TRYING NOT TO LOVE YOU

~Nineteenth Part~

I was ready for the dinner at half past eight. I was wearing a short backless red dress.
I am walking up and down the living room and in my heart I have a strange feeling of anxiety. What is happening? What will happen?
I was turning around for about sixth times, when my mother comes to the living room: "Sara, what are you doing?" she asked. "Nothing. I am waiting for Jorge to pick me up for the dinner," I answer and stare at her. And she stares at me: "Dressed like that?" she asks surprisingly. "What's wrong with this dress?" I ask her back. Mum sighs and takes my hand: "Come on, sit with me." I follow her to the couch and sit down to her. "In the last days, we don't know how to talk normally," she starts and I nod. "I am sorry. I really don't know what is wrong with me. I adore you and you know that I wish you all the best," she said and looked down at the floor. "What do you mean?" I ask her. I really don't understand what she wants to say.
"Sara... maybe it would be better if you focus more on Marc," she said after two minutes of silence. I stand up and walk to the window and look through it. From our window we can see directly on the garden of our relatives, so I see Alex and Marc playing football. When we were children, I always looked through this window and watch what my cousins were doing. If it seemed fun to me, I immediately joined them. And that's exactly what I would do now.
I sigh and go back to my mum: "I don't think things will ever be the same with Marc, mum. He hates me," I say with a lump in my throat. "Honey, he doesn't hate you... he just... he is confused," she said when she stands up, walks to me and fix the lock of my hair. "Confused? Has he already remembered anything?" I ask quickly, but my mum shakes with her head: "I don't know. Roser told me that yesterday he was asking a lot about you and he told her that he feels very bad because he acts that cold to you," she pauses for a moment, but then continues: "And... things with Ruby are not nice." I look at her and she nods at me: "I know you're with Jorge again, but... I am sorry... I shouldn't talk about that," she said and now she steps to the window. "Mommy, tell me everything you know, please," I say and step behind her: "I need to know."
"I don't want you to suffer, Sara. Jorge is a nice guy and he loves you very much."
This time I shake with my head: "I don't know if anyone can love me like Marc. And I... I would give my life for him. I love him, you know that. He is the love of my life. I want to be with him," now I start to cry and my mum hugs me: "Come on, darling. Give it all out, don't hold back anymore," she said, caressing my hair. I cry and cry. It takes a long time for me to calm down. "I should cancel the dinner," I say and sniffle. "Sara, don't do this. He'll be here soon. Go ahead and forget about everything for a few hours."
"No, I can't. I will call him and tell him that I don't feel good," I say and look for a phone when someone rings at the door. "You think he's already here?" I ask, and look at the clock that says 8:05pm.
"I am going to look," mum said and I stepped into the bathroom to fix the makeup.
"Jorge, it's good to see you," mum said. "Good evening, Mrs. Maria," I hear Jorge's voice. "Please, come in. Sara will be ready immediately," mum invited him inside. "There is no problem. I am a bit early because I'd like to visit Marc before we go to the dinner."
I stand at the door of the bathroom and listen to what they are talking about and when I hear that he wants to visit Marc, my heart starts to beat faster. I take a quickly look into the mirror and thank God for inventing a waterproof mascara. Luckily, there is no tracks that I was crying for half an hour. I fix the lipstick and my hair, then I walk to the front door, where mum and Jorge were still standing. "Hi," I greet him and give him a hug. "Wow, you're wonderful," he said after a few seconds of staring at me. I smile: "Thanks."
"I-I..." he stutters, "I-I would like to visit Marc for a few minutes," he said. "Okay, I am going with you," I say smiling and take my purse. Mum looks at me and she doesn't understand why I decided to go with him. I smiled at her and kissed her on the cheek: "Thanks for everything, mum. I promise I won't be late today."
Jorge smiled too: "It's true. She'll be home before the midnight," he said and embraced me across my hips. "Don't worry. Have fun and forget about the time," mum smiles to us.
Then we walk to the neighbor's house.
"Do you think they are at home?" Jorge asks me, when we walk along the paved path. "Yeah, Marc and Alex were at the garden half an hour ago," I say and again I become nervous. "Oh, how can I forgot," he said as we almost stood at the door. "What is it?" I ask quickly. "I'll be right back. I have something in the car for Marc," he said and runs off to the car who was parked on our driveway. I stand at the doorway and pray that they won't open, while I was standing there by myself. Luckily, Jorge soon returns back with a gift bag in his hand so we ring a bell together. "What do you have in the bag?" I asked curiously when he looked at me and gives me a beautiful smile. "You're so curious. You'll see it later," he said and kissed me softly. During this time, the door opens. We both look at the door, to see who opened us. It was Alex. "Ooooh, what an honor," he laughs and pulls Jorge in embrace. "Hello, Sara," he greets me and also embraces me. "Hi, we're here for a short visit," Jorge said, when Alex invites us inside. I let them talk, while I put my shoes off and take my slippers, who are always waiting for me in the same place. Yeah, this is still my home. With this thought I smile, and they both look at me. "What is it?" I ask them. "Ah, nothing, nothing. Come on," Alex said, runs upstairs and we're right behind him. "Well, we're home alone, so there is a little messed up," Alex begins to apologize when we enter the living room. We both laugh: "Typical for you," I say and squeeze to Jorge. "Please, sit down and I'll go to call Marc. He's a little tired and he went to lay down," Alex said and then left. "Are you all right?" Jorge asks me when we sit on the couch. "Yeah, why?" I ask. "You're pale and your hands are cold as ice," he said and hugs me. "Oh, really? I feel fine," I smiled at him as he leaned closer to me and kissed me. "Khm, khm," Alex clears his throat, and we immediately unstick from each other. "Marc will be here soon. Would you like some coffee?"
