A Beautiful Piece Of Broken Pottery

Chapter 3:

Trigger warning: Deals with potential self harm and attempted suicide. Skip over chapter if you are sensitive.

6 months later...

Lucas and I had become really close over these couple of months. We had gone to the movies, played soccer together ,ate load of food and just became the closest of friends, which surprised me a lot because I'd never thought I would get along with a guy who looks like he belongs in the Spanish mafia.

Over these past few months I had began to get better ,I was starting to heal and I hate to admit it but Lucas was part of the reason I had began to heal so quickly ,he gave me a good distraction from my mind. He had began to feel like the boat that helped me ride the waves of my inner turmoil. He was like the captain steering the ship of my mind and directing it to a course of happiness rather than a place where I feet the depression so deep in my soul. The depression that was hiding underneath my boat like a shark that was about to attack. Waiting to grip at me and take me down like a shark to its prey. Ripping out my insides and eating me alive. He had began to feel like my saving grace and I'd be dammed if I say I wasn't falling for him

And although I had began to heal I had seemed to forget that the 28th of November had still to dawn upon us. In theast years this day had been a day I would look forward too, I would wake up early and prepare pancakes for my granny, she would eat all but one, always keeping that one for me even though it was her birthday. Now I'm dreading the day for I know I'm not healed enough to deal with the bricks that are to be thrown on my shoulders. And then it happened the day arrived. I had woken up and walked downstairs and saw Josh in the arms of his best friend Levi standing by the counter as he cried his eyes out. Many people portray him as a big strong jock but I know my brother and I know that death affected him in ways unimaginable, it affected him as close as it did to me,but not as bad.

I ran back upstairs ,locked myself in the bathroom ,fell down against the wall and cried my eyes out. I knew I was healing , I knew I was getting better ,I knew it ,but right now I felt the exact same vulnerability I felt the day she passed away. My heart felt like it was hanging on life support and I felt like I was ready to pull the plug. I got up from the ground, looked at myself in the mirror and then and there I knew that I did not want to feel the way I felt right now. I didn't even think about anything or anyone at that moment all I could think of was a way to make my heart stop feeling like it was on its late breath. I stepped away from the mirror ,opened my vanity cupboards and pulled out a shaving razer, cracked it open against the wall and got out the blade. I contemplated life at that point , was loving a life filled with grief and suffering a life worth living. If she was relieved from her suffering, why can't I be of mine?

I placed the blade against the skin of my wrist and as I was about to slice it open and bleed myself out, when the door opened and there stood an out-of-breath Lucas. I was shocked to say the least. "What are you doing here?" I asked whilst trying to push the blade behind my back."Icametoseeyouandisawyourbrotercryingsoiaskedwhatswrongandtheniranupheretofindyouandthedoorwaslockedsoislammeditopen" he said in one mouthful. I looked at him in utter confusion. He knelt down and caught his breath before speaking again. "I came to see you and I saw your brother crying and I asked what's wrong and then I ran up here to find you and the door was locked so I slammed it open" he said again but slower this time. At that moment my eyes were red and puffy,tears were streaming down my face, a blade was behind my back and there stood the person I was slowly but surely falling for. What perfect timing!

He held his hand out to help me up. I took it and rose to my feet , I stood in front of him with my hands behind my back, i didnt want him to see my wrists and my head down, eyes glued to the ground. I was at my worst , I was exposed and vulnerable and I did not want him to see me like this. Instead of talking,screaming ,walking away or asking me what's wrong he gently pulled me into his arms, wrapped them around my waist,held me so close and placed his chin on top of my head. I buried my head into his chest and cried. I never meant to break down there and then ,but with the feeling of his arms around me once more. I felt like I found my saving grace. I felt safe and secure. I felt calm even though I was distraught. He grabbed my hand from behind me , looked at it , found the faint scar that was caused by me grazing my skin with the blade. I had then expected him to scream at me and then turn around and walk away but what he did next left me stunned for days to come. With a single tear streaming down his face ,he placed a gentle kiss on my arm , took me back in his arms, lifted my chin , looked into my eyes and then placed the softest of kisses on my lips. I felt blood rushing to my cheeks and I must have stood there looking like a tomato but I couldn't help the cheesy smile that was clad on my face as I once more buried my face into his chest. And at that moment I could say I was living a paradox for I was the happiest girl at her worst moment.

The next day I had woken up and wondered had I been dreaming? And then it all came back to me as I sat on my bed smiling like an idiot and giggling to myself. I got out of bed,had a relaxing shower and put on my favorite pair of ripped jeans and my "cupcakes don't lie" T-shirt ,I was feeling quiet good today and unknowingly to me ,my day was about to get better.

As I arrived at school o could already tell that the atmosphere was weird ,it felt unfamiliar , strange almost. I stepped inside the doors and there stood a guy from my English class ,who held his hand out towards me that contained "one pink rose". I was quiet confused to say the least, yet I took the rose and walled along. At my locker was another guy holding out his hand towards me and this time he had "one yellow rose". Now I definitely did not have a single clue on what's going on. At my chemistry class door ,stood another guy and in his hand lay "one white rose". I smiled and took it , at my biology class door, stood another guy holding out for me "one peach rose". At my computers lab door , stood one more guy holding out in his hand towards me "one orange rose". As I walked on towards my maths class ,stood Diego holding out for me a bunch of "black roses" I was bewildered ,why would Diego be apart of this?

Nevertheless I walked into maths class and there stood Lucas dressed in a ravishing formal shirt and jeans. I walked over to him to give him a hug ,but he stopped me and began to speak. "In your hands lay 5 different colors of single roses , each rose represents a letter in your name , 5 roses for 5 letters in 'Gemma'. A pink rose represents care and kindness, and I promise to always take care of you. A white rose represents purity and honesty, and I promise to always stay true to you. A peach rose represents friendship , for I promise to be your best friend above all. A yellow rose represents family ,for I promise to protect you like a brother would to his sister. An orange rose represents uniqueness, for you are to me my most unique and precious gem. Behind my back I hold a red rose, take it. A red rose represents love and lovers . Would you be my lover ?" He said. I stood there shocked and teary eyed , no one as ever gone to such an extent for me before. Instead of answering him ,I kissed him and maybe later on said yes ...