TRYING NOT TO LOVE YOU

~Fifteenth Part~

It's 6:30am when I wake up and look through the window. The fresh and warm spring air came into the room when I opened the window, so I quickly changed and ran down the stairs to the lower floor I smell coffee.
"Morning," I say when I step into the kitchen to my mum. "Morning, you're early," she said, when I kiss her on the cheek. "I can't wait to see Marc," I say when I peel the banana. "You're still early. Visits are in afternoon," mum insists. "Relatives can come to visit at any time, am I right?" I say smiling. "Yes, but..." mum stops because she knows that she can't convince me otherwise.
"Do you know where Gloria gave the photo album?" I ask her when I can't find the album that we watched yesterday. "All of them are on the same shelf for the years, Sara," mum says from the kitchen. "Yes, I know but one is missing."
"Why do you need it?"
"I want to show a photo to Marc," I say and sit on the couch, "it should be somewhere here."
"Maybe Gloria brought it to her room," mum said again. "Yeah, but she's still sleeping and I don't want to wake her up. I'll show him some other time," I smiled. "Dad is at work?" I ask. "No, he's in the cabinet for an hour."
"I'll go to him," I say and my mum stops me: "Wait! Take a coffee and a croissant to him."
I take the tray and walk to the cabinet. I knocked and walked in. Dad was sitting at the desk and looking at something and smiling. "Good morning. Mum sends you a coffee and a croissant," I say and walked to the desk. There I see the album.
"Morning. You could call me and I go to the kitchen," he said and kissed me on the cheek. "We didn't know what you were doing," I said and sat down with him. "Ah, I'm watching some photos," he said and turned one side.
"Can I take a one photo? I go to Marc and I would like to show it to him," I say when he nods. I look for the photo on which are Marc, Alex, Gloria and I sitting in front of a huge Christmas tree.
"This one. Thanks, dad. Now I won't be bothering you anymore," I say and when I want to turn around to leave, dad grabs my hand. "Can we talk?" he asked. "Sure, what is it?"
"Yesterday, your mom and I were with your aunt and uncle. We talked about Marc," he said and I nodded so he continued: "And you."
"Me?" I ask surprisingly. "Yes, we think that it would be still better if you told him that you're a couple."
"But... we're not," I say quietly. "Sara... you said that. You didn't give him the opportunity to explain it to you."
"There's nothing to explain, dad. I saw in my own eyes that he kissed her."
"She kissed him at that moment you came over. Marc was surprised for the kiss and when he got off her, you already left."
"Yeah, but he doesn't remember that now. And maybe he won't remember it ever again. So that it should remain as it is."
"Why do you insist? Don't you love him?"
"Dad..." I start when I hear the bell.
"Are you expecting someone?" he asks. "I invited Jorge to coffee, but I don't know it he'd come. It's a bit early."
"Well, we're not done yet. Mum will take care of him," dad said and I agree with him.
"So... listen... I love Marc from the childhood. He was always my favorite family member. The stone, ah, what a stone, the rock rolled away from my heart when you told me I was adopted. At that time, I was convinced that I always felt something more. And yeah, I guess I am in love with him. But, my study is far away and he travels all the time... I don't know how this would work."
"About the study..." dad said and reached the envelope. "I got a letter from your college..."
What the hell??
"Is something wrong?" I ask, but dad smiles. "I wrote to them what is the situation here and asked them for another month of vacation."
"And what did they say?"
He gives me a sheet with the answer: "Read yourself."
I'm flipping through the text with my eyes... blah blah... we decided to approve your request and extend stay to your daughter for a month.
I smile and hug my dad: "You're the best! Thank you very much!" I say and kiss him on the cheek. Dad laughed: "I know how much it means you to be with Marc. I've written them before the accident, because I knew you wanted to be with him for a while."
"I'll be with him every single day. I have a month to help him with memory. To remember at least half, if not all," I say with tears in my eyes.
"Sara... you realize how it will hit him when he remembers that you're not his girlfriend?"
I nod: "We'll see. Thanks again. I have to go now," I say and kiss him goodbye.
"Greet him," he calls when I shut the door and walk to the kitchen.
There I see my mum and Jorge drinking coffee. "Good morning," I say cheerfully. "Morning," Jorge smiled. Oh, that smile again. "You're early," I say and pour myself coffee. "You said you wanted to see him as soon as possible."
"Yeah, it's true. It'll be great if we hurry," I drink a cup of coffee and eat half the croissant. "Can I take one to Marc?" I ask my mum, but I don't wait for the answer because I'm already turning one into the paper. "Hospital food is terrible, it will surely make him happy," mum said.
"Okay, I just take a bag and then we can go," I tell Jorge and run upstairs where I take my bag, phone and jacket.
"Thank you for the coffee," Jorge thanked to my mum, as I walk down the stairs. "It was a pleasure. Here you have, Sara," mum said, giving me a bag with croissant, "there are two bananas and a chocolate. Greet him and tell him that we'll visit him tomorrow." I nod and hug her.
In a few minutes, we're already driving to the hospital.
"How did you sleep?" he asks me. "I don't even know if I did," I say and smile. "I only know that I could hardly wait to visit Marc."
He only nods.
We both acted as though nothing had happened between us yesterday.
"I hope he'll remember you when he sees you," I say after a while.
"Did you really mean when you said I was going with you to visit him?"
"Why not? Did you think I just need a ride?" I laugh and he shrugs with his shoulders.
