Help Me

Death

Jace's Pov

If you were to stab me over and over again for hours that pain would be nothing compared to this. The rejection. The betrayal. Yes, I feel like he betrayed me. I don't know why. The heartache. I'm not sure which one hurts the most. 

I may be feeling all that but I am a little happy. Happy that I didn't break up with Chase like I planned to. I've still got someone. Even if it's not Ryan like I want it to be. 

The question is.. 

Why did Ryan say no? I mean, I understand he was on a date but it was just a date. There had to have been some reason. I just wish I knew what it was. I want to talk to him and find out what it is, but I'm pretty sure he won't answer my calls. 

You know what's stupid? If Ryan was to call and apologize, I would accept his apology. If he was to call and pretend like nothing happened, I would pretend like nothing happened too. That's how in love I am with him. I know that I would do anything just to keep him by my side. Even if it's not in a romantic way. 

Me, being the masochist that I am, would watch him with other guys, even though I'm hurting myself in the process. Stupid right? I know. I've never been the brightest apple in the bunch or however that saying goes. 

"Never mind I'll find someone like you."    

"Hello?" 

"Um hey man. I just wanted to say sorry. I feel really bad about what I did." Ryan said. 

What do I do? Forgive him? Let him suffer? This is such a hard decision. 

"Jace?" 

I think I might forgive him. 

"Jace?" 

But at the same time I want him to suffer. Just for a little while. 

"JACE!?" He screamed. 

"Huh?" I replied. How long had he been calling my name?

"Dude, I said your name like fifty times. What the hell were you doing?" He asked. 

"Your exaggerations are obvious. Anyway, I was thinking about something." I replied. 

He got quiet. "W-what were you thinking about?"

"Well I decided to forgive you. As long as you tell me why you turned me down." I suggested. 

He perked up. "Well Max wants me to be his boyfriend and I really really like him. He's so sweet. I wanted to tell you when I called last night but then you.....you know." He trailed off. 

Hm. So he turned me down because Max- who I still haven't met- asked him to be his boyfriend. I'm not surprised. I would expect Ryan to do something like that. I just hate that he's always running away from his feelings.  I know he loves me. He has to. Right?  If I love him he should love me back.     That's the only thing that makes sense. 

"Oh." Was all I said. 

"Well I'm kind of busy. So I'll talk to you later?"  

"Sure" He replied. 

We hung up. 

I know what I have to do.

Ryan's Pov 

Jace is an idiot. 

Why would he forgive me? Hell, I haven't even forgiven myself.  What's up with that? 

Why did he sound so weird when we got off the phone? He's planning something. I know he is. I just wish I knew what it was. 

Jace is pretty scary  sometimes. He can basically do what ever he wants. If he wanted to kill me he could do it and make it seem like suicide. If he did kill me I would haunt him forever. Like, why would he kill me as soon as I get a boyfriend. Only Jace would do some shit like that. 

If I did die I wonder what Max would do. Would he be sad? Would he be happy? Would he die because he can't live without me? Okay, maybe I'm being too dramatic on the last one. But really, what would he do? I'm going to ask him. 

I picked up my phone, dialed his number and flopped down on my bed, getting in the 'deep conversation' position. 

"Hey Ryan. What's up?" Max asked me. 

"How did you know it was me? Are you, like, spying on me or something?" 

"No.. I, um, have caller ID." He responded, trying not to laugh. 

I feel stupid now. Duh. Caller ID. 

"Oh. Well that's not why I called." I said. 

"Well why did you call? We were just with each other not even two hours ago." 

Right, we did have breakfast together. Wait, he's at work. "Okay, I'll make this quick. I know your at work. If I died what would you do?" I rushed out. 

"I'll answer that after you answer my  question." 

"What's your question?" 

"Are you planning on killing yourself? Is there a hit on you? I can get off work you know." He said quickly. 

He thought I was going to kill myself? Wow. "No, I'm not going to die. I was just wondering." I said softly. 

"Oh. Well you can talk to me if you want. But anyway, If you died I don't know what I would do. I would be sad but I'm not sure what would happen to me." 

"Oh okay. I was just wondering." 

"Hey, you want to come over after I get off work?"  

"Sure, what time do you get off?" 

"I get off at ten. I'll call before I get to your house but right now I have to go." 

I said goodbye and hung up. 

I'm going to take a nap. It's been a long day. I have to be rested. Anything can happen at his house tonight.

----------------------------------

I woke up to a light tapping on my door. 

"Who is it?" I asked groggily. 

"It's me Spencer. Could I talk to you for a minute?" Spencer? Who's Spencer? Wait, that's moms new boyfriend. 

I got up and opened the door. I gestured with my hand so he can come in. 

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked. 

I reached my hand under my pillow and got my phone. It's eight. I need to shower and get dressed so I can be ready when Max gets here. Wait, am I staying the night over there? I shot Max a quick  text, asking him if I was staying the night. He said yes. So that means I have to pack pajamas too. 

Spencer cleared his throat. I had completely forgot he was in the room. I looked at him, "Yes?" 

"Well, your mom told me that you were a....um....prostitute?" He made it sound like a question. 

"I was." 

"Well I have money and your mom's not home....." He trailed off. The fuck? 

"Sorry. I don't do that anymore." I responded. 

"Oh." He said, looking uncomfortable. 

"Yeah. Could you leave? I'm uncomfortable and I need to get ready to go." I said. 

"Yea, I'll go to my room. Maybe some other time?" He sounded hopeful. 

"Your room?" 

"Yes..I live here now." He answered. 

"Since when?" 

"Uh about two weeks." 

"Hm." Was all I said and he walked out. 

After he left I went and showered, packed my bag, and waited downstairs for Max to show up. My phone vibrated. 

I'm on my way. Be there in fifteen. See you then.- Max 

I'm kind of nervous. I want to have sex with him. I mean, he is my boyfriend.

That's what couples do right?