A Beautiful Piece Of Broken Pottery

Chapter 9:

Gemma's POV:

Madness is something people associate a mental illness to. Yet you don't have to have a mental illness to fall into a state of madness. Gemma knew she was mad for her mind was in a dark place. She was mad for her mind was in such a dark place that if she was hurting she would just stare blankly into space. She was mad because she would cry on the inside but no tears would fall out. We call this a certain madness and that madness is melancholy madness.

Lucas said that he admired my melancholy madness and he said that this madness was the most beautiful and graceful of them all. Honestly it was neither of this things. My mind was so dark , my soul was so black and my heart so broken that it turned a graceful madness into a storm. My mind turned a graceful madness into a hurricane. I was the hurricane, for like that hurricane  I would strike at any moment. I would not give warning signs and I would explode and destroy everything in my path. I was a hurricane at the center of a collapsing, broken, burning building that I call my life  and I was not something to be admired upon.

I was always a person who felt like wherever they stepped foot a storm would follow and take out everyone in my path. Today I had to go back to school and once more the laws of life and the universe decided to defy me. For I had to partner up with Lucas in a psychology assignment. We were tasked to ask each other certain questions that tap deep into our souls then when we got the answers, we had to take those answers and describe the person that was sitting in front of us. I was an open book and every dark part of me Lucas as known for he has seen it, but him on the other hand did not reveal his dark past so easily. I was determined to rip his demons out of him and I was also determined to find out why he did what he did to me.

It was no after school and we  had decided to meet up at my house to do our assignment and to say that it was a bitter sweet feeling would be an understatement. I got on to the back of his motorcycle and we took off into the direction of my house. I had to admit the feeling of the wind blowing in my hair as we rode the motor cycle. It was a good feeling and in that millisecond of time I felt freedom, something I was longing to feel. We had gotten off and got into my house , he sat down on the couch and began taking out his books, and the thing is we hardly even said I word to each other today beside the normal hello. I went into the kitchen to try and calm myself down and there I saw Josh. I ran up to him and hugged him. I'm forever grateful to have someone like him as a brother for he knows when I'm sad and he knew that now was one of this times. He simply looked at me and said "in order for a new star to be born a giant, gaseous nubula must die, so go ahead and break, go ahead and kill yourself, you can kill your old self without having to stop living , shed you skin, for this is not your destruction but rather your rebirth. Think about this baby sister." and then he walked outside leaving me stunned in the kitchen.

He's words hit me hard and I realized that even though Lucas hurt me it was time for me to shed my shin and give our friendship a rebirth. So I walked back into the lounge and sat next to him, gave him a smile and then took out my worksheets ready to get to know this boy on a deeper layer. We decided to play the questions like how you would play 20 questions. He would ask me first and I would ask next and that's how it would go on until all of the questions have been got through. He had asked me the first question which was "What does life mean to you?" What does life mean to me? "Life to me is a blank canvas to which you choose what picture to paint or not. You can choose whether your picture of life makes sense or if you want to scrap that picture and paint a new one. You can also choose to burn that canvas and end your life's picture or not. My picture had a dead end and I was given the opportunity to create a new one on a new canvas without ended the first picture.

Now what does life mean to you Lucas"?
"Life to me means second chances on things that mean the most to you, life was something I did not want to live at one point and then Gemma I met you and my life had a meaning again. Life means that you live it to the fullest. Life to me means making other people happy because you yourself hadn't felt happiness. Life means being with people that make you happy and Gemma you make me happy" he looked me straight in the eyes and said that. Although my heart turned to mush I was not going to give in that easily. "If you had the opportunity to go anywhere in this world to redeem yourself where would you go?" He asked the second question. Where would I go? "I would go back to heaven to thank God for the second chance at life that he has given me" I answered and waited for his answer to come next.

"I have many places that I would like to go back too and change but realization would hit me that if I change the past it will alter my present and another realization would hit me that if all that had happened in my past I would not be sitting with you here in the future. The only place I would go back to change and redeem myself is back to our anniversary to tell you why I really did what I did" he said. This got me intrigued. "Why did you do what you did Lucas?"  "That's not on the question list Gemma" he said. "Well I want to know Lucas" I said with a scowl. Without a second thought he got up , got his books and walked out the door. "What was so bad that he had to get up and leave?"

My brothers words came back to me and in order for a rebirth there must be destruction and boy was my mind going to cause some destruction tonight. Blackened is the heart of those who expect too much. Sorrow in the mind for those who expect too much. Distructions to the vines of the heart for those who expect too much. I was one of thosepeople...