"Hey, what's wrong with you? Are you in a bad mood?"
Silence.
"Hey, Lorenzo, the earth is calling you," I say again but he's still quiet. "Did I say something wrong?" I ask and he shake with his head. "Did I do something wrong?" he shake his head again. Then I sigh: "Okay. If you want to talk, you just say it," I say and look out the window.
In silence we drive to the hospital. Yes, in pure silence. He even turned off the radio.
A few meters away from the hospital he said: "I won't go with you."
I turn to him and look at him: "You're not serious, right?"
"I am," he answered shortly.
"You don't want to help a friend to get his memory back?"
"We're not friends."
"Also you're not enemies," I tell him back.
"Look, I don't want to see him, okay," he said calmly.
"Thank you for the help," I say and because we were standing on the traffic lights, I open the seat belt and when I want to get out of the car, he grabs my hand: "Are you crazy?"
"Let me go. You could tell me yesterday that you don't want to visit him and I'd go by myself. I don't need transportation!"
"Don't make a circus in the middle of the city. We're almost there. Please, sit back and let me drive you there," he said calmly. He got me. I sit back but I don't put the seat belt on. He slowly drives to the hospital and when he parked I open the door and want to get out, but he gets me again: "Wait!"
"You said to the hospital, and look here we are. Thanks for the ride, bye," I say and somehow I can get out of his hold. I slam with the door and when I want to get away I run into him. How the hell could he jump out of the car in a second and get to my side? He's not Edward from the Twilight!
He hugs me strongly and kisses me on the forehead: "Sara, wait," he whispered.
My heart breaks, my feet shake. The devil on my left shoulder blows me kisses.
"I can't visit Marc because... because I'm afraid that he'll remember everything again."
"Why?"
"He'll remember that you're not his cousin and that you're a couple and..."
"Ssshh. Maybe he'll never remember that again," I whispered to him. He caresses my cheek and says: "I know he will. And then I'll lose you."
"Jorge..."
"Forever."
"You won't lose me. We will always be friends."
He leaves me out of the embrace and steps back: "Friends. You know that I want more."
The tears are in my eyes again. More. It can't be anymore. Our story is over.
"If you need something, call me. Okay?" he said and stepped back to the car. "So you really won't come with me?" I ask him when he shake with his head: "No, not today."
I watch how he sits in the car and drives away. I wipe tears and go to the hospital and straight to the Marc's room. Just when I want to knock, the door opens and the doctor and the nurse come out. "Good morning," I greet and they both smile. "Good morning, miss. Marc already asked about you," the doctor said. "How is he?" I ask quickly. "Good. I think he'll recover quickly and he'll soon be able to go home."
"So, if he's okay, can I visit him?"
"Of course. Parents, brother and girlfriend can come to visit at any time."
"But I'm not..." I begin when the doctor interrupts me: "His parents told me. Don't worry, the medical staff knows that you have been presented to him as a cousin. Now, just go to him."
"Thank you," I thank and go into the room, where my smiling Marc is waiting for me. "Hi," he greeted me and sat upright. "Hey," I greet him back and sit down to him. "Don't I get hug and a kiss?" he asks. "Sorry," I say and hug him and give him a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Aunt Maria sends you breakfast," I say and give him a bag. "Great. I couldn't eat a lot of breakfast. It wasn't too good," he said and laughed.
"Well, if you want I can go find something else."
"No, thanks. That's great," he said and began to eat.
When he finishes eating, I decide to show him a photo. "I brought you something," I say and take a photo from my bag. "What is it?" he asks and I give it to him. "This is you, Alex, Gloria and me," I show him. "We're funny," he laughs. "Don't you remember that?"
"I see that the photo is taken for Christmas. From whom is this tree?"
"From you. We're photographed in your living room." I see that everything is strange to him.
"Do we still have the same living room?"
"The photo was taken fifteen years ago, so you've already renovated it in the meantime," I tell him when he nods and smiles: "Yeah... we're probably now a bit modern," he laughs.
The tear slips down my face and I quickly wipe it off, but Marc noticed it: "Hey, what are you crying about? Did I say something wrong?"
I shake with my head: "No. I'm just... thinking."
"Can you tell me what you are thinking?" he said and drop down the photo. "Ah, there's nothing like that," I say and get up: "It's just... it's hard. There are so many things I would like to tell you, but I can't."
"It's all about the time. I will try to remember everything. I promise."
"Maybe it's better not to remember. There are things that you better forget."
"Did something happen?"
"It depends," I reply. "Did anybody do anything to me?" he asks but I shake head. "Has anyone done anything to you?" I shake with my head again. "Did you do anything to me?" I sigh and shake with head again. "Well, then I did something wrong to you."
That was not a question.
"Do you remember anything, Marc?" I ask him. He shuts up and he looks ahead. I walk to the bed and take his hand. He keeps quiet and thinking for a long time. I have never seen such a serious one. I see how his wheels turn in his head and I just wait for him to say that he remembered everything.
That he remembered us. Him and me, how we make love in my bed and under the shower. How we sit on a couch and cuddle.
"No, I can't remember anything," I hear him saying.
It hurts me. A couple of tears run down on my face again. This time, he wiped them off.
"You don't want to tell me what I did to you?" he asked me in a gentle voice. "There was nothing like that, Marc," I say and kiss him on the cheek. "I'd like to kick myself in the ass," he said angrily. "Don't get upset, please. There really was nothing like that. I forgive you all. You know I'm in love... I mean... I love you, cousin."