"Yes, please," Jorge said and I laugh: "Who will cook it, Alex?"
He shrugged with his shoulders: "Em... I... I can do it," he blushes. I stand up, step to him and push him to the kitchen: "I'll help you."
When we walk into the kitchen, Alex closes the door (which they never close) and walks to me: "What are you doing?" he asks me. "What is wrong with you?" I ask him back when I pour the water for coffee.
"Look what you're wearing. And you came here to visit Marc? Would you like take him to the hospital again??"
I laugh: "Hahah, you fool. Do you really think I dressed myself up for him?"
"Why are you laughing like that?" he crosses his arms on his chest.
"Alex, calm down and be useful. Prepare sugar and cups."
He looks at me for some time and evaluates me and his cheeks painted in the color of my dress.
"Do you have a problem?" I ask him. "W-what?" he stutters. "I ask you if you have a problem," I repeat. "N-no, why?" he stutters again.
"Alex, I am your cousin. Cousin, you understand?"
"Why are you telling me that?" he asks confusedly.
"Because you're undressing me with your eyes, idiot," I laugh again.
"Whaaaaaat? Where did you pick this up?" This time he turned around and began to look for the cups. "The upper cabinet, on the left side," I tell him when I see that he is looking for them in the drawer. "I know, I am looking for a spoons," he says confidently. "You're looking for spoons in a drawer with lids."
"Okay, what is bothering you?" he asks.
"Me, nothing. Obviously something bothers you?" I answer peacefully.
"Nothing," he said, but he didn't look at me.
"Alex... are you going out? To the club? To some party? Among the girls?" I start asking him.
"N-no, why?" he stutters again.
"Well, there's a lot of nice and attractive girls. I am your cousin. Almost sister, so hold your horses."
"Well, you're actually not my cousin, you know that, don't you?" Alex replies and winks at me.
"Alex, did you go for a coffee in Turkey?" No one else, like Marc interrupts us and he stops in the middle of the kitchen when he sees me.
"Did you hear anything?" Alex asked him quickly. "What would I hear?" Marc asked him back, but he didn't look at him, because he still stared at me.
"Ah, nothing. Nothing, brother. Coffee will be right now, right, Sara?"
I don't answer him, because I am also staring at Marc. "Sara, watch out, the coffee boils!!" Alex shouts at me when he pushes me away and solves the coffee.
"I'm sorry. I am here," I say and devote myself to coffee. "Yeah, I see you're here," Alex says, "I'll take the cups with coffee to the living room. Marc, help her if she needs anything," he said and then left the kitchen.
"Do you need any help?" he asks me in a hoarse voice. "No, thanks. Do you have any sweets?" I ask him and I open the fridge from which I take milk. "There are still some cakes left since yesterday. It's in the pantry," he replies but he still standing in the same place. I nod and walk up to the pantry. I feel his eyes all the time watching me. When I bring the cakes to the kitchen, Alex join us. "Marc, you have a visit," he said but Marc didn't respond. "Do you need a baby bib?" he laughs and punch Marc's shoulder. "W-what?" Marc surprisingly asks. "You both go to join Jorge. I'll bring you cakes and some milk," I say while I put the cakes on the plate. Alex pushes Marc out of the kitchen then he turned to me and rolls with his eyes.
"Boys..." I say and I soon join them in the living room and sit next to Jorge.
"Coffee is great," he says and with his hand he caresses me on my thigh. I quickly look towards Marc and see that he looks at Jorge's hand. In that moment I smile.
We're talking for a while and soon the clock is 9:18pm.
"Huh, time flies so fast," Jorge said and looked at me. "Shall we go?" I ask and he nods. "We'll clean this up," Alex says and stands up, just like we did. "Marc, do you fell okay?" Jorge asks him, when he still sits on the couch. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just have to get some sleep," he says and stands up. He walks us to the front door. "Thanks for the visit. It was nice to chat with you, Jorge," he said and taps Jorge's shoulder. "I hope I helped you with your memory," Jorge said and they shake hands. "Yeah, you did a bit. You know, I really want to go with you to the track these days," Marc smiles. "Of course, we'll keep in touch, okay? You have my number, if you don't, ask Sara," Jorge said and in that moment they hug. During the embrace, Marc looked at me. Will he hug me too?
"Sara, it was nice to see you too. And, thank you for coffee," he said smiling, pushing his hands into pockets. I nod. He won't hug me.
"Well, see you then," Jorge said and opened the door. In this moment Alex runs downstairs and past us and join Jorge in the path. "Well, okay... see you. I guess," I say and I also want to leave. "Sara, wait," Marc said, and I turn to him questionably. At this moment, he hugs me. He squeezes me very strong and I feel that he doesn't want to let me go. I can stay all my life in this embrace. But, I can't. I mustn't. That's why I'm breaking this hug. "Good night," I say quietly, then I go.