her wrist.

Is she cutting herself?

Why is she cutting herself?

"Yaaah! What are you doing?" I shouted to get her attention. Which I succesfully did because she turned her head to me.

I got up and walked towards her. She slowly put the cutter down and hid it behind her. "I saw it, you don't have to hid it from me." I said.

"Why are you here? Just go back there and eat your lunch. Don't bother me." i am a bit irritated by the way she answer. "How can I eat my lunch if I know that there's someone cutting herself near me?" I answered.

She bowed her head and said, "Mianhae, I'll just go back to my classroom." She got up and walked to the door. "Jamsimanyo. You can stay here. I'll be the one who is going to leave." I said and immediately pick my things.

"I think you need the gym this time, more than I am." i said and got out of the gym. The sunlight was the one who welcomed me.

I walked to my classroom. No one's inside, thankfully. I sat down on my chair and open my lunch. I was about to eat my food when my classmates came. I closed the box and put it inside my bag.

Well, I guess. No lunch for today.

—

"Jennie-ssi, want to have ice cream with me?" I turned my head towards Joe. "Aniyo, but thankyou." i smiled fakely.

I walked away from him.

I am near my house when somebody called my name.

"Jennie Kim!" I turned around to see who it was. I got shocked when it is the girl in the gym earlier.

"You're Jennie Kim right?" i halfway nod to her question. "How...did you know?" i asked but she jsut smirked and said, "You're always the topic of talks, why wouldn't I know you?"

"Oh, sorry. But why did you call me?" i asked her.

"I just want to say sorry. Sorry for invading your private place." she answered.

"You feel sorry for that? It's okay, I mean, you really need the gym more than I am." I said. "Where's your phone?" she gave me a confused look.

"I'm going to give you my number." she instantly handed me her phone. "Call me if you need someone to talk to. You shouldn't keep it inside." I said as I gave her phone back.

"I don't need someone. I can handle my problems alone." she answered and gave me a cold look. "As you say so..." i looked at her identification card. "...Jisoo-ssi."

"Be safe going home!" I shouted when I started walking away from her.

—

I stared at my ceiling. Wondering about things.

How life can be so cruel?

How life can bring both happiness and loneliness?

How things can go wrong instantly?

And

When will this pain go away and fcking leave me?

Then an image suddenly crossed my mind. The image of the girl—Jisoo trying or was about to cut herself earlier. So that's the feeling of having to see a person cut.

The feeling that you want to help them, help them to finally go through the problem they're having. That you want to make them feel that they are not alone.

I want to help her fix herself. But I need to fix myself first, before everyone else.

I should fix myself... not for other but for me.

But how can I fix myself if I don't have a will to hold on.

Should I find my will to live, then?

I think I should.