TRYING NOT TO LOVE YOU

~Twenty-eight Part~

"Hi," he greeted me. "What are you doing here?" I ask, without greeting him back and quickly cover my belly with my hands. "I would like to ask you that," he said with cold voice. My skin got goose bumps at this tone. He never talked to me like that. "I am studying here. Have you forgotten that too?" Now I am cold too. I don't like that kind of game, but I can't do it differently. I was very surprised by the visit. Part of me is overjoyed to see him, but if he is cold, I will be cold too. It was always like that. When he angered me, I was mad and I provoke him back. When he accuse me to my parents, I did the same. When he was jealous of the new toy bought by my mum, I was jealous of him when he got something that I didn't have. That's how it was. Apparently the story repeats after a few years. What is he like, that am I like.
"It's better to let you talk in private," Kate said, who is standing behind me. I forgot about her. "You're probably Kate. I've heard a lot about you," he said, now more kind. He smiles at her. God, how I missed that smile. Come on, smile at me.
As if he could read my minds, he look at me and our eyes meet. He still loves me that is what the sparkle in his eyes signalized, which tirelessly glows and tries to conceal his coolness. The smile is still not out of nowhere.
"I heard a lot about you, too," my friend interrupts an unpleasant silence. "I am pleased to meet you, but now please you excuse me. Sara, I'll wait for you in the cafeteria," she said then, gently squeezed my hand and left. Now we're alone. Only me and him. And our baby (if he's dad).
"So, when did you intend to tell us about pregnancy?" he asked and crossed his arms on his chest. "How did you find out?" I answer with the question. "It doesn't matter. Did you get pregnant that night before you run away?" he asked, stepping closer. I wait a while then I say: "I didn't run away. I only needed time. And no, I didn't get pregnant that night."
"Then when? We were very careful all the time," he worriedly said and wrinkle his forehead. "Maybe not. Otherwise... I didn't sleep only with you," I say and look into the ground. "Are you saying that you're having Jorge's baby?" I shrug with my shoulders: "Paternity test will be done right after birth. It could also be during pregnancy, but it is a big risk for abortion," I explain to him when he immediately nods: "I understand. In any case, this will be my child too, and I will be happy to take care of him."
"I don't think there will be a need. I will take care of him myself. He will have me, his grandparents and aunt. He won't need his father."
Did I really say that? This time I really went too far.
"You surprised me, Sara. You've changed a lot, I don't even recognize you anymore."
I turn away from him and I walk to the door. It's better to go. "I have to go," I say and before I can open the door, he jumps in front of me and kisses me. My cheeks warm up, my heart almost explodes. After almost half a year, I feel his lips on mine again. I collect the power and push him away. "Don't run away anymore," he whispers when he caresses my cheeks. I close my eyes for a moment and open them again: "Now you know where I am. When the baby is born, you'll receive an invitation to paternity test. Tell that Jorge too, when you see him," I say with a lump in my throat. "You can tell him by yourself. Today he would come with me, but he had another errand."
"I won't receive him. Today I won't even you, if I knew it was you. Have a nice day," I say, and without looking at him, I leave the room. I walk down the hall and hardly hold my tears. He kissed me. That's the only thing I remembered. I've been thinking about when I'll see him again, even though I know I was behaving terribly. When I walk to the cafeteria, Kate comes towards me. "How was it?" she asked. "I don't want to talk about it."
Kate gently hugs me.
All afternoon we spend with the books. I even managed to forget about Marc, so I can easily learn and make notes. Tomorrow I have the last exam and I hope to make it.

I wake up in the middle of the night and sit upright, because I can't forget about the kiss. I am starting to think again. About Marc. About Jorge. About everything. About how they know about my pregnancy? Who from the family has broken the promise and told them? I sigh at loud, when Kate says: "Sara, I know Marc's visit has confused you and you have a lot to think about it, but try to fall asleep. We have to get up early. Relax."
"You're right. I am sorry I woke you. Let's go back to sleep, good night," I say quietly and lie back. In the end, I finally fall asleep.