Not What it Seems

Chapter Twenty Two

~Cash~

I had never felt so shitty in my entire life.

“Cash!” Chris yelled. “Pass the ball, man!” I kicked the ball over to him, feeling the sting against the side of my foot. Chris and the other guys had been cutting me slack, and I guess that’s because I chose them over Jane, but I almost wish they would call me out on it. I wish they would ask me about Jane.

I ran up the field, watching Chris pass back and forth with Wilson before scoring a goal.

I didn’t know why I had picked them over Jane. Was being alienated by your entire team worse than being alienated by the one person you love most?

I headed into the locker room after practice, sliding my shirt off and wiping my face with it. The room was eerily quiet, and when I sat in front of my locker, Chris straddled the space beside me.

“Cash, we gotta talk.”

I nodded, waiting for him to speak. “I know that wasn’t just some girl like you said, alright? I knew something had been going on with you and Jane for a while now, and I was waiting for when you would end it, or at least tell us about it.”

“Sorry,” I said, pulling at my shirt.

“Doesn’t matter. You made the right choice, okay? A girl like Jane can mess up your reputation, and I doubt she’s worth that much.”

I laughed bitterly, but only within the confines of my mind.

Little did he know.

~Jane~

I opened the front door for Alex and smiled gently when he came in. It had been four days since the incident in the photo room, and I hadn’t told anyone about what had happened. Alex frowned at me before sitting down on the couch.

“What’s the emergency?” he asked, and I sighed, sinking down beside him. He swung his arm around my shoulder as I told him what had happened with Cash. His face went from concerned to angry to furious in two minutes flat. He growled. “I’m going to kill him,” he snapped, getting up out of his seat. I grabbed onto his arm, pulling him down again.

“Stop, Alex, this isn’t your battle, alright? This is between Cash and I, and to be honest, I’m not sure there’s any point fighting anymore.” He shook his head.

“He needs to hurt the way you’re hurting, Jane,” he said, and I chewed my lip. I had a feeling Cash was hurting, judging from the fake smile he’d had plastered on his face all week while he was with his friends. I didn’t tell Alex this, though.

“No, I need to get over it, and you need to help me.” He wiggled his eyes, playful Alex slowly returning.

“How can I help you, babe?” I punched his arm and he cried out, undignified.

“God! I was just trying to be helpful!”

“Then get me some ice cream, peasant,” I demanded and he laughed, going to the kitchen and returning with two spoons and a tub of strawberry ice cream. I smiled, grabbing a spoon and pulling the lid off. I shoveled some into my mouth and Alex groaned.

“Stop hogging it, fat-ass,” he said scooping some out. I shoved him gently.

“Thank you,” I said to him softly.

“For?” he asked, around a mouthful of ice cream.

“For being here.” He smiled, kissing my forehead.

“Always, Jane, always.”

*

Later that evening, before my mother came home, Alex left, promising to be back the next morning. I smiled, hugged him goodbye, and as soon as he was gone, I sank down to the floor against the door and bawled my eyes out.

~Cash~

My Mom wasn’t home. She was working the night shift tonight, and I had an indescribable urge to drink. I knew Mom kept some wine hidden around the house, and while that wasn’t quite the drink to make me forget about Jane, it would have to do.

I found the bottle hidden with the dish soap, and I greedily pulled off the cork.

Jane had been on my mind all week, incessantly penetrating my thoughts no matter what I was doing. I lifted the bottle to my lips and took a sip. Strong, but not strong enough.

Just as I was about to chug half the bottle, there was a pounding on the door. I panicked, thinking it was the manager, and stuffed the wine bottle back in the cabinet. I pulled open the door and was greeted with a fist to the face.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Cash Anderson,” Alex growled out, and I laughed, rubbing at my jaw bitterly.

“Tell me something I don’t know.” Alex slammed the door shut behind him and shoved me down onto my couch.

“Listen to me, bastard,” he snapped. “I didn’t care when you stabbed me in the back and decided you were too good to be my friend. I didn’t care when you mouthed off about me to your soccer buddies. I didn’t give a shit when you hurt me Cash, but I will not let you hurt Jane.”

I stared at him, his face red, and I shut my eyes. “I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“Don’t bullshit me. You knew what you were doing would hurt her, and you still chose your buddies over her. Why is your damn reputation so important to you, Cash? Are you really so afraid that your friends will leave you if they realize you’re poor? Are you really so blind that you can’t see that your personality should be enough for them to stay.”

I swallow past the lump in my throat as the words wash over me. For once, I consider the things Alex is telling me. I consider that all of us are the same, and that my reputation is something that exists only for high school, until I have to begin all over again.

“Say something, Cash,” Alex demands, and I know that he, like everyone else, is giving me a second chance to make things right. But I can’t, not like this. I can’t say one thing and have everything be fixed. I have to do so much more to repair the world I have broken.